Supporting Children After a Suicide
The grief experience of each person is based on, among other things, their age and developmental stage, the nature of the death, their relationship with the person who died and what meaning they make of the death.
The National Alliance for Children's Grief offers these tips for having a conversation with a child about a suicide death:
• Take a minute of reflection and check in with your body before starting the conversation.
• Make sure the space you are having the conversation in is free of distraction. You may want to have some comfort items available or items your child(ren) can use to express themselves like a sandbox, stuffed animals, or crayons and paper. Choose a private space. Offer your child(ren) the opportunity to leave and come back to the conversation over the course of hours, days and years, and avoid making them talk about this news longer than they are comfortable.
• Be honest. Honesty is critical in conversations with children and teens about death by suicide. In telling the truth, you are creating a space for an open conversation and building long-term trust.
• Know that it's OK not to have all the answers. We can reassure children, “I am not sure, but we can ask someone together,” and “I feel sad, too. Sometimes when I feel sad, I appreciate a hug. Would you like a hug?”
• Reassure the child by naming the people who care for them and what to expect.
• Offer your child(ren) choices where both options are acceptable to help them feel some control over what is happening in the moment. Perhaps give them something to do with their energy. Options may be to write a card or create a piece of art for someone else. They may find meaning in an opportunity to write or draw about a special memory to share at a memorial or to honor a significant event.
• Ask if they want to talk (now or later). Provide the space for conversations and a place to process the information they are taking in. Maintain an open dialogue about this over time and creating space for your child to share their feelings.
NAGC and the Dignity Memorial® team together created "Supporting Children Who Are Grieving a Death by Suicide," a comprehensive toolkit for parents, teachers, coaches and others. You can download the toolkit from the organization's resource library.