Mary Harley

August 13, 1919 - October 23, 2010

With heavy hearts, we announce the peaceful passing of our dear mom, grandma and great-grandma, at home with her family by her side. Mom was predeceased by her loving husband Gordon, her brother Jack and sister Patty. Left to cherish her memory are her children Jim Harley (Dianne), Pat Nord (Dennis) and Beth Lewis (Howard); her grandchildren Brooke and Blake Harley; Christie Mork (John), Lana Gilbert (Adam), Dan Nord; Jordan (Heather) and Benjamin Lewis; great-grandchildren Madison and Eric Mork; and Annie Gilbert; and many dear friends. Mary was the first child of Thomas and Elizabeth Simpson. Thomas was a contractor who built the family home on North Drive in Fort Garry. On the adjoining lot he built the original Fort Garry United Church. This was the beginning of her lifelong relationship with the church. Mary grew up during the depression in a family of modest means but in a home filled with love. In 1943, Mary married Gordon Harley, her lifelong love and soulmate. They had a love affair like no other. From their beautiful love story came a family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Mom and Dad had the most wonderful times together. From the simple pleasures of sitting beside each other at the piano to vacations in Hawaii and Florida - they loved being together. Mom dedicated her life to her family and created a warm, loving home. We will always remember her gentle manner and constant love and support. She always gave us the encouragement and confidence we needed to take on new challenges. She always said that with hard work and perseverance, success was just around the corner. Mom was a beautiful, gracious lady. She was humble, kind, thoughtful and unpretentious. Mom was a special person who was loved and respected by all who had the pleasure of knowing her. Mom's beautiful smile was inviting and her heart was open to everyone she met. Her smile and spirit never faded through life's adversities. In July 2009, Mom moved to the Canoe Club Retirement Residence where she made many new friends. Our thanks to the kind and thoughtful staff who made her time there so enjoyable. Mom was very grateful for her long and wonderful life with Dad and her family. We all feel blessed to have had so many precious years together, with so many cherished memories. She was an inspiration to our family and blessed our lives in so many ways. Mom was, and always will be deeply loved. We wish to express our gratitude to Dr. Raimondi and the palliative nurses, especially Harriet and Michelle for their compassionate care. A special thanks to Joan Bibeau for her kindness and support to mom and our family. A Service of Remembrance will be held on Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 2:30 at Thomson In the Park , 1291 McGillivray Blvd. In lieu of flowers, a donation in Mom's memory to CancerCare Manitoba would be greatly appreciated. Dear Mom You have been a special blessing. Your hands always helping; Your arms always open; Your face full of smiles; Your ears ready to listen; Your heart made of gold. Love you forever.

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Message From Dr. Gordon Taylor

In Memory of Mary Harley

Gardens are a metaphor of our existence

The illustrate life’s beauty and fruitfulness, They symbolize life’s wilderness, weeds and challenges.

The Garden is the archetype of heavenly bliss – whether it is the story of Eden, the photograph of our blue white planet floating in space, or the image of the new Jerusalem – with its radiant river flowing from the throne of God and its tree of healing, perpetually bearing the fruit of life- The garden planet is a wonderful way to describe our world.

Gardens also help us understand our selves, and on occasion like this – to understand our grief. For we are like flowers rooted in the same pot. On the surface we appear to be separate individuals, distinct and independent from each other. But beneath the surface soil of our existence are invisible emotional and spiritual roots, which reach out, touch, intertwine and inter-tangle with each other. Over time our roots become interconnected with each other. The longer we live, and the more we share with each other, the tighter and more completely do these invisible roots tie us together.

When one is pulled away from us, our roots our affected. When a flower close to us is transplanted, our roots are stretched, and torn, our selves are bruised, and left exposed. We feel the emptiness where before there was always another on whom to lean.

So it is that we ache, feel an emptiness that nothing seems to fill. So it is that we feel grief. But know this: grief is a celebration of love: the ache and pain we feel is proof that we have touched, and loved, and dared to become one.

St. Paul said that we should not grieve as those who have no hope. He did not mean “Don’t Grieve”, or “Keep a stiff upper lip, and bottle up your tears” to show that you are “Doing well”. He did not mean that we should deny the feelings we feel, the pain, the relief, or the loss.

Rather he meant that we should grieve differently not without hope but with hope. For the good new of and about Jesus Christ is “THAT SINCE JESUS DIED AND ROSE FROM THE DEAD, SO TOO WITH JESUS, GOD WILL RAISE WITH HIM THOSE WHO HAVE DIED”; to put it more simply death is not the last word over any of us.

CALL TO WORSHIP

Therefore, let us grieve with hope- feel what we feel, honour Mary, and give thanks to the divine for this garden life we share- and let us hear the promise of God whose will is for life and love everlasting.

Incarnation – is a $95 theological word – which literally translates: “In the Flesh.” Is a word we hear at Christmas , associates with the baby Jesus … Who Christians say “embodied God – in the flesh-.” That’s why he was nicknamed “Emmanuel – God with us.”

But the possibility of incarnation is more than a miracle reserved for Jesus … it is God’s desire that every person embody the divine spirit, in their flesh.

Proverbs 31 comes from as early as 1000 years before Jesus’ lived. Contrary to the popular view that ancients were always sexist and misogynistic, Proverbs 31 celebrates the incarnation of the Divine Spirit in women- particularly in “the good wife and mother” – and points to how they lived – as mattering!

I invite you to listen and ask “Can you see Mary Harley in these words of Proverbs 31?”

Proverbs 31

A good wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

And he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant;

Bringing food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

And provides meals for her household

And tasks for her [helpers].

She considers a field and buys it;

With the effort of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She girds her loins with strength

And makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable;

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her fingers to the [needle],

And her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

And reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

For all her household are [royally] clothed.

She makes her [own clothing];

Her [dress] is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is know in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also and he praises her:

“many women have done excellently,

But you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates.

MESSAGE

This world, this life, how we live…Matters.

Even though the world sometimes seems to be falling apart;

Even though life if fragile, and fleeting

Even though our individual strength at times seems about as powerful as a sparrow stamping its foot… how we live matters.

That is a huge part of the teaching of Jesus.

Jesus once said that for the gift of a cup of cold water, we would not lost the blessing of God. In reading this I always recall that scene from the movie Ben Hur when Charlton Heston, (playing Ben Hur about to be led off to a slave ship) is given a cup of cold water by Jesus. It was a small act of kindness, done despite the risk of beating by the guards; but it was an act loaded with meaning – for it acknowledged the humanity even of the slave.

Jesus once said that we would be judged for every careless word: By that meant it is the unconscious gestures, the words said without careful scrutiny, the small and unconscious acts of kindness or cruelty done when no one is looking that reveal the quality of our hearts, and the essence of what we really believe.

Jesus once told a parable about separating the nations like sheep and goats, according to whether they had cared for the Lord – both the blessed and the condemned are surprised, saying – “ we never saw you” – but the judge replied- when you cared for the hungry or sick or naked or imprisoned along the way, you ministered to me.

Jesus once praised a widowed woman who put two pennies into the temple offering box – and said, “her gift was greater than the fat cheques of the wealthy – not because of the amount she gave, but because she held nothing back.” It is also the thousands of tiny little acts of service and kindness, that turn the world into a caring, Christian and humane place.

Jesus once said, “ Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Even though the protestant Reformation teaches that we are saved by faith alone, it is how we live in response to God’s acceptance that demonstrates whether there is any life in our faith.

Even though: The Gospel message is God “Accepts the unacceptable”

Even though: Christ on the cross- is God’s billboard saying we are worth dying for, just as we are

Even though: Luther reminded us that this grace is God’s free gift, and faith is merely the acceptance of this acceptance, nevertheless, perhaps paradoxically:

It is in our daily activities, it is the faith that we embody, that demonstrates whether that faith has any life in it.

I met Mary Harley just once, that I can recall about three weeks ago…but in that hour or so, I not only fell in love with her…as I am sure most of you have… What I learned in that hour was that she was a woman who had somehow reached deep into the heart of the divine – and found the paradoxical union of faith and action. She had found faith that love is the essence of the divine – it is the most powerful force in the universe, and living love in the flesh is what makes life matter.

How she came to this faith is all tied up with her family relations:

Her faith sown by her parents and her proximity to this congregation.

Father built it

Crawled under the fence to explore it

Was picked up and cuddled by its members

Felt at home in it

Met friends and used her CSI detective powers to find a scavenger hunt prize ( a model elephant) in the wood stove of the old frame church.

Her faith was jolted by lightning – with a tragic death of her younger sister and best friend in a collision with a train;

Her faith began to find practical expression in her care for her family.

Wept to see the building moving down the road on skids- not realizing it was moving to a larger lot about four blocks away.

However that faith was formed, it bore fruit in practice – in life in the flesh: Did you see Mary Harley in these words of Prov. 31:

A supportive Mate,

A provisioning mother,

A capable business partner

A productive gardener,

A community care-giver

And a joy to be around.

A good wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. He is known in the city gates, taking his seat among the elders of the land,

Fairy-tale – happily ever after relationship with Gordon, whom she merely walked past, as she descended the escalator at Eaton’s.

Supporting his career, waiting up for him to return home late from travels, playing piano to relax

Standing by his side at company events, smiling at his jokes, she’d heard delivered to company events previous;

Singing the first few bars of a song so he could begin to play the piano.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. She …works with willing hands. Her lamp does not go out at night.

Worked hard- carrying wood into the house to start the coal fired furnace;

Babysitting in the 30’s when money was tight,

Caring for household mother and father and younger brother when sister patty was killed; and did so without complaining.

Provided for the household alone, when Gordon traveling to build up his career.

Made her house the gathering place, not only for children, but for grandchildren – who loved to have sleepovers there.

She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Capable in her own right – smart, loved school competed with Sam Inkster for top class rank.

Grew fabulous gardens around her house

She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong.

Though she was gentle, profound strength –

Teaching to tie shoelaces

Persistence

She continued to hold the family together, and to model the dignity and responsibilities towards which her children and grandchildren could aspire.

She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy.

Active in several community groups – FG Community Club, Wildwood Club, Winter Club, FGUC, Prayer Group

Taught lessons of love and care

Disappointment or betrayal – taught to forgive

Someone mean- always pray for them, forgive them, smile at them.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised.

Dazzling beauty inside and out .. (Scouted by Timothy Eaton himself – to move from selling jewelry to modeling wedding dresses, but did not let Icelandic good looks go to their head.

She was a gentle, unselfish, humble and caring.

She was someone who did not preach faith, but lived it out in the ordinary everyday activities of life. She modeled a high standard of doing to others as you would have them do unto you.

All this is not to suggest Mary Harley was a prissy Ms. Perfect, some kind of plastic saint:

Loved outdoors

On balcony daily

Loved watching birds

Loved skiing on any little hill that Manitoba would afford

Loved walking

Loved dancing, often in the tiny kitchen of their house

Traveling together to Anna Marie and Naples Islands in Florida

loved music.

The final phrases of Proverbs 31 give us hope with which to grieve well.

Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.

Mary Harley was not worried about her future. Faced her death with courage – without complaint…

She usually said she was fine, and at the end, when things were hard, she’s just answer, “I don’t know.”

Mary hoped to die on October 13, same day as Gordon, so that there would only be one day in the year that was sad for her family.

She said to patty when her brother died a few days ago “they are all there now;” She sensed that they had passed over the horizon like a ship at sea; but that somehow there would be other voices beyond our sight ready to take up the call “here she come.”

Mary had no cause to be anxious. She had plumbed the heart of faith –that living a life that matters is the divine method, content and reward. In her own way she lived the life of love that God calls holy. She has nothing to worry for. And, so while we feel our own loss, we may celebrate the life of Mary Harley and know that she is graciously welcomed into the hands of God.

A good wife, who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

As a result, we may be sure that she reaps the blessing of scripture:

Her children rise up and call her blessed.

A woman who honours the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her workspraise her in those pearly gates.

May the blessings of the God who creates, sustains and welcomes home be yours

May the nourishments of the earth be yours,

May the clarity of the light be yours

May the fluency of the ocean be yours

May the generosity of the heavens be yours,

And may a slow wind work God’s word of love around you, and invisible cloak to warm you and sustain you in all your ways.

Amen.

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Eulogy For Mary Harley read by Son Jim Harley

As you know, or mom, grandmother and great grandmother, Mary Harley, passed away peacefully on October 23, 2010 surrounded by her family.

We all knew that mom's death was imminent. Nonetheless it was hard to watch as she declined and even harder to accept when it finally occurred.

My mom was a happy person who had a positive outlook on life and I don't have the slightest doubt it contributed to her long, successful life.

I've heard it said on several occasions that death is the ultimate truth of life. I don't believe that. I believe that the ultimate truth of life is how you live your lifeand, in that regard, Mom excelled.

Mom gave my sisters and I constant love and encouragement when we were growing up and that same love and encouragement continued on two more generations, her grandchildren and her great grandchildren. Mom gave the same love and encouragement to my dad, who she adored. They were deeply in love and it showed everyday. As time goes by, I will think of my mom often and when I think of her I will always think of my mom and my dad together. They had a love like no other and loved being together.

While unquestionably a loving mother, she was strict when I was a kid, and very, very hard to fool- impossible, in fact. If she wasn't buying whatever story I was giving her on any occasion (and sticking to that story) when I was in trouble, she'd give me "the look" and usually say "Well, Jimmy, that's a mystery, then, isn't it?" She just knew- she always did.

While strict, she was always therer to comfort us. I remember to this day, the day my grandfather, Robert Harley, passed away in 1958. He and I were very close - I was devastated- and it was only my mon's comforting thgat ould help ease the pain.

I learned many things from my mom and one thing was perseverance. My momhad seen some touogh times, lived with her family though the Great Depression in the 30's, sometimes wondering where the next meal was going to come from, and lost her 16 year old sister to a tragic car/train accident in St. Norbert during this same period - and from all this, coupled with growing up in a loving family, came her amazing strength and perseverance. I came across a poem some time ago on a calendar (author unknown) That seemed to embody the essence of her spirit - I'd like to read it.

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the depts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When life is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's whenthings go wrong that you mustn't quit."

While mom saw some tough times when she was young, and especially in the 30's, she was a person who appreciated the small moments of happiness, laughter and joy thoughout the course of each day. people with capacity to do this are more likely to be resilient when encountering adversity. A lot of times people can get so wrapped up thinking about the future and the past that they are blind to the good things that are happening right now. There is no doubt that her ability to be happy, to focus on life's little joys, contributed in great measure to her long, happy life,

While Mom, without question, fought a valiant battlwe over the last six months, to say that my sister Patty assisted my mom in fighting the "good fight" (as she did with our dad) would be a vast understatement. In doing so, she went well above and far beyoind anything that could be possibly done for a mother by a child (and as I believe most of you know, by her professional training as a nurse) that could possibly be done to enable Mom to live the last months of her life at home and pass away at home, in comfort and with dignity. Patty lived with my mom for the last six months of her life. The fight that vthey fought together was a fight thatthey would, unfortunately, and inevitably, both lose, but fight they did. Mom could not have had a better person in the corner. Patty thank you again.

I also want to take this opportunity to also thank my brother-in-law, Dennis Nord, once again, for all the things he did for my mom and the time he spent with her, as he did with my dad over the years. He wasn't just their son-in-law, he was their friend- their best friend. Dennis always gave unselfishly of his time and played a huge role in the many happy retirement years my mom and dad had together and in four years following my dad's passing. My mom and dad especially enjoyed Dennis's excellent sense of humour. I'll give you and example. When we we looking at pictures of my momand dad together and, in particular, their wedding pictures, when Dennis, Patty and I were composing Mom's obituary, Dennis and I both commented on What a great looking couple mom and dad were. There was a pause and Dennis turned to me, shook his head, and said, "You know, you really should have been a lot better looking." (That actually has occurred to me.)

I didn't say I enjoyed his sense of humour.

As I indicated when I began this eulogy, my mom was a happy person who had a great outlook on life. As indicated in her obituary notice, her beautiful smile was inviting and her heart was open to everyone that she met. My dad was a great one for cutting out some little passage or article in a magazine or the paper that caught his eye and i'd like to read such a passage that he had cut out that had moved him and that had moved my mother. It contains a simple message - a

philosophy, really, that mom embraced as wholeheartedly as my dad did. It reads as follows:

"THE VALUE OF A SMILE

A smile is nature's best antidote for discouragement. It brings rest to the weary, sunshine to those who are

sad and hope to those who are hopeless and defeated. A smile is so valuable that it can't be brought,begged,

borrowed, or taken away against your will. You have to be willing to give a smile away before it can do anyone

else any good.

So if someone is too tired or grumpy to flash you a smile, let him have oneof yours anyway. Nobody needs a

smile as much as the person who has none to give."

Mary Harley's smile - it was her signature.

What a long great life Mom had and what a wife, sister, mother, greandmother and great grandmother and friend she was. Mom was a huge part of our lives and we will miss her deeply and fondly remeber her as long as we live.

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Eulogy for Mary Harley - read by son -in-law Dennis Nord

This is nice…..when you Reach 91 you usually experience a shortage of friends so today is a very pleasant surprise. It’s really nice to see so many friends of Mary’s and Gord’s here today. I also recognize many friends and colleagues of our other family members, and want to thank them for making a special effort to join us today.

On behalf of the family I also want to extend a special welcome to the members of the Simpson family here today. Jack Simpson, Mary’s younger brother, passed away less than a week before Mary . Jack’s service was last Monday and I know some of the family members extended their stay in Winnipeg to be here today. We thank you.

As I was preparing I found it’s difficult to talk about Mary without mentioning Gord. They were more than a couple, they were a partnership…. a team. For most of those days Gordy was a little more in the spotlight. With his outgoing personality, his charming and charismatic presence…it was hard to keep the light off him. Mary was OK with that. She was modest and unpretentious person and was comfortable with a little lower profile...she just enjoyed watching him. Who didn’t ?

Those who knew her well knew she played a vital role in the family. The reason she was behind Gordy was to provide support when he needed it ….or a gentle nudge of encouragement when that was appropriate.

She played that role of quiet cheerleader well. She instilled confidence and faith in the family members. She exemplified those old Investors axioms of hard work and perseverance. “If you want something….work hard for it and it will happen. If things get difficult…keep trying….and soon you will be successful” When you think of it, it’s hard to imagine better valuesto instill in your children.

Mary and I spent a lot of time together just after Gord passed away and before she moved to the Canoe Club. She still had her driver’s license, but was less and less confident handling the heavy traffic. This marked the beginning of the “Driving Miss Daisy’ era. For a couple of years I was in charge of making sure she got to Doctor, Dentist, shopping, massage and hairdresser appointments.

Fortunately I had transitioned to a half time assignment at the school board office so I was ready, willing and able to meet the challenge. We became great friends during that time. Moving around the city gave us lots of time to chat and visit and there weren’t many topics that were off limits. She had a depth of understanding of many of life and world issues once you got her out of her “Gramma’ role. We shared many good times during our travels which often ended with a fresh tomato sandwich back at her condo.

I still laugh the “hairdresser sketch” as I liked to call it. On Fridays When I took her to the hairdresser…. she always looked 100% better going in than she did leaving.This baffled me but I didn’t say anything ….until one day I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. In my own sensitive way I asked if they at least gave her a bowl of soup with that haircut. She smiled and said “ She’s such a nice girl…..and she’s still learning so I don’t want to hurt her feelings” So the routine became hairdresser on Friday, then Patty would fix it on Saturday.

As Dan mentioned Mary had a strong faith and belief in Jesus and her Lord a. Circumstances did not allow her to attend her church on a regular basis however, she did set aside time each day for reading scripture and other religious inspirational materials. It comforted her and helped set up her day. Daily prayer was also part of her life.

My daughter Chris recently shared a “prayer story “from a recent sleepover with her Gramma. (Yes, she’s 39 and still had sleepovers with her Gramma)

Bedtime arrived and they knelt down beside the bed…elbows on top of the bed, hands in the prayer position resting on their chins. She started by praying for family members, both present and past. She said some prayers for her friends who were struggling with different issues . Her friends and staff at the Canoe Club came next before she prayed for the farmers in Manitoba, asking for good weather and time to help them get their crops in. She moved west, praying for the safety of the firefighters in Alberta and British Columbia. Chris told me her knees were killing her before Gramma finished putting in a good word for everyone she thought could use a little help.

I often wished Praying was in the Olympics…….Canada could send Mary…… a medal was a certainty.

I was this faith and conviction that carried Mary through some tough times in her life. She overcame the staggering loss of Gordon, her husband, friend and lover of nearly 70 years. They were seldom apart during those years and I literally mean apart. I’ve probably looked at over 200 pictures of them at various stages in their lives and haven’t seen more than a few where they are not touching each other….holding hands, hugging, photo after photo.

And then he was gone. Her inner strength and faith carried her through that time like we could not believe.

She continued to believe that he existed…. She just couldn’t see him for now. Photos in her home and the music that she listened were a constant reminder of him… and I know she spoke to him often. She didn’t need to try and forget him because for Mary, this was a temporary separation.

When she knew her time with us was drawing to a close, she was perfectly at peace. She had no doubt….no doubt where she was headed and who she would be with. She would soon be with her husband Gordon, her mom and dad, her brother Jack and her sister Patty. I can’t tell you what a comfort that was to Mary and her family.

Before I close I want to share one story of a character that could make all of Mary’s calmness and grace disappear. A character that could get under her skin and make her blood boil.

He was an especially disagreeable Dachshund called Duff. I almost said answered to the name of Duff…..but Duff didn’t answer to anything you called him. And we called him a lot of things. Duff felt he was a German shepherd and though some hideous error had been put in a wiener dog’s body. He was not happy about it and he shared that with everyone.

It was April of 1966 and, if you lived on the river at that time, it meant sandbagging. Throngs of people were in the backyard lending a helping hand. Duff was doing what he did best which was growling at people, refusing to get out of the way, or ripping open sand bags. Mary finally had enough and trudged over to where he was in her rubber boots.

“Duff!!….Duff !! Come over here right now!!!” she hollered. Duff turned his head slowly, blinked once then looked the other way. “Duff!! I’ve had it with you! Get over here! Duff” still no response from the dog ….but a man’s voice said “Yes?” Mary turned to her left to see that our esteemed premier was also in the back yard at that time not to far away from her. She almost fainted with embarrassment. That dog was her nemesis.

In the end it all worked out…Duff the dog just left one day. The other Duff was selected as our Greatest Manitoban so I guess he wasn’t too traumatized.

We’ve grieved over the past week and we are so sad she’s gone, but she’s shown us how to cope and we’ll manage. Above all right now we are thankful for the life of this wonderful lady and the time she spent with us. This kind, loving, and youthful spirit who graced our lives for so many years. She will never be forgotten.

Jim kindly made reference to Pat’s devotion to her Mom. She was nothing short of heroic. She did have some help during this past year with Gramma. Christie, Lana and Dan were faithful and loyal supporters of their Grandmother and Mother over this past 6 months. Mary has passed on so many her qualities of compassion kindness, commitment and love of life to them … for this I am forever in her debt.

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Eulogy for Mary Harley - read by grandson Dan Nord

A Tribute

To An Angel

Mary Harley

Celebrate Her Life

&

God Bless Her Soul

At first I was afraid to do a eulogy for Gram. It just seemed so daunting and it didn’t seem possible to somehow put in words. – How can you climb Mount Everest in an hour. This is a woman you could write a 10,000 page novel about and still not capture the amazing life she lived, the lives that she touched, her amazing accomplishments, and her unrivaled character.

There are so many amazing memories we, as grandchildren have – all the time spent at Gram and Gramps beautiful and welcoming home on South Drive. From sleepovers to bike rides to playing in the leaves – it was all so much fun. Little did we know that the time with them would be so valuable and play such a big part in shaping our character and personality.

Despite all the amazing memories, I still struggled with finding words, I still didn’t know where to start.

So,…I thought what grandma would want me to say. Maybe a few nice things about her……and then it hit me that, yes, that is what most people think of first, but that is the last thing grandma would ever think of. She wouldn’t want me to say a word about her outstanding qualities.

She would say Oh Danny don’t you dare say all those nice things- That’s not necessary dear. Something I could improve about myself….her selflessness was untouchable.

What I will tell you though is the word that came to mind when minister Gord put me on the spot (“bless his heart”, as Gram would say) and asked me what the one word would be that I would choose to describe Gram – and this is the word that came to mind:

Humility (adjectival form: humble) is the quality of being modest, reverential, even politely submissive, and never being arrogant, contemptuous, rude or even self-abasing. THAT WAS GRANDMA, to a tee.

I continued to struggle, and I Thought to myself what Grandma would want me to say? Then I thought to myself, well if I had a grandchild who I was so close with, then became unbelievably close with- in the last few years…. what I would want him or her to say….and the answer was….I would want him to SHARE everything I had taught him. Every way I enlightened him and his soul, everything I taught him that he didn’t know or anything he ever asked me about. I reflected BACK how Grandma never once preached to me or tried to convince me of anything……but was so so happy when I figured it all out. She was so so happy when I could sit there and talk about what really makes a good person, and what REALLY is the right way to live in the world we exist in. She would say oh no Danny you don’t to go on about me, there is no need to say oh those things oh no come on. She would say just tell them how much you love jesus and how you have let him into your heart. Tell them how you learned humility, to love, to forgive, to treat others how you would want to be treated, to be patient, kind and thoughtful. And I can stand here and tell you, that if you just open up yourself to the possibility, MIRACLES DO and will happen. From the bottom of my heart.

My first memory of Grandma is this friendly looking lady, with a big smile, and beautiful blond wavy hair. As nice and sweet as she looked….I quickly realized that she wouldn’t be a pushover- she was teaching me to tie my shoes and tie them properly, there was no exception, no distractions, no cheese breaks, no looking for something else to do, and you certainly couldn’t look around the room for what you wanted to do next. SNAP FINGERS, finish the job! That’s the way it was with Gram and I and our projects – it was hard in the beginning but we always finished what we started – and always had fun in the end. She taught me perseverance and determination….and to focus, dig deep and get the job done. In doing so, she allowed me to experience the feeling of a job well done, the satisfaction of completing a daunting task and the fulfillment and pleasure of cooperation and success.

Its funny tho because she used to let me eat all the cheese I wanted when I was little. She would tell me how I would keep quiet and busy for hours as long as I had a block of cheese. She told me of memories she has about me with the fridge door open just staring at the cheese drawer (imitate). But things changed as I grew up. Over the last few years, if I put on a few pounds, or was maybe slacking off a bit with my exercise or just having some unhealthy eating weeks….she would always joke with me to go easy on the cheese. I would be busy at work one week, not exercise, maybe have French fries a few times, harmless, she would look at me…….have you…..been….eating…..a bit too much cheese? Did Costco have a cheese special and you cleaned them out of big blocks??!?! It used to tick me off when she would say that, until I realized she was just looking out for me. So the last few years I would joke back with her. She would say….you look like you may have been eating too much cheese lately Danny. She didn’t beat around the bush!! So I told her she created the cheese monster..and she laughed and said that’s true, but you are a man now, and The wise man chooses the right path. Her words were always so powerful if you listened closely. So I would go over to her house and she would have my favourite cheese, BALDERSONS and a fridge full of it…unlimited cheese….I would go sit with her and I would proudly say…see Grandma…only one piece a day. She would just laugh. That’s it. Just laughed. She saw that I finally realized she was only trying to help, and we were both just so happy when we shared a moment like that. No words, just sitting holding eachothers hands smiling and laughing.

Grandma was always looking out for your well being. It didn’t really matter if you liked it or not, she was going to tell you what you needed to know. It wasn’t until I finally realized this….that I became even closer with her…and got to know her real soft sensitive caring side. It made it all clear to me why she was strict and stern in the first place…. Because we would be such better people now….and one day we would realize it and be so thankful of the person she helped us become. I would repeatedly thank her that now for all she has done for me….. and she laughs and says oh dear you don’t need to thank me. And look at me with her eyes saying…I am just so happy to be here sitting talking to you.

On Gram’s first day home from the hospital where she had been for a few months, we shared an unbelievably beautiful moment together. She was glowing when she got to go back home and We were sitting on the balcony that day as we liked to do.

Grandma: This is such a beautiful view Danny

Dan: It is we can see wildwood park, that brings back so many memories.

Grandma: Oh yes.

Dan: The red river somehow right now looks beautiful to me

Grandma: Oh yes, at a certain time of day you can see diamonds on the water

Dan: Laughing about how amazing everything seemed at that moment…Geez Grandma even this guy cutting the grass down there…even the smell of that fresh cut grass seems so nice right now…

Grandma: Oh I can’t smell that.

Dan: What do you mean you can’t smell that?

Grandma: Well I haven’t had my sense of smell since Grandma was very very ill in his last months.

Dan: Oh, sorry Grandma, what happened?

G : well, grandpa was very ill already – couldn’t do much on his own anymore, when he contracted a violent stomach virus. He was so sick and needed so much help and it was so hard….I couldn’t do it on my own anymore….so I prayed to God that night to help me help Gordy.

DAn: and…….. what happened??

G: I woke up the next morning and I had lost my sense of smell. It became so much easier to take care of him….haven’t had a sense of smell since.

D: so let me get this straight, you prayed for your sense of smell to go away so you could continue to take care of Gordy? And it went away?

G: Yes

D: That is the most amazing story I have ever heard.

G: Yes (SMILE).

So I said……….(running hands through hair like gonna say something sad)….WELL you coulda told me that 5 years ago it would have helped me and saved me a lot of time trying to figure things out.

She said I new you had the Ability and the humility to open up to the possibility. And I knew you would complete your journey.

She was honestly like my little yoda, but like a female beauty pageant with all the answers angel yoda.

It said so much about the power of her faith and the power of her love for gramps – never-ending – and there was nothing she would not have done for him.

There were funny moments over the last year where Grandma would “fluff” in front of me by mistake (God bless her soul), she would be so embarrassed….and I don’t know what the issue was all I ever smelled was roses. I would ask her if she aint the roses for breakfast. Then I would laugh and say Grandma, I can’t smell a thing….the real blessing her is you cant smell my fluffs. After that I used to let em rip all the time around her. Free Pass.

Nothing made her smile or squeeze YOUR hand harder then when YOU said “God Bless You Grandma”. She would smile and look at me with the happiest most glowing face. She was so happy that I understood what she did, and she was so happy that I was praying and thinking of her. She would shake her hand and look at me so happy. She was so proud of me. She said, I knew you were paying attention when I used to make you watch my jesus programs with me as a boy. As honest as we both always were with eachother- I said honestly Grandma, (we never beat around the bush and always spoke the truth) I really didn’t like those programs at all, It’s just that those programs were on every single God Dang channel Sunday morning so I didn’t have a choice!! How many channels can this guy be on!!!!?!? I didn’t have the capacity to understand back then, I wanted to learn my life lessons from smurfs. But, I think she was right, I was listening.

Recently someone did something very hurtful towards me by taking something from me that I worked very hard on. My grandma was heartbroken when she heard. When she saw me, she said, you know Dan, you have to forgive him. The old me would have been mad at her for saying that. But this time,now, I Said” I know Grandma, I have”. And she said…OH YOU DID….and she was just so so proud of me, she looked at me in amazement. She had that look in her eye that just showed you how happy she was with you. It was more powerful than any words. “OH DANNY I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.”.

With Grandpa we learned you could change people, your surroundings and even the world with humor and laughs. Grandma showed us the power of kindness and how it could change others and yourself. She would say: For those people who are not kind to you Danny……pray for them. And Danny……forgive them. For those people who never have a kind face for you….smile at them, and do it every day.

When it comes to love, I sometimes struggle with the words. One afternoon I said to grandma…you know I love you right even though I don’t say it enough…….and she looked at me and said….oh dear, you don’t have to tell me…I know. She captured my heart forever with those words. And to me, that says everything about her. It was never…. about her. It was never EVER about her. She didn’t need anything but your love. She didn’t need any accolades/gratitude/praise….she just needed you to be ok, and have your love. She just wanted to see you smile, and to hold your hand.

TO think how many lives she touched, how many lives she enriched, and how many lives she enlightened……is truly inspiring to me, and should be for everyone who has been graced with her presence.

I will pray every day to remember everything she has taught me. I will also pray that you will remember everything she instilled in you……..from whatever moments you shared with her. The gift that we can we give her is to carry on her legacy through the way we live our lives and the lessons we teach our children and grandchildren.

God Bless you Grandma Harley...I love you……and a bushel and a peck.....

I DO, AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH GRANDMA. ONE DAY WE WILL BE UNITED AGAIN. GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL, YOU ARE AN ANGEL IN MY EYES AND GOD’S IM SURE. Love Dan.