Dear Gay ,
I miss you over and over. Miss our talks and our laughs.  I think about you all the time. 
Fond memories,
Brenda

Remembering my dear friend.  We had the best times when we met up. Still shocked she was taken so early. I love you Gay.

I so miss our talks, the laughs we had.  The experience of being at KC VA together. I continue to think about you. Miss you friend. 
Brenda 

The world was a better place  because of Gay..Her personality and her zest to live a quality life. She was sincerely devoted to helping people. Treating everyone with dignity and respect. It was an honor and privilege and Gay was A Remarkable women!! Deeply sorry  for your loss.

Gay was a friend at Punahou School in Honolulu.  In the Spring of 1979, she arranged for her McKinley High School friend Rae Ann M to be my senior prom date.  I think we met at Gay's house during a disco party!  It took weeks of her persuading her friend, and she was up to the challenge.  I'm certain she was one of the nicest, most kindly level-headed  people I have met in life.  I was not aware of how well she did on the mainland, but I am not at all surprised (my brother certainly saw her at Brown).  At Punahou, she seemed always to be in the company of Sharon (V) L, who is a popular teacher back at that same school. I will take the opportunity to keep those memories alive with our common friends because they are such happy memories.

I was a patient of Dr. Tokumaru at the Hampton VA Medical Center for years and each and every time I saw her she made the day seem much brighter.  She was always cheerful.  Just the sound of her high heels walking down the hallway was enough to cheer you up.

I am SO sorry about your loss, she will always be in my thoughts.

John

     We first met Dr Tokumaru about five years ago at the low vision clinic in the VA Medical Center, Hampton, VA.  Tony was admitted for treatment there.  She was so cheerful and uplifting.  During the time we came, at least two interns were assisting her for their training.  This is one veteran who appreciates her care and concern.  She was well known and respected by the vision community.  We are so very sorry to see her passing  and will miss her presence when we return to Hampton.
Sincerely
Anthony and Sharron D'Angelo
Virginia Beach

I couldn't believe that Gay was gone. I saw her October 2017 at AAO. We exchanged the usual pleasantries in passing. I wasn't aware of her health concerns, so I was completely shocked to learn of her untimely death. 
I have known Gay for many years between her being a VA preceptor for externs affiliated with OSU College of Optometry and the AAO EQAC. 
Condolences to your family and loved ones. This will create a void within the optometric profession that will be felt for some time. 
RIP, Sweet Gay.
Cynthia 

I was saddened to hear of the passing of Gay.   In fact I am still in shock from the email the Academy sent out, and will be for some time.  Gay always had a smile on her face and would light up a room when she entered.  Academy meetings will not bet the same without her.  She will be sorely missed.  Deepest condolences.  

Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Andy and Gay's family and friends for this tremendous loss.  In the time we volunteered together, I never met anyone as dedicated or selfless, and she gave all of herself to better the lives of the cats and kittens without desire for acknowledgment.  Our home is only complete because Gay helped us to adopt the fur-babies that we could not live without, and she will remain in our hearts and minds forever.

Sincere and heartfelt condolences go out to the Bessen family at this time of loss.  Gay was valuable and trusted friend and colleague who will be sorely missed by all.

I will greatly miss Gay. Dr.T -as the students called her, was an extraordinary teacher and residency supervisor. She was passionate and meticulous about every case, every chart and presentation I got to complete as a resident. She dedicated herself entirely to the care of the patients and teaching when she was at the VA. The patients loved seeing her every time, we had a tough time getting patients out of the exam chair because they simply enjoyed their time with Dr.T who always had something funny and personal to say during their exam. We laughed and had funny jokes about our day. Every day was intense, engaging, and fun to be next to Dr.T. We last got to see each other on the most important day of my life - on my wedding day. She was there for me simply always, ever since our paths crossed. I’m grateful to God for giving me a chance to have her in my life, she will continue to live in our hearts and memories .

I was shocked to open my email from the Academy and receive the news of this devastating loss.  I met Gay through VA optometry early in her career and we became great friends for many years and served together on the board of NAVAO of a number of years .  As others have mentioned I had no idea she was ill.  This is a great loss, not only for her family and friends but also her potential students and residents, her patients and the profession of optometry as a whole.  She was a dynamo and was always so positive and cheerful.  She will be greatly missed.

Gay, exuded caring and special talent in dealing with her patients. Even as a student at Cal

Later, I interacted with her in the American Academy of Optometry and was always impressed with her stirring energy and commitment to service,advancing the causes that she clearly loved.

I believe Gay will be missed tremendously by the many who enjoyed her dedicated approach to commited service by helping others.

 Tony Adams OD, PhD FAAO
Professor & Dean Emeritus
UCB School of Optometry
Past President, American Academy of Optometry [AAO] and American Optometric Foundation [AOF, now AAOF]

I think I met Gay at my first Academy meeting and I was awestruck by her energy and enthusiasm for Optometry.   I volunteered to help her committee thinking she would be an outstanding mentor and colleague.  15 meetings later, I can say with a sorrowful heart that I will miss her and will think of her smile and her willingness to help her fellow man.  Αἰωνία ἡ μνήμη is Greek for Memory be Eternal.  we pray that her memory will be eternal.  May our God bless her husband and family as they cope with their loss.

Gay will truly be missed. I enjoyed our talks every year at Academy and I was never brave enough to take her advice and go wild with bright streaks in my hair. She was always encouraging and supportive, a great mentor.  Condolences to Andy and her family. 

I offer my most heartfelt condolences to Andy, Ann, and family. There are no words sufficient enough to cover over the grief of losing a beloved one. The resurrection hope God gives lets us know that we can see our loved ones again-Acts 24:15, John 5:28-29. May this help comfort you all during this most difficult time.


I first met Gay in 2002 when she served as one of the examiners for my AAO Fellowship oral exam.  Little did I know at that time that she would go on to become a dear mentor and friend. I subsequently served with Gay for number of years on the board of the National Association of VA Optometrists, as well as the Academy’s Lectures and Workshops Committee. I learned so much from Gay during those years and was so impressed by her boundless energy and how selflessly she served the profession, as well as VA optometry. I would always look forward to seeing Gay at the annual Academy meetings where we would catch up and share laughs together. I will miss her so much, but am truly thankful to have known Gay and am grateful for all the support and encouragement she provided to me in my career. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Andy, and the rest of her family.

Dear Andy,
Gay and I met almost 30 years ago as residents at the Kansas City VA.  I was a small town girl from MO and she from Oahu.  We were quite the pair.  We were on a mission, along with Tim Harkins,  to make changes at the VA and to serve our patients well. She was a dynamic force from the get go. We had a great year academically and in friendship. We clicked from the very beginning. She made me laugh,  she taught me low vision, she met me most every year at academy for more laughs and stories....... We would stay up late on the first night we were together at academy talking for hours until we fell asleep.  She was kind, loving, determined, selfless,  and productive. She dearly loved you Andy and their travel adventures. 
Even though we were miles apart, when we talked on the phone or saw each other it was as if time had not passed. That is a true friendship. I miss her so much. My trips to academy will now have a void, but my memories will live on forever. I love you Gay. Peace to you Andy in all your days ahead. We both had the pleasure of the presence of a remarkable lady.

Gay lit up the room.  Her love of life and vibrant personality immediately disarmed even the most introverted.  Her compassion for people and animals was one of the many hallmark traits I attribute to Gay.  Her love of Andy, her cats and their life together was expressed every time I saw her with her smile and sparkle in her eyes.  

Whenever we had an event, she cooked up a storm.  We spoke of animals often.  Gay and Andy are responsible for teaching countless neglected ones to care and trust people...giving them a real chance of being adopted and loved.  Their generosity of time and financial support extended that impact to so many more animals.

My last time with Gay & Andy was at a friends birthday party.  We had a great time taking pictures and laughing into the night.  This photo captures the relationship they had and fun loving spirit.  

To her family, she was one special woman.  Your daughter's accomplishments, vibrant personality and caring heart are a true reflection of your influence and her upbringing.  

To Andy, you will hear this a lot right now, but if you need anything, please ask.  We want to help.


We both worked with Dr T at the Hampton VA and Bishop always requested her when his eye exams were due. Dr T was a delight!  When she came to meetings she was a dynamo. She seemed to come prepared with data to make her point and she presented the same with conviction and enthusiasm. We always laughed when she was around!  She made meetings fun. I sat in with Bishop during his eye exam this year. She sent in a student who struggled and was quite perplexed with challenges presented. When she came to check the work we learned she was a GREAT teacher too. We are so sad to hear if her passing so young. We will keep the family in prayer. 

Dearest Gay and Andy,
Thank you for shoveling our driveway, for introducing us to good wines, for our first taste of Osso Bucco, for grilled salmon, for suggesting a solution to the eye problem, for showing us your yearbook with Barry Obama's photo as a high school senior, for introducing each new kitten, for the Christmas candles and for being our first friends in the neighborhood.  We will always be grateful for your warmth and kindnesses and will never look at your house again without seeing you in the driveway waving.
love to you both, Ruth And Edward

Gay was such a great mentor and friend of optometry. I will always cherish my externship rotation at the Hampton VA where she taught me how to be a great VA optometrist. I always looked forward to seeing her at meetings because she would greet me with a kind hug and a laugh, and gave me the confidence I needed before my AAO lectures. I am thankful to have known her and trained under her, and for her encouragement and support throughout my career.   

I had the unique pleasure of getting to know Gay through her daily stops in Newport News to pick up Andrew after work - our close working relationship at the shipyard required a few late nights that provided me the opportunity to drive Andrew home; thereby, saving Gay the inconvenience of making a second round-trip from Williamsburg.  Over the last two years Gay and my wife used these short stops to exchange favorite wines - the four short thank you notes from Gay will be cherished for the simple sincerity and deep appreciation of the little things done in her behalf.  The last note she wrote to me just days prior to her passing continues to overwhelm me with emotion, and I feel it is appropriate to share her final words in that note with all of you who were blessed to know this uniquely loving, caring and selfless wife, daughter, friend, colleague and caregiver - I am certain that Gay left us in the comfort of knowing that her life journey achieved deepest sense of purpose and richest meaning: "...Thank you for sharing - and as always for your sincere thoughts and prayers Gay."

I was shocked and saddened after hearing the news.  Though it’s been almost 30 years since we last saw each other, I can’t forget your refreshing smile and your goofy wide mouth Hawaiian laugh.  Who knew you were athletic, hitting golf balls and bowling on our lunch break at Letterman Hospital. Though you never participated in the football pool and we never got a chance to share chub chub cat photos, you will be greatly missed and always remembered in the class of 88.  Go Bears.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. 

Most of my interactions with Gay were at Academy and other professional meetings. I always remember her standing at the Academy help desk (never sitting) enthusiastically and proactively addressing individuals needing assistance or just to be a friendly face willing to chat. It is clear that she was service oriented and devoted to her profession and thus showed her love and caring attitude for humanity. Some do it for show, Gay did it from her heart. She will be missed.

Dr. T and I met 25 years ago at the Hampton VA Medical Center and over the years we became friends.  At every visit, I left feeling better because of her wonderful, cheerful personality.  I will miss her smile.  Andy, I pray you take comfort in knowing Gay was loved by many and will be missed.

Looking at the photo of Gay's parents I can see hers.
I do not recall ever seeing her in other than an upbeat, positive mood which was infectious.  She could always cheer me up.
All of us will miss her but will imagine her in her next trip with a blue streak in her hair.



I was shocked when I heard this news.  I did not know Dr. Tokumaru (Dr. T) had been ill.  She was always so energetic and happy when I was around her (which was as recently as just a few months ago).  I only had the opportunity to work directly with Dr. T once, which was early in my career.  Even then, all of our communication was via email.  This took place when she was the President of the NAVAO.  The following year, I was fortunate enough to meet her in person at Academy during the NAVAO banquet.  Although she had numerous other responsibilities, she made it a point to seek me out and introduce herself.  From that point on, anytime we were at the same meeting/CE, she always went out of her way to speak to me.  She met my wife (who is a private  practice OD that never worked with her) a few years later, but again, she always made it a point to speak to her when they attended the same class.  Dr. T was always so humble that you would never have guessed all that she had accomplished.  Knowing some of the doctors that worked with her, I am told she was one of the most compassionate doctors anywhere.  Based on my interactions with her, I would not doubt that in the least.  Dr. T gave back so much to the optometric community; yet for all that she did, we lost more than a pioneer in our field, we lost a great friend that could never be replaced.  On behalf of myself and my family, our thoughts and prayers go out to her family and her colleagues at the Hampton VAMC.

Words cannot express the loss we all feel at this time, but my heart and prayers go with all the family, friends, and colleagues of Gay Tokumaru Bessen.  May the family find peace and strength at this time, and may we all find grace in our expression of grief to you. I never know what to say to anyone who suffers a loss, just as I never quite know how to accept condolences.  Gay was always better at relating to others than I ever will be.  She knew how to make a room brighten and keep everyone laughing, though I doubt she even had to put forth the effort.  She was quick to laugh and easy to be with, and though we only ever met in person at the occasional conference (speaking more over email), I will always think of her as a friend.  
When I turned 40, Gay tried to talk me into putting a pink or blue streak in my hair (in defiance of aging).  She pointed to the purplish streak in her own hair in order to convince me that I could be fun and professional at the same time.  I tried to point out that a cute, spunky, tiny, little Asian woman with dark hair could get away with (considerably) more hair dye than a stick-in-the-mud, non-tiny, glow-in-the-dark, blonde woman.  She scoffed, "nonsense, I think you'd look great with a blue streak in your hair," and proceeded to work on getting others to assist her cause.  Every time I saw her afterward, she would ask if I had tried her advice yet.  The truth is, I always wanted to try a pink or blue streak in my hair, but I knew it would not match my personality the way color always went with Gay's spitfire spunk. She was a force, and that force always made me laugh.  I'll miss her terribly... and someday I hope to have the spine to put a blue streak in my hair.

Gay and I became friends through the common love for cats.  We volunteered at Petsmart together many times and she even convinced me to adopt one of her “foster kitties” who had formed quite the bond with Andy!   At their home, I enjoyed meeting all of their wonderful cats that were so fond of her.   Gay had such a big heart and was terrific at finding the right family for each cat in need of a loving home.   She was a natural at convincing passerby’s to come in and take a look at the cats available for adoption.   She spent endless hours volunteering her time and posting cat pictures on different websites.   
I had the pleasure of enjoying some home cooked meals at her house as well as spending Thanksgiving with her a few years ago.  She was an excellent cook!  It was always fun to hear about the latest trip Andy and Gay experienced in different countries (biking adventures, etc).
Gay was such a fun, upbeat and positive person.  When I ran into her and Andy at Jolly Pond Veterinary  Clinic three weeks ago, I had no idea she just received devastating news.   Her passing was such a shock to me and I’m truly going to miss a great friend.  
My heart goes out to Andy and the rest of Gay’s family.  You all are in my thoughts and prayers.   Don and I send our deepest sympathies.  May you find comfort in the memory of her bright smile, happy demeanor and beautiful spirit!

I was so sorry to receive this news. I had no idea she was not doing well. She and I were very good colleagues and friends in both the VA and the American Academy of Optometry for decades. She always went above and beyond in all of her volunteer responsibilities. And her enthusiasm and genuine interest in other people made her a role model for her many students and residents. I have lost a great friend; and the patients at the Hampton VAMC have lost a great and caring eye doctor.

Nelson County Almost Home Pet Adoption Center

Service

Visitation

Gay is survived by her husband Andy, her mother Ann Tokumaru of Hawaii, her cats, her two brothers, numerous family and great friends, all of whom will miss her dearly.

OBITUARY

Gay Tokumaru Bessen

May 6, 1962 – March 9, 2018

Nelsen Williamsburg

Show your support

Add a Memory

Share Obituary

Get Reminders

Past Services

Service

Visitation