Sharon Lorna Kha

Now if one’s death were organized properly, you’d get a postcard in the mail when you were about 50 with the time and date of your demise printed on it. Then you’d get friendly reminders annually that say, “Only 22 more years until D-day! Have fun now and don’t forget to buy long term care insurance before you are 55.”

But we are pretty much left to our own devices when it comes to the matter of death and dying. Somebody needs to take charge here and organize things, and in the absence of any volunteers, I have prepared a list of handy tips to help make this task easier. All you have to do is put this on your refrigerator and check off the item as it completed.

Clean your closets.When you do kick the bucket, you want to be seen at your best, and heaven knows that closets stuffed with vacuum cleaners and beach balls and all manner of miscellany that comes crashing down on your hapless head will not show your organizational skills to their best advantage.

Write your own obit. Seriously. The person at the newspaper assigned to write obits is usually the youngest and least experienced person on the staff. The shirt you are wearing is probably older than she is. Nobody but you knows those details of your life (such as that silver medal you were awarded by the Women’s Christian Temperance Union when you were in 7th grade.) If you want to be remembered for the right things, write it yourself.

Plan your own memorial service. I want my memorial to look and sound like a jazz festival, with people clapping and dancing in the aisles and singing “When The Saints Go Marching in.”

Make a list of all the credit cards and other things related to money and put it someplace where your son or daughter can find it. This could save them from having to call the bank and apologize for calling their tech support guy a butthead. Then you have to explain to them again that no, you don’t know your mother’s ID but you are pretty sure it isn’t “Sexy Kitten.”

and you don’t appreciate the tech support snickering about your mother’s choice of identities.

Do your kids a favor and write clear instructions on whether you want to be cremated and pre-pay your friendly local mortician. Imagine the arguments your kids would have over that one if you don’t make your decision yourself.

Finally, leave something for them to laugh about and plant it where they can’t miss it. I wrote a poem.

Memorial Poem

I’m a goner

What a bummer

Cause this looks like quite a to-do!

You know how much I love a party

So I’m right here next to you.

You can’t see me but you are with me

As I hold you in the light

I’ve dreamed this moment when I’m hurling

Like a parachute unfurling

Ever rising; gently curling

Into light and love I’m twirling

Home at last I’m finally whirling

To golden sands and silver seas

And gem-like moments just like these.