Maria Paulay

Maria was born the oldest of four children to Somogyi Sándor and Emilia (née Benyáts) in Debrecen, Hungary. Her mother ran the household while her father, with a degree in agronomy, ran the family farm (the Tanya) in addition to serving in the military. Her maternal grandparents, who managed a successful store and factories in Debrecen, provided a comfortable life for the extended family. Maria had happy memories of her childhood, especially of the time she spent on the Tanya, where she and her two brothers who survived past infancy were given free rein. She fondly recollected adventures on the farm, including a flood that created a 50-acre lake on which they sailed in a vessel reconfigured from a bread-kneading tub and in which they swam with their horses. That idyllic life was upended with the onset of World War II and later, the Soviet invasion of Hungary. Under the Soviet regime, substantial personal assets were nationalized -- including her family’s farm, store, factory, and houses. Fearing further persecution, the family fled to Budapest, remaining there during the Red Terror that ensued through Stalin’s reign and beyond.

Maria met Paulay Dezső at a party in Csepel; they married in the Jáki Kápolna on July 28, 1956. Soon after the Hungarian revolution changed the family’s life forever. Some of the heaviest fighting was near their home in Budapest, and Maria reminisced about those terrible times during the fiftieth anniversary of the revolution. Her father and brothers left the country as the Soviets crushed the uprising. They settled in the US, while Maria stayed remained in Budapest with her husband, unborn child (Gusztáv), and mother. Maria gave birth to her second son, Sándor, in 1960. Her mother emigrated in 1962 to join her husband and sons. These were challenging, but happy times. Maria’s tremendous energy and strength helped her juggle motherhood, work, and evening classes to extend the education previously denied to her because of her family’s background. She completed a degree in Structural Civil Design and worked as a structural/civil designer for 15 years in Hungary and 22 years in the US. She was a wonderful mother, and her sons had a joyful childhood as she and Dezso provided all they could with their limited resources and brought them up among a tight circle of family and friends with whom they regularly gathered and later remained in touch, providing warmth and support for each other throughout their lives.

Maria managed to take back her family’s cottage in Balatonalmádi, nationalized after the war, from the regime after the tenant the state placed there moved. She placed a lock on the door as did the state and prevailed after a prolonged stalemate. Her family spent idyllic summers in Almádi after this, going to the beach (strand), swimming, enjoying the lake, hills, and village, with a circle of their friends many of whom gravitated there as well. She loved to swim and would disappear far into the lake to the distress of some not used to her aquatic adventures.

In 1964 and again in 1969 she visited her American family with her sons. Traveling solo by train and ship across Europe and the Atlantic on her first trip, with limited resources and language skills and a four and seven year old in tow, was brazen and the beginning of a life of travel and adventure. They had wonderful times and her wish to move to the US became overpowering. In 1974 the whole family was allowed to visit to everyone’s surprise. After an intense family discussion, their return flight to Europe left without them and life in the New World began. Maria and Dezso settled in Philadelphia, reconnected with older friends and family who lived nearby and had an active social life, centered around the new family house in Lansdowne, PA.

Maria traveled extensively, with her family, then with Dezső, friends, grandchildren, or on her own. She loved art and music, operas, concerts, theater and museums, played the piano, had a deep curiosity and loved to read and learn. She was highly creative, crocheted and knitted clothes, created dolls of family members, and hooked exquisite wall rugs and pillows. She was a terrific cook and loved to entertain. A visit to her invariably involved food and drink. As she slid deeper into the Parkinson’s disease that eventually took her, her most frequent hallucinations were about cooking for and entertaining her extended family.

Maria’s first grandchild, Yaneke, was born in 1990, followed by seven others. Grandma loved to be with them, a desire thwarted to some degree by distance with Gustav’s family living in Guam and Sandor’s in Seattle. Upon retirement Maria moved to the Seattle area, to be near Sandor’s growing family. She took a very active role in raising Seby, her autistic grandson, who spent many days at her home. She spent her 80th birthday in Budapest, accompanied by Yaneke as part of a whirlwind European adventure. She visited both sons’ families often and enjoyed holding get-togethers for the extended family at her home. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in the early 2000’s during stressful times with her husband’s declining health and death in 2005. She valiantly struggled, as Parkinson’s gradually robbed her of her mobility and independence. She remained buoyed by family and celebrated a pre-90th birthday with Sandor’s family less than a week before her death. She was an incredibly strong woman whose determination and intense love for her family were admired by all who knew her. She will be greatly missed.