Victoria Vici M. Grapski Russell

February 24, 1919 – July 31, 2010

Victoria died peacefully on July 31, 2010 surrounded by her children and grandchildren.

She lived a full life, and is survived by four wonderful children, Samuel, Michael, Claudia and David, three daughters-in-law, Julie, Mary and Sandy, nine beautiful grandchildren (one already in heaven) and two great-grandchildren. She will be missed.

Victoria Grapski Russell was born in 1919, the youngest of 7 children. Her parents had immigrated to the US from Poland. She was a strong, independent, beautiful and accomplished woman. Wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and nurse, she lived a long life and left a lasting legacy.

Since 2008, she lived independently at Casa de Manana in La Jolla. Prior to coming to California, she lived 29 years in Bradenton, Florida.

Her funeral Mass was held on August 5, 2010 at St. Therese of Carmel Catholic Church, 4355 Del Mar Trails Road, San Diego, CA 92130.

In lieu of flowers please make donations to Vitas Hospice Charitable Fund online at www.Vitascharitablefund.com or send donations to the Foundation for End of Life Care at 5430 NW 33rd Avenue
 Suite 106
, Ft Lauderdale, FL 33309.

Eulogy:

Victoria Russell was the youngest of 7 children, born near Wilkes-Barre, Pa. to immigrant parents from Poland. Now anyone, who has children, can identify with the trickle down economy of care as the birth order descends. How is it that the youngest of 7 could be so filled with care & love?

Vici was elegant simplicity. Many people describe themselves in what they do for a living. The CONTENT of Vici’s character WAS her living! She was honest, but not at another’s expense. She was patient as others made their own mistakes & found their own way. She really believed in you & prayed that you’d find the correct path. Unlike some who would keep a running tally of one’s previous infractions, Vici started you off with a clean slate. I think that she espoused a credo of Mother Teresa’s that ”if you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Vici maintained a child’s heart. She could easily get into the creative spirit; get down on the floor to play with children. Vici also took you seriously. In referring to children, she used to say, “You have to love them. They are their own individual people”. And she did know how to love. She did not see her children as extensions of herself, but rather as individuals. She could wrap her arms around you in an arm-engulfing hug. And when she called you ‘darling’, you really believed that you were her darling. It is a testament to Vici that each of her children believes that they were her favorite.

As enormously proud as she was of her 4 children, she was not boastful. One would have not seen a bumper sticker proclaiming “I have an honor student at Bailey Ellard”. That was not her style. Her style was to silently pray in gratitude.

Vici was ready, willing & did come to the assistance of all of her children. She was someone you could count on. In fact she helped all of her family during their time of need, traveling long distances & being away from her own home. Her support was always action filled: cleaning your house, ironing clothes, washing windows, cooking, shopping, and caring for the children. She rolled up her sleeves and lovingly cared for her mother, sister, sisters-in-law, brothers, and husband as they became ill.

She didn’t judge or give up on you. She was always encouraging and told you that she was proud of you. This persistent life long encouragement is one Vici’s enduring traits. This was particularly important as her children were in their teens during the 60’s & we can remember what that was like. Vici’s encouragement did not stop when each of us had our own children and separate challenges. She listened to our struggles with kindness & understanding.

Victoria was ready to die. Vici felt that her life was complete. She nurtured her family, enabled their maturity into adulthood, cared and provided for her nuclear family in their declining years and otherwise fulfilled many of her own dreams. Vici’s steadily advancing illnesses made her keenly aware of her transition. Vici reconciled the logic of the end and while the emotional component was a challenge, she met the challenge with courage and trust that her family was looking out for her best interests. When her grandson, Marc died 2 years ago, she fervently wished that she could have gone in his stead. And she looked forward to reuniting with him. People who are dying speak about going into the light, which feels like an immersion into God’s love. When our time comes, we can look forward to the light being brighter, because Vici is there.

Biography:

Victoria M. Russell (Vici) was a warm and optimistic individual. She had an intuitive ability to understand others and to treat everyone with respect. To everyone around her, she was gracious and accepting. For Vici, bringing out the best in any situation was as easy as offering a smile, a witty remark or the twinkle of an eye; and with just those simple gestures, she could evoke the most pleasant of emotions. Vici really mastered the art of living and had great fun in doing so.

Her parents were Edward and Jadwiga (Hedwig) Grapski. Her maternal Grandmother, whom she called "Babcha" lived with her in and gave her the affection and warmth that cultivated her giving spirit. Their home was in Larksville, Pennsylvania. Vici was the youngest of seven children: Helene, Raymond, Max, Edward, Bernard, Lad and then Victoria. Vici was a spirited tomboy that liked to hang with her older brothers, who were occasionally annoyed but always protective of her. She learned her strong work ethic early in life.

Vici went to kindergarten at the age of 4. Having been raised by immigrant polish parents, her English was very limited. She often remarked that the first years were very hard. It is likely that these early experiences contributed to Vici's empathy for others. Eventually she mastered English and later "forgot" the Polish she spoke as a young girl. It could be said that for Vici, grades may not have been the most important thing; but she really did enjoy her school experience, as experience was Vici's best teacher. She enjoyed hands-on learning and applying the “practical” approach to knowledge, rather than getting caught up in “theory.” An intelligent and independent Vici graduated from Larksville High School in 1936.

Vici left home for NYC at the age of 17 to go to Nursing School at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn. Her sister, Helene, who was 12 years older, was already in NYC and provided support. Nursing school was challenging in every way, but appealed to Vici's work ethic and need to help others. From 1936-1940, she completed her diploma at Kings County Hospital School of Nursing and became a Registered Nurse. After becoming a RN she went to work at Bellevue Hospital in the Psychiatric Ward. As part of her desire to better serve her patients, she also studied Psychology at New York University. Vici could play as hard as she worked. She was a fun loving person who loved to share her passion for fun with others. Never forgetting family, Vici agreed to host a teen-age niece for a time one summer in the early 1940’s. Laverne, this same niece, later said that these memories have lasted a lifetime.

In 1943, Vici enlisted in the Army Air Corps. She served in several Regional Hospitals in the USA, and then traveled to Hawaii where she was an Air Evacuation-flight nurse in the Pacific. Vici saw action for two years and four months in WWII where she would fly rescue missions to retrieve injured soldiers in the Pacific. Through her hard work and dedication, she achieved the rank of 1st Lieutenant. She received the American Campaign Medal, Asiatic Pacific Campaign Medal & World War II Victory Medal.

While in Hawaii, she continued her “work hard, play hard” life. For several months, a friend from New York had wanted her to meet Sam Russell, a Lieutenant in the Navy. Finally, they met on a blind date and Sam was "smitten" (he later would say that Vici was a "dish".) Being an engineer, Sam was not usually given to impulse; however this changed when he met Vici. In early 1946 Sam and Vici enjoyed life on Oahu for six weeks until Sam received his discharge orders to return home. However, Sam and Vici had fallen in love. Because romance blossomed so quickly, they agreed that they would allow the time to pass until Vici also returned home. They set a pact: if you are ready to be together for life meet me at Grand Central Station on May 1, 1946. The rest is now history.

On May 15, 1946 Victoria exchanged wedding vows with Samuel A. Russell at the Epiphany Church of New York, New York. She was 27 years old and Sam was 30. They lived for a short while in NYC and then moved to Maywood, NJ to their first home. Sam was employed by General Chemical at the time and was transferred to Chicago in 1947. Vici's brother Lad and his wife Dorothy were already in Chicago and instrumental at getting Vici and Sam a place to live. In November 1948 Vici delivered her first-born son, Samuel Andrew Russell IV and 15 months later delivered her second son, Michael Joseph. With two young and rambunctious sons in tow, Vici and Sam moved to Seattle, WA in 1951. In December 1952, Vici delivered her only daughter, Claudia. Two years later, David Richard was born on the feast of the Immaculate Conception. Vici had now had 4 children in the span of 6 years. Sam's job involved sales and he often left the house on Monday morning and returned home exhausted on Friday night. During this time Vici learned to cope with her weekday single parenthood.

Sam's next transfer brought the family to Buffalo, NY in the spring of 1957. The family moved into a rental home in Hamburg NY on April 1. True to the usual weather for the community, the family was greeted with 15” of snow on the move-in day.

The final work-related transfer occurred in August 1961 to Morristown, NJ where Sam was promoted to the corporate office of Allied Chemical (now Honeywell). Vici and Sam sent their four children to Catholic Schools and instilled in them the importance of faith, hope and love. Vici and Sam both believed that their job was to raise independent and productive people. As enormously proud as Vici was of her 4 children, she was not boastful. One would have not seen a bumper sticker proclaiming “I have an honor student at Bailey Ellard”. That was not her style. She would only pray silently in gratitude.

Vici and Sam opened their home to family as the opportunity or need would arise. When Sam’s sister Ann needed to be hospitalized, Vici took in her nieces Debbie and Jolie, with baby Sarah later coming to stay for some time. Vici and Sam also reached out to their niece, Janet Nixdorf, when she was a short distance away in college. On another occasion cousin Barbara also came to stay with her young son, Scotti. To Vici, family was always first.

In 1966, Vici returned to work as a nurse and didn’t leave Morristown Memorial Hospital, where she worked in the Emergency Department, until 1978. The return to Nursing was another challenge that Vici mastered. At work, as in life, Vici was a real “people person. ” She was an adaptable realist, using her common sense and trusting her experiences and impulses to uncover the correct answer. Vici's talent for being a down to earth thinker, allowed many around her to see Vici as an excellent problem solver.

Vici and Sam remained in New Jersey until their retirement in 1978. After a six-month stay in Palm Desert to aid Vici's now-elderly sister Helene, Vici and Sam moved to Bradenton, FL. Sam passed away in Florida in January 2000. Vici remained in Florida until 2008 when her children finally convinced her to move to California, where family was close by. In January 2008, Vici moved to Casa de Manana in La Jolla, CA. She thoroughly enjoyed her time at "the Casa" meeting new friends and appreciating the warmth and care of the staff that assisted her and allowed her to remain independent until her final hospitalization in June 2010.

Perhaps the reason Vici related so well to children was the fact that she maintained a child’s heart. She was as easily able to get down on the floor to play with her children & grandchildren, as she was to prepare a gourmet meal. She also took everyone seriously. In referring to children, she used to say, “You have to love them. They are their own individual people”. She did not see her children as extensions of herself, but rather individuals. She could wrap her arms around you in an all-engulfing hug; and when she called you ‘darling’, you really believed that you were her darling. It is a testament to Vici that each of her children believes that they were her favorite.

Vici frequently came to the assistance of all of her children. She was always known someone you could count on. In fact she helped all of her family during their time of need, traveling long distances & being away from her own home. Her support was always action-filled: cleaning your house, ironing clothes, washing windows, cooking, shopping, and caring for the children. She was tireless. She didn’t judge or give up on you. She told you that she was proud of you.

Vici had the ability to focus her attention on the present moment. If she was spending time with the kids, that’s where all of her attention was directed. She enjoyed her own children, and cherished her nine grandchildren: Samuel, Joseph, Matthew, Marc, Michelle, Danielle, Mallory, Evan and Patrick. When her grandson, Marc died 2 years ago, she fervently wished that she could have gone in his stead. She always looked forward to reuniting with him.

Vici was drawn to individuals. This quality allowed Vici to continually develop new relationships, ever widening her circle of friends. Vici utilized her interest in others as a great way to connect with them. Vici developed many friends throughout her life; in her recent years in Florida she cherished her friends Mike, Paul, Jackie, and Sarah. More recently in La Jolla, she was able to reconnect with Betty, and develop new friendships with Virginia, Wilma and Rebecca. She also had many wonderful doctors and care providers that made her final years as comfortable as possible. We will be forever indebted to those that cared for Vici with such talent and devotion up to the time of her death.

Vici's favorite pursuits were reading, bridge, remaining physically fit. In her younger years she enjoyed bowling and golf. Vici had an endless appetite for new and different activities. She was always ready to join in the fun and add her flair and energy to an organization. Because of her personality, her humor, and her ability to get along with everyone, Vici's service was greatly valued by the organizations to which she belonged. Throughout her later years, Vici was an active member of the Bridge Club.

Vici passed away on July 31, 2010 in San Diego, California at the home of her daughter. Vici fought a brave battle with Advanced Emphysema. She is survived by four children: Samuel, Michael, Claudia and David; three daughters-in-law: Julie, Mary and Sandy; eight grandchildren: Samuel, Joseph, Matthew, Michelle, Danielle, Mallory, Evan and Patrick; and two great-grandchildren: May and Joseph. Services were held at St. Therese of Carmel Catholic Church. Victoria was laid to rest in San Clemente, California.

Vici was elegant simplicity. Many people describe themselves in what they do for a living. Vici’s character was demonstrated in how she lived. She was honest, but not at another’s expense. She was patient with others as they made their own mistakes & found their own way. Unlike some who would keep a running tally of your previous infractions & be only too happily to remind you, Vici started with a clean slate. She espoused a credo of Mother Teresa’s that ”if you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Vici was ready to die; at least as ready as a person in her position could be. As an action-filled and independent person, she struggled with the challenges of aging. First her hearing became compromised, and then it became increasingly more work to breathe. This past spring, when she lost her ability to read, she was the most upset, as that was her remaining comfort. People who are dying often speak about going into the light, an immersion into God’s love. When our time comes, we can look forward to the light being brighter, because she is there.

Vici brought joy to all of those around her. She never had a mean bone in her body. She loved to share her energy, wit, and her zest for all of her activities with her friends and family. Victoria M. Russell lived life to its fullest and made everyone around her happier just for knowing her. She will be remembered with a smile.