Kevin Matthew Kirby

Born December 28, 1973, he grew up in Solana Beach near Solana Vista Elementary, where he became the coolest 3rd grader the school likely ever encountered. By 6th grade, at Skyline Elementary, Kevin earned the starring role as Mowgli in the Jungle Book. Choosing his own look as the protagonist, Kevin performed the part and sang all its songs in surf shorts and of course, shirtless.

By middle school at Earl Warren he perfected "the wave" hairstyle and continued to reinvent his level of cool, often predating the California-style many 80's films tried to portray years in advance. At Earl Warren Kevin’s peers twice voted him "most attractive" - a distinction middle schools will probably never make again (the insensitivity!). But with Kevin, it was no contest. At Torrey Pines he played soccer and football, where he was starting cornerback and backup QB for the Falcons his junior year. It was at this time, just as his brilliant and hilarious mind was starting to catch-up with his God-given good-looks, that Kevin met his first of many unfortunate life events. Kevin and three fellow Torrey Pines football players were leaving a party in Rancho Santa Fe. Kevin and a gifted young linebacker named Jeff Foote, both called shotgun and laid claim for the front seat; Kevin wound up in back not wearing a seat-belt.

Whereas Mr. Foote was tragically killed when the car’s passenger side slammed into a eucalyptus on Via De La Valle near Chinos Farm, Kevin was launched out the back window, through the trees and over a cement wall, where he landed in the hay and woodchip of a horse enclosure with only lacerations on his legs from the rear window’s shattered glass. But there was also a serious concussion. In 1990 not much was known of brain injuries, but after a full-day of memory loss, Kevin regained consciousness, only to be heart-broken by Mr. Foote's death. In his mid-forties, Kevin would admit he still struggled with survivors guilt from the accident. But Kevin was strong, born with remarkable mental and physical resolve. He graduated Torrey Pines in 1992 and attended the University of Arizona where he studied Anthropology and Eastern religion. Honing his photographic mind and incredible sense of humor (with uncanny impressions of everyone he knew or met), Kevin's wit and charm were hard to even believe. In fact, some were threatened. And ever the athlete, Kevin went ahead and earned a third-degree blackbelt in Kajukenbo in these years. Remarked one childhood friend “he had the looks, the brains, and the fists.” But always a teacher, Kevin’s greater goal was that of an instructor, and this wish came true when he left for Semester at Sea in 1996. Kevin taught a karate class on the Semester at Sea boat and many females enrolled. He was having the time of his life. Visiting countries he read about as an anthropology major, learning more and more about Eastern religion; Kevin's mind and heart were ablaze. But fate once again interfered. He had just spent the day on the Ganges River in Varanasi, India when he boarded a bus for Agra to see the Taj Mahal the following morning. The bus never arrived. Seven people on the bus were killed when it tragically lost control on the dangerous Grand Trunk Highway. Among the deceased was Jenna Druck, also a beloved Torrey Pines graduate. In fact, Kevin was still a patient of her father, Dr. Ken Druck, who helped him process the loss of his friend Jeff Foote in the years prior. It was a devastating accident. Somehow, Kevin survived.

But that is a lingering mystery of Kevin's life, as not all of him truly survived. Kevin suffered a 48-hour severe concussion, and worse, a shattered lower back. His L-1, L-2 and L-3 were in pieces. Kevin's father and family friend, orthopedic surgeon Dr. Ray Linovitz, flew to India and brought him home to Scripps Encinitas where Kevin underwent precarious surgery to insert three titanium vertebrae. Physically, the surgery was a success. Dr. Linovitz described him as the toughest patient he’d seen, and within a year Kevin walked at his Arizona graduation and was back to doing high-level karate. But mentally, Kevin was less fortunate. Diagnosed a decade later officially with traumatic brain injury (TBI), not unlike Junior Seau, Kevin began having difficulty with things that once came so easily. Still, he attended USD's School of Law and graduated in 2002. A lover of San Diego, Kevin lived in the Gaslamp until 2007 as a young lawyer, moved briefly to Orange County, and returned in 2010 after a break-up with his girlfriend. For the next few years Kevin worked with prominent San Diego attorneys and with the foundation Dr. Druck founded in honor of his daughter.

Kevin loved to travel as well, particularly to Kulik Lodge, in Alaska, where he felt most connected to nature, fishing side by side with grizzly bears and his father and brothers. But by 2013 Kevin began pulling back from many relationships, finding conflict with the very people who loved him the most. After an extended disappearance in 2014, Kevin resurfaced to announce he was no longer Kevin, but a hybrid gender, albeit a personality he called "Secret.” Kevin said he felt both man and woman, and in true Kevin fashion, had his own version of what that was. For others, it was hard to understand. He was combative, headstrong, unapologetic, defiant. He was going to be either gender, pending on what he felt. 2015 and 2016 were very difficult years. But by 2017 Kevin found a great psychiatrist and the very important local rehab center, Stepping Stone. There, Kevin finally achieved sobriety from over a decade of psychoactive drug abuse, which greatly affected and accelerated his debilitating TBI. Kevin became an important voice and leader at Stepping Stone, where he made numerous friends and lasting relationships. As time went on, and through newfound sobriety, Kevin reconnected with several old colleagues, friends, and family. Always a poet at heart, a thinker at heart, and still the funniest in the room, Secret maintained Kevin's spirit deep within, and vice versa. But in late 2019 another unfortunate accident occurred while traveling in New Mexico. Kevin was the passenger in a roll-over accident and again suffered spinal injuries. A 2020 CT-Scan revealed the severity of his TBI, as there was significant atrophy in his cerebral cortex, which explained the decades long battle he had with depressive disorders, poor decision making, and lack of impulse control.

Kevin not only battled these impossible hurdles since his 1990 and 1996 accidents, but he also battled the physical pain for more than 25 years. Kevin's back pain was daily and unrelenting. But he seldom spoke of this, doing so only in journals and in the extensive writings and poetry that he left behind. He was truly one of a kind. Always looking to nature, to his truest feelings and spirituality. 2020 has been cruel, and was cruel to him, but through it all he wrote letters to all of those he loved, and he meant them, deeply. The pain was too much, the TBI too great, but his true diamond heart poured through all his poems and pages. He was the brightest burning star, too luminous to hold, for anyone, even himself. But within his supernova soul there was also something more special than anything any of us have ever seen. He will be greatly missed.