Timothy "Tim" Patrick James

OBITUARY (written by Tim’s brother and sister, Brian and Lauren)

Timothy Patrick James, 32, passed away on August 26, 2022, in Raleigh, North Carolina. Tim was born in Walnut Creek, California, at 10:49 a.m., on the heels of his brother, Kevin, and on the second birthday of his sister, Lauren.

Tim spent his childhood in California before living in Le Vesinet, France, and Leesburg, Virginia. He settled in Raleigh, where he worked as a bartender, restaurant manager, and then in sales. Tim was smart, charming and funny — always quick to pull loved ones into a bear hug or call to tell you about a can't-miss movie.

Tim made you feel like the center of the universe when he conversed with you. He loved any and all dogs, but cherished his Great Dane, Bonnie. He enjoyed chess and talking about physics, philosophy, and the eccentricities of the human condition. He loved his family, and spoke with his siblings or parents every day.

Tim is survived by his parents, Revis and Joan James; his brother, Kevin James and his wife, Tiffany James; his brother, Brian James and his wife, Elise Foley, and their daughter, Lucille; and his sister, Lauren James, and her husband, Andrew Romanazzi. He is also survived by the extended James and Fields families, whom he loved very much.

A memorial service was be held on Friday, September 2, 2022 at

Brown-Wynne Funeral Home, 300 St. Mary's St., Raleigh, NC.

TRANSCRIPT OF SERVICE

Introduction - Brian James

Good Afternoon Everyone we’re all here today to honor the life of Timothy Patrick James or Tim as we all know him. My name is Brian, I am Tim’s older brother. Every one of us here has been affected - in small ways and large - by Tim. His life mattered to us all. I'm honored to see all of you here today, and welcome to all of you joining us online. You're here because you have a relationship with Tim and our family and we can't thank you all enough for being here with us.

It is important for us to collectively acknowledge and accept that our world has fundamentally changed with his passing. We are all grieving. Life will not be the same - nor should it be. But coming together like this is the first step in a long road adjusting to Tim’s absence.

I’d like to invite my wife Elise and my sister in law TIffany to share a reading.

Reading - Elise Foley-James and Tiffany James

Young Life Cut Short (Unknown)

Do not judge a biography by its length,

Nor by the number of pages in it.

Judge it by the richness of it’s contents

Sometimes those unfinished are among the most poignant

Do not judge a song by it’s duration

Nor by the number of it’s notes

Judge it by the way it touches and lifts the soul

Sometimes those unfinished are among the most beautiful

And when something has enriched your life

And when it’s melody lingers on in your heart

Is it unfinished?

Or is it endless?

We would like to invite Brian up to share the eulogy.

Eulogy - Brian James

Tim loved the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes - so we’d like to begin with a quote from the great Bill Watterson: “If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?”

I am here today with our parents, Revis and Joan, my two other siblings, Lauren and Kevin, my wife Elise and daughter Lucille, Kevin's wife Tiffany and Lauren's husband Andrew.

The reason we are all here today is devastating, but I want to take some time to appreciate how precious Tim’s life is.

Tim was a skilled bartender, a decadent cook, and in recent years he was a valued employee at Carahsoft. He established personal connections with so many people throughout his distinct careers.

Like all of us, Tim was born and raised in San Ramon, CA, right outside San Francisco. Those early days in California were marked by long days in the sun, playing sports, and generally antagonizing our parents and each other. It was paradise.

Our family moved in 2004 to Paris, France where my siblings and I all attended the American School of Paris. This was also a formative experience - Tim’s expanded world view and extensive travel gave him a unique perspective that was readily apparent to anyone that has met him since.

By 2006, Lauren and I had both gone off to college and Tim moved to Leesburg, VA with my parents and Kevin. Tim attended Heritage Highschool in Leesburg, graduating in 2009.

After high school, Tim went to Marion Military Academy in Alabama for one year, before attending Blue Ridge Community College in Harrisonburg, VA.

College was not where Tim thrived. Regardless, he was determined to support himself, and he began working in the service industry, first as a waiter and then as a bartender. This is where Tim’s love for crafting cocktails and the hospitality industry grew. Tim worked at Firebirds in Leesburg which brought him to Raleigh, NC before moving on to Maggianos. After that Tim moved on to the Empress room - an elegant bar above a jazz club - continuing to hone his craft in the hospitality industry. Tim put time and effort into making and inventing unique and wonderful cocktails - participating in mixologist competitions and even putting on classes for friends and family. He truly enjoyed creating things and providing excellent service for others. He was one of the most charismatic and personable people you could find on either side of a bar. A short story on that:

In 2018, We were in London visiting my parents for the holidays and Tim insisted that we go to a hotel bar. This wasn’t any old bar, it was the “American Bar” at the Savoy Hotel - a storied cathedral of mixology and one of the bougiest places I’ve ever set foot in. Despite boasting one of the most famous drink lists in the world, Tim insisted on ordering for the table, immediately going off menu and sending the poor waiter scrambling for a pen and pad to write down the obscure, pre-prohibition cocktails he wanted. He was throwing down the gauntlet to the bartenders at the American - and they knew it. Before we could finish our drinks, the bar director stopped by to meet the cocktail nerd firing curveballs at his staff.

Tim was in his element, complimenting the staff on their flawless preparations, trading bits of boozy trivia, and doing what he does best - connecting with people. By the second round we had moved from the table to the bar itself, and we spent the third sipping aged fernet shots “from a bottle Sinatra drank from” with the bartenders in the kitchen. Tim made our goodbyes, having suitably impressed the staff, and one of the bartenders chased us down at the cab stand to gift Tim a copy of that nights menu - signed by all the staff. From nameless patron to invited friend in 3 drinks. A true testament to the affection and connection Tim could create.

Tim loved his friends, his family, and his dog, Bonnie Bulleit. I think the one person Tim could have loved more is himself. Tim was protective of his people and was always the most affectionate of us growing up. Fiercely loyal to his friends and family, he was a reliably understanding person any of us could confide in. He always wanted to give big thoughtful gifts to those he loved, acts of service made him happiest. Your presence here today proves the value of your relationship with my brother.

Tim knew what he liked and who he wanted and didn't waste any time compromising that. So if you had the pleasure of a relationship with him you know it was real and he valued it greatly.

I’ll end by simply saying that this speech is too inadequate to convey how much I’ll miss Tim, and much shorter than any of us would have hoped. But Tim’s time on this earth was indeed precious, so thank you for being here to appreciate him with us.

I'd like to invite Kevin up to share his thoughts with us.

Reflections - Kevin James

My name is Kevin, and Tim was my identical twin brother.

Nearly every formative memory I have includes Tim in some way, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad. He was and remains a very important part of my life.

Tim knew pain, and I believe because of it, he had tremendous empathy for others. He possessed a unique ability to understand people and identify with the feelings they were confronting. If you were his friend, you were lucky enough to know his fierce loyalty and his ability to be compassionate.

Tim always tried to lift his friends up and create opportunity because he saw the potential in others. This was a quality of his that made you feel capable, and for that he has many grateful friends.

Tim blended the lines between his work and his personal life. Many got to know him through his career as a bartender and hospitality professional or eventually as a technology advocate. Getting to know Tim between 3-minute cigarette breaks or end-of-shift fernet shots wasn't hard because he was a good listener. And he always had an opinion.

When Tim was speaking to you about something he felt strongly about, you could feel yourself getting caught up in his passion. You had no choice but to go along for the ride with him - he had an infectious smile, often leaning in close to convey his thoughts in a way that made you feel like you were sharing in a profound revelation. Philosophy of life and wildly inappropriate jokes, all delivered with his trademark gravitas.

Tim liked having things just the right way, and to not feel guilty about it. He had simple tastes, he was easily satisfied with the nicest things. (Ed: Joke) Having known him will help me focus on the things that matter most and forget about all the small stuff that weighs us down more than it ever needed to.

Tim left us too soon, but every person in this room is never going to forget the way he made them feel.

Reflections - Revis and Joan James

Joan and I love Tim very much. We very much want you to remember who he truly was as a person, despite the challenges he lived with. Like all parents, it’s a unique perspective to watch your child grow through his life.We want to tell you about the things that made him special. He was sensitive, giving, intensely loving, intelligent, funny, irreverent, and always brought passion to anything he set out to do. He enjoyed the friendship and respect of his colleagues. We loved that he loved being part of our family, loved his siblings, his extensive family of aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins…and especially loved his twin brother, Kevin. Though his struggles with anxiety and depression intensified and isolated him over time, we know that Tim felt our family’s love. His spirit carried the hope that came from the connections that we always sustained with him. Tim gave us a lot of very special memories that we’ll cherish. We loved his sense of humor, his quick wit. We love how so many people remember his special hugs and his smile. We love how he and Kevin always laughed the exact same way, often at the same things. We love how all of the kids love each other, hug each other, and how important that was to Tim. We are grateful to have been his Mom and Dad, and grateful for the time that we got to have with him. Tim will remain in our hearts and a part of this family forever. We will remember Tim’s spirit and soul always.

Joan: So people have asked us, as for next year’s August 26th and lots of future, hopefully, August 26ths, not only are we going to be celebrating Lauren and Kevin’s birthdays, but boy are we going to celebrate Tim’s birthday. Thirty-two years we had Tim; that’s how we’re going to celebrate August 26th.

Now Our daughter Lauren will offer a prayer and closing comments.

Irish Prayer for the Departed- Lauren James

Hi, my name is Lauren, and I am Tim’s sister. I will be reading an Irish poem, “Irish Prayer for the Departed”

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away to the next room.

I am I, and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed

at the little jokes, we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without effect.

Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same that it ever was.

There is absolute unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.

For an interval.

Somewhere. Very near.

Just around the corner.

All is well.

Closing Remarks - Lauren

We have been remembering with love and gratitude a life that touched us all. I loved my brother immensely and I thank each of you for loving him too.

Tim left us way too soon so please just remember to appreciate each day and to live it to the fullest in honor of Tim. We often take life for granted and yet it is the greatest gift we have so take care of yourself and your loved ones.

Our family will remain at the front of the room to receive anyone wishing to greet us but there is no obligation to do so, we all grieve in our own way.

There will be a small, informal celebration of life at the Johnson Street Yacht Club thanks to Tim's friends Baron, Jeremy and Britt for any who wish to join. Thank you for joining us today.