James Looram

January 25, 1940 - January 4, 2020

James Francis Xavier Looram was a remarkable man who tended to leave an indelible impression on all those he met. Born and raised in Jackson Heights, Queens to Mary Harden Looram and James FX Looram, Sr., he was a Xavier High School and United States Military Academy West Point graduate, an Army Airborne Ranger, a decorated combat veteran, a Lieutenant Colonel, a PhD, a business owner, a published author, an exhibited artist, a devoted husband of 57 years, a proud father of five and a doting grandfather of nine.

During his twenty-year military career, he served two tours of duty in Vietnam as an advisor to a Vietnamese Army Infantry Battalion, an S-3 Operations Officer in the 7th Air Cavalry, and a senior officer in the theater headquarters (MACV) providing daily operational briefings to the MACV Command led by General Abrams. He spent the balance of his career in command, teaching and leadership development positions. He was awarded the Bronze Star, the Joint Service Commendation medal, the Vietnamese Gallantry Cross and the Meritorious Service medal. Jim was a Professor of Leadership at USMA West Point and would later run the Masters of Science program in organizational psychology at Chapman University. By the time he retired from the military, he had earned a doctorate in organizational behavior from NYU, and had completed the US Army's Command and General Staff College, the Race Relations Institute as well as the Organizational Effectiveness Training Course, of which he would later become the Director of Training. He brought all of this training to bear over the next 30 plus years, running a private consulting business focused on team-building coursework, leadership and diversity training and personal development retreats. He believed deeply in helping individuals to discover their best and most essential self, and that bringing this self into the professional sphere would result in both effectiveness and personal fulfillment.

He met his wife, née Mary Bellacosa, on a blind date arranged by his cousin Barbara. As the story goes, his cousin brought two girlfriends to visit West Point, and originally Jim was supposed to be paired up with the third young woman. But when he saw Mary from across the street, he knew in an instant that he had to go on that date with her. He crossed ahead of his fellow cadet to get to Mary first, and they stayed together for life. They would go on to forge a partnership in all things, to raise 5 children, to make a home in 6 states, and to grow and change beside one another throughout their lives. Jim always said that Mary was the only person he wanted to end every day with.

The growing Looram family was stationed at bases all over the country, but ultimately Jim spent most of his life between New York City and the Monterey Peninsula in California. Before his first deployment, he was sent with his wife and two young sons to the Defense Language Institute in Monterey in order to learn Vietnamese. He was first in his class. Besides providing him with new language skills, these three months would introduce Jim and Mary to the beauty of Northern California, where they would later settle for 20 years before returning to New York City in 1998.

Jim was a formidable man, and not at all uncomplicated. He was also incredibly charming, and deeply loyal and affectionate toward those he loved. He placed the highest of values on being a good listener, but true to his Irish heritage, he was an animated storyteller who enjoyed taking some colorful license. His frequent refrain was "All stories are true. Some of them actually happened." He was a perpetual intellectual and spiritual seeker, spending formative time at The Esalen Institute in Big Sur and also at an ashram in Nepal as part of a world tour taken when he turned fifty. In spite of his decorated military career, or perhaps precisely because of it, he would later proudly march in protest of the Iraq War in Washington. He ran five marathons and was an avid golfer, particularly enjoying his tee times with his friend and fellow veteran Phil Butler, his brother-in-law Ed Jacobsen and his children and grandchildren. After spending years as an amateur sculptor, he switched gears and took up abstract painting in the last decade of his life. He was tickled when he acquired what he called a "street peddler" license in order to participate as a vendor at art fairs around New York City where he sold many of his paintings and was ultimately represented and exhibited by a NYC gallery. He revelled in the chance to chat with all stripes of New Yorkers who passed by his stall and may have enjoyed the competitive rush of selling a painting even more than the painting itself. He was also giddily supportive of his wife Mary’s third act - an acting career she launched in her 60s, and liked to brag about his "model/actress trophy wife" with whom he was utterly besotted.

He died in New York City on January 4th of pancreatic cancer, just three weeks shy of his 80th birthday, in the loving embrace of his wife Mary, whom he still referred to as “my bride” until his last days. His entire extended family was together with him for the Christmas holiday.

We are heartbroken to have lost him, but comforted by the knowledge that we all carry so much of him with us forward into the world.

He is survived by his wife Mary, his children Patrick (Odile) of Bangkok, Mark of Hong Kong, Mary (Frank) of San Francisco, Sean (Karin) of Hong Kong, and Meaghan (Conrad) of Brooklyn, his grandchildren Charlotte, Tadhg, Quinn, Delaney, Mackenna, James, Daniel, Maeve and Ronan as well as a host of cousins, nieces and nephews. He was predeceased by his parents, James FX Looram Sr. and Mary Harden Looram, brother Eugene Looram and sister Mary Elizabeth Looram Berry.

He will be interred with military honors and a Catholic service at West Point in March, and a memorial celebration in Pacific Grove will follow. Condolences may be sent to Mary Looram, 2440 Broadway, Suite 122, New York, NY 10024. In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to the Southern Poverty Law Center or the James FX Looram Fund at Santa Catalina School in Monterey, CA, which provides tuition assistance to children of military families. The family would like to express our enormous gratitude to the dedicated doctors, nurses and team of clinical trial caregivers at Weill Cornell Medicine for their compassionate care.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.walterbcooke.net for the LOORAM family.