Frederick Lamar Bender

Frederick Lamar Bender, aka “DERF” age 82, beloved husband and father, passed away after a long and courageous fight with a multitude of medical conditions. Upon his death, his canine companion “Hootie,” met him at the rainbow bridge.

Fred was a humble, kind, and unassuming man who embodied service and family.

He was born on November 21, 1941 in Martinsburg, West Virginia. He was one of three sons of the late Lionel and Anna Bender. Upon graduation from high school in 1959, Fred joined the US Navy and served proudly for 24 years culminating as a NC-121K Flight Engineer. Upon his retirement as a Senior Chief in August 1982, Fred continued his career for over 21 years supporting the Department of Defense in varying positions in support of the CH-53 helicopter. Fred was known for his superb knowledge of the CH-53‘s Avionics Systems and his straightforward, no-nonsense approach to problem solving.

Fred met his beloved wife, Mary, while they were both serving in the US Navy. They settled in New Bern, NC for their retirement years. They were one of the first couples to move into Taberna, a golfing community. Fred enjoyed golfing with the Taberna Men’s Golf Association for many years. He also cherished his time riding his Harley-Davidson motorcycle with the “old Geezers.” He was a member of the Harley Owners Group and participated in many Harley Davidson of New Bern sponsored events.

Fred was also a valued member of many Masonic and Shrine associations for over 40 years. He was a member of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, the Past Master of Pensacola Lodge 42, and a member the Hadji Temple in Pensacola. He later transferred to the Sudan Temple and was a member of St. John Lodge #3 in New Bern, NC. One of his most proud accomplishments was becoming a founding member of the Sudan Shriners Cooligans parade unit in 2008. He participated in many parades even when his health was declining.

Left to cherish Fred’s memory is his wife, two sons, Michael (Carridy) and Brett, and two grandchildren, Teagan and Boss, who all brought joy to his life. He is also survived by two brothers, Tom (Robin), and Tim (Linda), and many nieces and nephews.

The family would like to thank Fred’s wonderful doctors: Dr. Maybee, Dr. Fujimagari, Dr. Gorman, Dr. Terry, and Dr. Perruquet; the doctors, nurses, and staff at CarolinaEast Regional Medical Center; and the 4th floor Oncology Unit and Palliative Care Wing for all their support, care, and compassion during Fred’s declining years. A very special thank you is also extended to Fred’s “Wing Angel,” Nurse Donna.

In lieu of Flowers, the family suggests that contributions be made to the Sudan Shriners Children’s Hospital Fund, P.O. Box 12829, New Bern, NC 28561.

All are welcome to attend a visitation on February 28, 2024 from 12:00 to 1:00 pm with a service from 1:00 pm to 2:00 pm, both at Cotten Funeral Home, 2201 Neuse Boulevard. To follow, there will be a celebration of life at the New Bern Shrine Club, 2102 South Glenburnie Road.

Online condolences may be directed to www.cottenfuneralhome.com