I hate anniversaries and this one is the worst.  You still cross my mind almost daily.  Miss you bunches.


Much Love

Summer time is upon us. Miss those sweaty nites.
Still Missin you. Kisses mi lady

Saw news the other night that crematorium in Mesa was shut down, for mistreating deceased loved ones since 2015. I hope that you weren't mistreated there. 
Love you

Had to drive to nebraska due to snow up north.
Made it to her memorial service. Got choked up, one time during her service. Don't get it, cause I cried over you for months. What I wouldn't do to be able to see you.
Oh well. 

Well my mom passed away last nite. Death of loved ones is so sad.
Missin you

Mother's day is upon us again.
I wouldn't and couldn't fault you for the way things turned out. Much love mi lady

Got really bored, so I got a job. Unfortunately their idea of safety and mine are miles apart. I'm too old to wanna get hurt and I don't want to be involved with anyone else getting hurt or worse. 
Missing you. The years have dulled the pain of losing you but not the yearning.
You were definitely one of a kind.
Can't help that I compare women to you and they all come up short.

Hey, really bored, seriously considering going back to work at an ice plant.
I'm way over qualified but its something to due and definitely will be cool in summer. L.
Sure isn't what we had planned for retirement.
Miss you a bunch.

Incident with grandson was over his GF.
Glad I remember being that young and dumb. Told him to wait till he gets older and finds real true love, then he will know heartache, hopelessness and every other terrible emotion, if he loses her. 
Miss you as always.

Miss you and need your counsel. Had scary issue with grandson.
Could use your proffessional opinion and life experience.
Miss you.

Good morning. Very wet and dreary day in valley of the sun. 
Wish you were here. L
Kisses MI Lady

Coming up on valentine's day. Letter you sent me on our first valentine's day is one of my most important possessions. 
I take it out and read it sometimes still. 
Can safely say I've never read such a proclamation of love. Don't know how you knew exactly what I wanted and needed . Cajun voodoo?
You are missed

Lady "friend" in the valley for a wedding. We went to bisbee breakfast where you and I used to go alot. She ordered baked oatmeal. First order had blond hair in it, I sent it back, 2nd order had blond hair in it. OMG. 
Later I went by your house, they have taken out tree and shrub around it on south side.  You used to keep the landscaping so perfect.
Hugs

Ok the time has come, I gotta trash the blanket you left here. It's really thin almost see through. Brushing lint outta my hair, figured out its coming from blanket. Sad.
Missin you. Still have pillow, it's become my fav. 
Xoxoxo 

Rember the acreage, you wanted to buy for us south on 99th ave? Coming back from desert today and drove by it. Wow piles of old tires, junk cars, weeds what a mess it is.
Bunch of people would have been very unhappy, if you would have bought it. That's why I said no. Kisses an hugs

New years eve. Nothing real happy about it, ya know? 

Merry Christmas MI Lady
About 5 Christmases ago we first met in person by new years eve at your house we both blurted out about the same time that it was love at first sight. It sure was.
Some people must not think that we called each other baabee, who cares, right?
I still have your voice message from the night you passed, to prove it. Xoxoxo. 

Was heading over to a place to get exhaust for black harley, powder coated. Building was at 3 5th Ave and broadway. Kept going east on Broadway way, missed my turn. After 3 years you would think I would quit trying to go to your house.
Still love and miss you, my baabee.

Thanksgiving tomorrow. I remember our last one 2014 . I'm sure you could have made it to 2015.
Wish you were still here physically.
Xooooooo 

Well it's been 3 years. I guess I'm past mourning but you will never be forgotten or unloved.
Remember the battery you gave me for my little handle bar clock? It finally died, some time last nite or this morning. Strange, huh?

Tomorrow will be 3 years of missing you. Thought we would be together forever.  Love and miss you so much.

Had a very vivid dream last night.
I heard a knock on door, I got up to answer it, opened the door and saw you sitting on porch with your back to door.
From behind, I knew it was you, by your hair.  It was the gray curly hair that came out after we had shaved your head bald.
I ran to you, hugging you tight, and crying like a baby.
You asked me why I was crying? I wouldn't answer because I was afraid if I told you that you had died, it would cause you to disappear.
Dream ended anyway.  Much love

Such a beautiful lady inside and out. Missing you always 

Going to our shooting spot in desert in the a.m. wishing you were going along.
Muuuah xoxoxoxooooxxoxxxxx 

Messaged your older sister, not sure why. Maybe thought she would ask me questions about your last hours. She didnt.
Think about you alot, this is a tough time of year for me.
Kisses

Coming up on 3 years without you baabee.
Cried today for first time in awhile.
Missing you still. Xoxoxo 

Dignity memorial is a very poor service. Again my messages aren't being uploaded. 
Maybe since I can't get better performance from you, I should start sharing my disappointment online.

Double rainbow today, first one I've seen since our last trip to tortilla flats.
That was a rain event, huh?
Miss you

McCain is done with treatment for his brain cancer. People acting like he is a super hero.  Cha!
Missing you my love

Well it was announced a new treatment for the big C. 93% sucess rate with childrens cancer and about 75% sucess rate for adults and breast cancers.
I'm happy for all those that it will save.
Too bad it's a few years late for you and us.
Miss you every day!

IZ and I went to desert yesterday. He forgot to clean your 22, that I gave him.
I cleaned it tonight, brought back happy memories.
Kisses

Well here we go again. Last two memories I uploaded didn't show up.

Why didn't you ever tell me that your chances of survival were so poor?
I'm thinking that we could have made better use of  the time we had left together.
Miss you terribly.  You will live on in my heart.

I truly think that you made it near impossible for me to have a relationship with any other women.
First of all, we were far from perfection but, you caused me to raise the bar of what my expectations are.
You and I were not perfect but, we surely were near perfection for each other.

Was out adding chemicals to pool today, a small black dragonfly landed next to me.
Was it a sign? Missing you

Well my trisha, its another one of those days. Washed bedding still have your pillow. Smiled when I put pillow cases on, using the "nurse way" you showed me. Looked at carved crocodile you brought back from Africa for me, my eyes leaked. 
Be 3 years in November since you passed. Still miss you every damn day.

Mi Lady
Immunotherapy is starting to show some promise. Way too late for us.
Still finding it hard to believe that you are gone.
All of our plans unfulfilled.
Hugs!

Moved some things to Oregon on last trip.  Sheila was unpacking box of glasses that you had packed 3 or 4 years ago.  She pulled out one glass that had a perfect set of lipstick prints on it.  They had to have been put there by you.  Wish I would of seen them before she did. 
Little devil you.  The world lost a great person when you left.

Happy mothers day my Trisha. Hey you did the best you could.  You are still in my heart

I sold blue jeep. We had some adventures in that one, huh.
Going to (oregone) tomorrow, I need an adventure, taking old military blazer that I bought. 
Might need guardian angel on this one. You up for it?
You are with me every day. 

Our day to day was pretty easy with mostly you and i.
Miss you

Sure miss your face. You still come to mind daily at least.  Life has sure changed, since watching you go through cancer treatment. Next door neighbor was diagnosed with colon cancer, went through treatment and thought they got it all, well it's back.
When will they find a cure?
Missing my Trisha

Came down hiway 89 in utah yesterday. Last time you and i were riding. Sad to think I was upset with you for not being ready to ride that day.
Such a waste of time for no good reason.
Reflecting back, I still can't believe, the circumstances of your death.
I know you are gone and can't read my entries but maybe someday, someone will.  They will see that you were loved, honored and respected.

Back in oregon. Sheila wants me to move here. The weather bites.
Was singing your praises to her and told her that in the last 40+ years if she had called and wanted me, I would have dropped whatever I was doing and come to her.
I did however tell her that you are the one and only I wouldn't have ever left.
Miss you !

Well my darling Trisha, I followed your explicit instructions. I moved on, more backwards than forward.
My first true love, has been reignited.
Will never forget what you and I had.
Love you

Spring is trying to make a comeback.
Went to canyon lake and tortilla flats yesterday, must be too early for dragonflys. Missing you!

Heading back to phoenix from oregon. Have reconnected with the little sweety, that used to send me care packages when I was in vietnam.
I told you about her a couple times. 
You commented that a book about our love should be written.
Well I'm hoping that the happiest chapter is now in progress.
You will always have a place in my heart.

Made it oregon, riding into the state at night, was 26 degrees.coldest I've ever been in my life. Much colder then our early morning ride down from intermittent lake. Remember? Miss you

My Trisha. I'm taking a ride to oregon this weekend. Gonna try to stay warm and dry. Rest easy babe

Although I'm moving on, you will live on in my heart.

Sad day. Gotta put chucky down today. Poor old dog can't hardly walk anymore. Brain disease.
Until today I didn't think I had any tears left. Missing you my love

Nurse at eye dr. Just started there after 10 years as hospice nurse. I told her, it must be quite a change for the majority of her patients to get up and leave after seeing her.
Then I told her about you, we both got watery eyed.
You know I miss you.

Couple times I wondered about it but, by far you were the sanest  woman I've ever been involved with. Hugs

Wishing you were here to celebrate your birthday.
Missing you baabee!

Went over to AJ to look at 4x4 van, coming back I decided to stop at Bisbee Breakfast, you know the place that we were going to go to and have breakfast on 11/6/15 but some people had other plans for you on 11/5/15. Soooooo sad. Miss you like the dickens

Was watching a 2013 rolling stones concert video. Seeing all the youngsters rocking out to one of our favorite bands. Was wondering if their parents were even born when these tunes were written. Lol.
An old time partner in crime of mine died over Christmas. Harley Arlie. We had some times. 
Missin you baabee

Spent a couple days with Izaak. I so wish that you could have met him.
I tell him about you alot. I gave him your .22 revolver, he really likes it and is 
Learning to shoot it pretty well.
Merry Christmas baabee.

Again the silly season is upon us. It's been too many holiday seasons since we first met. Seems so long ago. You were the best Christmas present I ever received, bar none. Missing you so much.

I'm a mess. Canine tooth pulled friday. Cataract surgery right eye monday. Woohoo. Miss you

I just read that a new cancer cure being very sucess full is herpes virus. Wow. Who would of thought? It's a little late for us. Hopefully others will be cured. Missing you.

Baabee, I have to move on with my life but, I'm scared. Don't think I could handle another loss even if I'm able to find compatibility. You tried really hard to get me to leave you, when we found out what your cancer was. I wasn't raised that way and it's not something a man does.

Watching vikings reruns alone, seems so wrong without you.

Again another thanksgiving passes. Guess I can be thankful that your pain and suffering  is over. Kisses

I have fond memories, some pictures and a 15 second voice mail.

How long should one grieve? It took me several months to get back to some semblance of normalcy. Normal me, yeah right huh? I smile more at memories of you. Why shouldn't I as depressed  won't change what happened . Kisses

Would have, could have, should have, often wonder if I should have been firmer in trying to convince you to seek treatment in Tulsa or Chicago. Would you still be here? Xoxoxo

Veterans Day salute to you. Thank you for your Navy service and you can't be thanked enough for your caring and comforting service, while you were hospice nurse at Phoenix V.A.
 When you decided to come home for your hospice care, I watched as hospice representatives explained it to you. As if you didn't know what was going to happen. I wish we had been given more time but, some people had other plans. Missing you.

2 years ago to the minute, you struggled to breathe and took your final breath. With your head on my shirtless chest, I felt life leave your body. I've never felt so helpless. Was my job to protect you and I failed miserably. I'm sorry. The world lost a most beautiful caring soul. You were a special person and obviously the mold was broken after you were made. Hugs and kisses sweety.

2 years ago today, you left me behind. Miss you so much. Hard to type as my eyes are leaking. Xoxoxo

Halloween in west valley. Little mexican girl peed on sidewalk. Not even costumed as a puppy. Xoxoxo

About 5 more days and it's the inevitable  anniversary of your departure from this earth. Miss you alot. Kisses

Caught tail end of a movie, room 104 my love. Older couple got a motel room where they spent their first night together many years before. She passed away in the room. He asked her many questions about things that had happened In their life together, obviously he didn't get any answers. He then crawled into bed with her and then he to, passed away. So sad and close to home. He like me lived along time with so many questions and no answers. He had lots of time to ask and didnt. I never had much time. I thought I would but, it didn't turn out that way.

Sad time of year. Two years ago when I took you to hospital, had no idea that this would be your last time to be admitted. I haven't cried for several months, doesn't mean I miss you any less. Kisses

Lol vacuumed my bedroom today. Forgot to put dirt cannister on vaccum. Sound familiar? I sure miss you.

About 2 years ago, you spent the weekend here. You had a bad cough and just wanted to sleep. I kept you drinking my famous decaffeinated  lemon honey tea, to suppress your cough. Another regret is that I should have cuddled with you instead of letting you rest. We did get you on the black harley for a ride up to do a late lunch. We had no idea that, it was to be your last ride. Missing you. Xoxoxo

Breast cancer awareness month. I'm aware of it every minute I'm awake. Then there is going to walley world fo fraps. For some reason they are in the liquor aisle. Every time I leave that aisle it leads to a main aisle, where there is always a fireball display. For some reason that always stuck out to me on your adult beverage cart. Going for a ride soon, wish I could feel you on back of harley.

I miss you so. You were that once in a lifetime, love. A perfect compilation of 2 other loves that didn't work. As we shared, we weren't our first loves but were supposed to be our last and forever.

Hey sweety. Julia Dreyfus has breast cancer. Used to be when I heard that someone had breast cancer, it didn't bother me much, now no matter who has it, I get a sick feeling. Xoxoxo

Nothing to do with you, my love but, I'm not sure that posting these messages is worth the headaches. I know you are gone and not affected one way or the other but, it's just a memory of you. Like I told you, I don't believe that people have passed on until they are forgotten. Hugs

Hey sweety. I terminated FB account. Feel my BP dropping already. Guess you know that Ben Carson didn't get the nomination, Trump is our new president. Country is divided, carrer politicians are worried. My 401ks are gaining. Missing you so much. Xoxoxo

Had first appt today, everybody seems so cordial. The dr. Noticed that I had scarring on left eardrum. Well now I know where the fluid coming out of my eardrum came from. Guess I earned 2 purple hearts in vietnam and didn't even know it. I would give it all away to be able to hold you again. Kisses and hugs

You were the best thing that I could have asked for and sometimes the worst. We didn't have many issues but the few we had were a major waste of precious time. I told you from the gate that I didn't argue. So I guess that the last incident was my fault that we didn't talk for so long. I should have just gone to your house and asked why you decided that you just wanted believers in your life but, I was just so devastated by your text. I mean I rode all the way to nebraska 1350 miles and as soon as I got there you told me your feeling bad, so I jumped back on my bike and tried to get back to you as fast as possible. At my last gas stop, I got the txt, that you didn't want to see me anymore. That messed me up. So we totally wasted 3 months and at that time we didn't know that you were going to pass away in 6 months. Realizing now how precious time really is. Missing you so much. Kisses.

Drove over Mesa this morning to Higley & Southern to buy used jeep parts. Coming back, I decided to go past your house. Wow you can sure tell that my Trisha, no longer lives there. You were pretty anal about your yard. L. Front looks nothing like the way you used to keep it. Can't imagine what your secret garden out back looks like. Since you died there, you would think your spirit would be up-set. Coming back I took broadway. So many memories. The pool store where you told me about the costume jewelry. Baabee you should have told me that you wanted it. I would have bought it all for you. So many times I traveled that way to get to your loving arms, alas no more. It's now just a trail of tears. I miss you so. Xoxoxo

I can't believe I'm changing flares on jeep again, doesn't seem like it was that long ago. Couple more months and it will be 2 years since you were taken. It sure didn't work out the way we planned,huh? Xoxoxo

Hey sweety. I found a pic of you standing and smiling in your back yard, dated 3 days before you were taken from me. Your daughter that gave you the liquid is standing beside you with a big loving smile. Remember the song smiling faces?

Went to have bbq at Rudys. Only seat open was picnic table that you and I sat at, the last time we ate there. Memories.

Missing you sweety. Such a huge part of my life is gone but all of yours is gone. Xoxoxo

Speaking of dragonflys, went to garage this morning, found a black one on garage floor by the superglide. If that was a message, please try harder. I have some questions that I need answers to. Missing you as usual. XOXOXO

Monsoon season is upon us. Rainy day today, brought back memory of the day we drove out to tortilla flats. Stopped at Lake dangled our feet in the water and you told me about dragonflies being contact for those that have passed. Kisses baabee

Woohoo got pic of you on someone else's shoulders at the warehouse, back in the day. Lucky guy.wish it would of been me. It still wouldn't have been long enough but if it would of been us we could of had 40 some years together instead of the short time we had. Would of could of should of, huh. missing you

Had grandson over this weekend, we had fun. Too much pool time. One of those nights baabee, missing you like crazy. Can miss you all I want but, I know I'll never have you again. Xoxoxo

I know you can't but, if you were ever to look down upon me and see that your Fiesta blanket isn't any longer on my bed, it's because it's gotten too thread bare. Guess Rocketman will enjoy it. Still have your pillow, it's become my favorite. Although it lost any scent of you, months ago. As usual missing you. Xoxoxo

Another weekend without my baabee, comes to a close. I gotta get used to it but I'll never get over you.

Drove the trail of tears on saturday. That would be the way I drove to job site east of Buckeye. Almost every morning I drove out there my eyes leaked. The wound from losing you was still wide open. It is kind of closed now, just a large obvious scar. Xoxoxo baabee.

OBITUARY

Patricia Marie Fitzgerald

January 8, 1956 – November 5, 2015

Lakeshore Mortuary

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