Remembering a Beautiful Person (as presented at the Celebration of Life service)
When Bill and Nancy asked me to speak at Aunt Irene's celebration of life service, I felt honoured to be asked to pay tribute to someone who meant so much to me, and to so many people.  
My earliest memories of Aunt Irene come from childhood. I used to visit her home in Scarborough - during holidays. On one of those visits - I might have been around age 8 - a bunch of us were playing outside on the street. We found a large piece of tarpaulin on someone's front yard and decided the people who lived there must have intended it to go into the garbage. So, we took it to use to make a fort. 
Later, while Aunt Irene was pouring a bath for Nancy and me, the phone rang  we were in the tub  and she came back into the bathroom, sat on the edge of the tub, and asked if we knew anything about a neighbour's missing tarpaulin. 
I burst into tears  there it was  we were thieves, caught red-handed. Nancy didn't seem particularly concerned, and Aunt Irene gave me a puzzled look.  We told her the story about how we thought it was garbage and I remember sobbing and thinking we were really in for it  then she smiled  that beautiful smile of hers, and her eyes lit up - and she started laughing, and said, Oh dear, such a tragedy. Who should we call first, the police or the fire department?
A wave of relief came over me and I couldn't believe that we weren't going to really get it. And then she asked me, Do you think the sun will come up tomorrow? And I said yes.  She said she was pretty certain it was going to come up tomorrow. And that was it, we were absolved of our crimes, she'd even made a joke out of it! How could that be possible, I wondered? It was like a miracle. 
I also remember, as a child, either Nancy or myself being sick at Aunt Irene's house. Or maybe we both were. Aunt Irene made a bed for us on either end of the couch, with pillows and blankets. She brought drinks and lunch on a tray and tended to us all day, and we watched black and white romance movies in the afternoon and leafed through movie star magazines. Nurse Irene tended our every need, and I remember it being such a wonderful, pleasurable time I never wanted to get better. And even if I wasn't the one who was sick, she still made me feel better. 
As a kid, I was enchanted by the methodical way she ran her household, a talent she never lost. Every workday morning at the same time there would be Uncle Bill's orange juice, fried egg and toast, in the same place at the end of the table, and she'd call out to him, through the buzz of his electric shaver, Bill, your egg's ready. 
Her talent for creating order brought me such calmness and a sense of well-being, an assurance that things would go as planned, and I think any visitor to her home would feel safe and cared for. I will never shake those images of her gentleness, her kindness and caring for others, and her ability to make everything smooth. She created an atmosphere of peacefulness.   
At family get togethers, often at my grandparents' home in Glanworth  they were Uncle Bill's parents -Aunt Irene was always first to jump up from the dinner table to start the clean up, which she did with miraculous efficiency. Aunt Dorothy  her sister-in-law would say, Just look at that Irene. Have you ever seen anything like it? Isn't she amazing? She makes it look so easy. And my grandfather said that she was a corker high praise coming from him.  
Much later, as Uncle Bill's illness progressed, and after my mother had a stroke  my mother was Uncle Bill's sister  we got together every Wednesday afternoon for coffee. Aunt Irene and Uncle Bill came to my house  she brought the Tim Bits, I made the coffee - and I brought my mother out of Parkwood Hospital for the afternoon.  This gave Aunt Irene and I a break, and an opportunity to exchange stories about care giving and some of the challenges we faced. On one of these occasions, Uncle Bill and Mom sat together at a window facing the street, and watched a horse and buggy come up the road. They often saw things that weren't there, but this was the first time we ever saw them share the same vision. Uncle Bill said the horse and buggy was headed straight for a parked car and my mother said it was going to hit it and then together, they counted the number of horses. Aunt Irene and I stood behind them, exchanging knowing glances and grins, and we added comments like, Those horses better slow down. She, of all people, knew that care- giving can be strenuous and sometimes seeing a little humour, even under difficult circumstances, was better than what the doctor ordered.   
She came to our house for dinner often, many times with Aunt Dorothy. Dorothy, being a Coulter, comes from a long line of door swingers  - there's no such thing as a short goodbye - and that was the opposite to Aunt Irene. After a couple of prompts that didn't work, she'd get up and put her coat on and call from the front door, Dorothy, I'm leaving. If you want a ride home, you better come now. And always there'd be that coy grin of hers. That was the end of the door swinging.  
After Uncle Bill died, she busied herself and became involved in so many things.  I'd phone her to invite her for dinner and she'd say, Busy that night. Can't that night. Sorry, not that night, either. She kept a very full dance card. I think she knew, at her very core, that if she couldn't make herself busy and happy, no one was going to do it for her. She got on with living -  got on with it  as she would put it - and in exemplary fashion.
 One night at my book club, someone in the group talked about this amazing woman at Walk Fit. She described her as pretty, impeccably coifed and dressed and accessorized, always with a touch of lipstick. She said she was remarkably with it and that someone had told her she was in her late 70s or early 80s. She said that was exactly how she hoped she'd be at that age. I asked her, By any chance, is her name Irene? and when she said yes, I corrected her  would you believe 88? I said. 
Aunt Irene knew what she wanted. We went to many events together, and sometimes that included funerals on the Coulter side of the family, the last one almost a year ago. After the service, I asked her if she wanted to go to a restaurant and have a more leisurely lunch, rather than going to the reception in the town hall basement. She didn't hesitate  she said they usually served good egg salad at those functions  she'd prefer to go to the town hall basement. She also said we should get there early because egg salad was the first to go, as they were the most popular, and they never usually made enough. We were the first ones at the reception, first at the egg salad, and she was right - they were the first to go. And we spent a wonderful few hours visiting with friends and relatives we hadn't seen for awhile.  
Aunt Irene could be feisty and determined. This past February, we stopped into Food Basics, after a visit to the dentist. She wanted a cottage roll  they were on sale - but we found an empty bin. In fact, the meat case was practically empty. She stopped a clerk and asked him to get the meat manager  the store manager came out from the back. She said to him, There aren't any cottage rolls. How come? He answered that there weren't any on the truck. She asked him, What happened? They were in the flyer. And he said that a mistake had been made and someone left it off their order. 
Then she said, Well, why isn't there much meat in the meat case  it's practically empty. 
He went into a long explanation about unexpected volumes, and supply and demand. She gave him a hard, rather intimidating stare, and when he finished with his inadequate answer she said, Well, they'll have to do better than that. And, of course, she was right. 
Aunt Irene could get up to shenanigans. She came to my house 3.5 years ago, to help me unpack after a move. We started in the kitchen and filled a large box with wrapping paper  she worked with lightning speed. I had to go and instruct the movers, and when I came back she was in the box, and jumping on the paper to tamp it down. The box was practically taller than she was, and I have no idea how she got in there. I told her she was naughty and I wasn't going to help her out  which, of course, I did. She looked so pleased with herself.  
Another time, while she was over for dinner, she spent a long time in the bathroom. I went in later and saw that two pictures of nude ladies I have having hanging there, bare from the waist up, now wore bikini-style tops made from toilet paper. I came out laughing and there she was, that grin of hers, her eyes lit up, so proud of her joke.   
Recently, when she was more confined to home, she'd dip into her stories. We talked about her wedding, how small it was, because no one had any money back then to have anything lavish. She said that she and Uncle Bill walked from the church on Craig St. to the train station in London, and took the train to Union Station in Toronto. There, they got into a cab and asked to go to The Royal York Hotel, where they were honeymooning. The cab did a U-turn and told them they were there, because of course, it is across the street from Union Station. 
 Mostly what Aunt Irene and I talked about, over the years, was the stuff of everyday. First and foremost, she talked about her family, what everyone was up to, what she had to eat at Brenda's lovely dinners, her yard work, hairstyles, her walks, the prices of things  especially gas - garbage pickup, the slots, cards, clothes, line dancing, pedicures, her friends, something in the paper, the Jays, what was going on in the neighbourhood, walk fit   you name it; our visits were a free-for-all of chit chat. We talked about what was going on in my life  she was a good listener and she advised fairly, sparingly, and with wisdom. She was my aunt, but she was also my role model and my friend. l will miss her very much. I found her comforting to be with. I admired her ability to absorb and enjoy what was around her and to actively engage in life. I came to see her busyness as part of her tidiness, her sense of order, and it brought to me the same feelings of peacefulness and comfort that I felt when I was child visiting her home. 
She lived very much in the present, a present from which she has now slipped. But she has left a considerable impression, teaching by example how to forge ahead and how to enjoy life. We all face tough times, they are inevitable, and I know when challenges come my way I will ask myself: What would Aunt Irene do? I will hear her say, in that practical way of hers, Stay busy; get on with it  Keep going.

I wanted to say a few things about my mother, Irene, and when I sat down to start forming my thoughts, I realized how difficult that task would be - there is so much I could say about her. So I decided to narrow my comments down to a "Top Ten Irene" list, like on Letterman. Except that didn't work either. So, here is my "Top Twelve Irene List".
Twelve - Port Stanley - In the earlier years it was the sun, sand and dances. In the later years was the love for the live comedy at the Port Stanley Festival Theatre, even better for me when I won the 50/50  draw. And who could not forget a hot dog and an Orange Mackie. If there was room a Shaw's ice cream maybe a Maple Walnut or Butter Pecan cone.
Eleven - Irene was a blood donor until she couldn't give any more. She had the good kind of blood running in her veins  like her personality, it mixed well with everyone.
Ten  5 pin Bowling  she was too small for ten pin - for many years, she was a great bowler and belonged on bowling leagues, along with my dad. 
Nine  Camping - This started when we were young and continued until Mom and Dad returned to London. As long as Irene had a fire-poking stick, she was happy, and she loved to spend evenings sitting around a campfire. Because of her love of camping, we were able to see a lot of Canada from the East coast to the West coast, as well as much of the USA.
Eight  Irene was crafty. Let's see, where do I start? She could sew, do needle point, crochet, knit. We think that Kaitlin, her granddaughter, and Nancy, her daughter inherited Irene's drawing skills. If you ever received a card from Irene, or a gift, you knew who it came from her even before you opened it. The wrapping and the presentation seemed almost like a gift in itself. And she was creative with the gifts she gave, too. When she gave the grandkids socks, they weren't ordinary socks - they were the kind we'd all like to get  they had money sewn into them. 
Seven  Dancing - Irene grew up dancing when a lot of skill was required, and she was a gifted dancer. Along with my Dad, Bill, they danced through the Big Band era. But Irene did not stop there  she went on to learn current dance steps. Start a line dancing song and guess who was up there showing everybody the steps? And guess who was one of the last to leave the dance floor at weddings and other celebrations? It has been rumored that Kaitlin also received Irene rhythm genes. Grandma went to every concert that Kaitlin was in from age three to Kaitlin's last concert.  
Six  Cards and occasionally gambling - Irene loved her card games  euchre, but not ordinary euchre, she played progressive euchre, as well as cribbage, Uno and Skip-Bo. She carried a hand-held game of Skip-Bo around with her, just in case opportunity struck. On seniors' day, she often went to the slots with her brother, Buster. She put herself on a strict $20.00 budget, and she always said Buster had better luck than she did. 
Five  Exercising - Irene could walk, it was a lot cheaper than driving, and it kept her fit. I enjoyed many wonderful and rigorous walks with her to Harvey's for our traditional Sunday morning breakfast  (that was our Church). It did not stop there. She did the Huff and Puff three times a week, and the other days she was busy playing euchre. I don't know how many times when I visited her, she would ask me when I was leaving, as she was anxious to get to her classes. (Here's your coat and hat  what's your hurry?)
Four  Gardening - Irene loved her flowers both inside and outside. At one point, she did not know what a particular species was, so she inquired about it to an gardening expert. The expert said, That's a weed. I am certain it would have flourished under her care.
Three  Crosswords - Between Buster and Irene they would do The London Free Press as well as other, more challenging, crosswords. Sometimes they would ask each other how they did on a particular one, but they never revealed their answers to each other  they were in a crossword competition. 
Two  Irene loved Her Friends and Neighbours  she and dad always seemed to find the perfect neighbourhood one with a front porch which they sat on it many of a time. They found it in Windsor, in Scarborough and more recently, in London. Their neighbours became their friends, and as many of you know, Irene made friends wherever she went. 
There were parties  some were grown-up parties, with grown-up beverages  Air quotes LOL  -  The parties were always fun. 
And finally  drum roll here  The Number One spot on Irene's List  Her love of Family  
If I were to list all the people that this included, the list would go on and on  she was fortunate to have a large family - and if I were to acknowledge all the family that meant so much to her, it could happen, just like at the Oscars, the music would come on to stop me. 
So, I will close with a musical thought, with the words from a beloved song to a beloved Mother and a beloved person. 

"Irene good night, Irene good night,
Good night Irene, Good night Irene,
I'll see you in my dreams."

My deep condolences to the family. I will miss Aunt Irene a lot and have very fond memories of her throughout my life. I wish I could have been there for the funeral service, and have been thinking of Coulter family from out here in Banff.

I am so sorry to for the loss of Aunt Irene. She was a lively, energetic lady and will be greatly missed.

The Crinklaw family extends our condolences to the Coulter families. We will be missing our little chats over the counter at the sugar house. She loved the maple butter.... But she didn't need anything to make her sweeter. What a lovely lady, kind and thoughtful, always interested in the maple season. Her visits made our day a little brighter. We are so sorry for your loss.

A great lady, lots of fun and always with a smile. We'll think of you at the movies Irene. The Copelands.

Nancy, we're so sorry for your loss.  Anyone that could have raised a woman as warm and loving as you must have been amazing in every way.  I hope seeing the outpouring of love for your mom is a comfort to you.  All our Love, Meghan Mackenzie Bell and Matt Graham

I knew Irene from the Huff n' Puff walkfit class. She was so nice, sweet and funny. She reminded me of my mother that I lost 2 years ago at the age of 90. She really lit up a room!

I'm am so lucky to have known this wonderful lady! She will be missed. Marg Medland

Bill and Brenda we are so sorry to hear of your loss.  Our thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

A wonderful woman with a great sense of humor who lived life to the fullness. She will be missed by everyone who knew her.

We were so sorry to hear of the Coulter family's loss.  Condolences to all of you.

BIll and Brenda & Pam, you are in our hearts as we mourn with you.  Our prayers and thoughts are with Irene and all of you.

In deepest sympathy,  Jose & Jacqui

Nancy, please accept our heart felt condolences for your loss.  We had the pleasure of knowing Irene as we've been her neighbor for 6 years now.  She was always ready for a conversation either while she was sitting on her front porch, weeding her garden or while she was in her back yard putting out her laundry.  We'd see each other frequently as we come and go.  Always patient with our 2 boys and their hockey playing in the driveway or balls landing in her back yard.  She'd let them run over to retrieve their balls.  She had a great sense of humor.  She will be greatly missed.   Tina, DJ, Aidan and Rylan

Nancy, we are so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother.  I know how close you were.  Our condolences to you, Doug and Kaitlin.

A mother holds her children's hands for a while, their hearts forever.  Nancy, you and your family are in my heart and mind. Sorry for your loss.

My condolences to the Coulter family. We lost a great lady on St Patrick's day.
She and I had some good times together even after I moved away.
She was always ready for a movie and dinner, a glass of wine or cup of tea. Lots of laughs.
I'm not sure I can handle the Blue Jays without her help, that was always a topic of conversation because the arm chair coaches knew best.
Heaven has received a wonderful caring lady. who already is an Angel. Merle

So sorry for your loss Nancy, Thinking of you Kaitlin, Doug and all of your family during this time, Love Kristy

So sorry for your loss,  Irene was such a sweet women. 
Tracey Bere ( Merle's Daughter )

Nancy, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.  I know she will be missed dearly by so many.  I had the pleasure of meeting your mother at one of your birthday parties, and she was a very lovely person inside and out just like you.  My thoughts are with you, Kaitlin, Doug and all of your family. Love Kim

My condolences to Bill Nancy and families. I will miss  Irene's smile, humour and love of life. She enjoyed life to the fullest, It was an honour and privilege to know her. Sweet dreams lovely  lady. Issy

Nancy, 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Mothers are so special and I know you were very close to yours.  Please accept my heartfelt condolences in your loss.  I'm sure you will be comforted by all the happy times you enjoyed with her.

A  lovely lady inside and out..  A  beautiful soul, a  friend  to all.    We will miss you sweet  lady.

Love Sue and Rick

OBITUARY

Irene Ball Coulter

October 15, 1925 – March 17, 2017

Needham Funeral Service

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