Barbara A. Hatem

Whether you knew her as Barbara (formal, when we were trying to make her do something), Barbie (family), Barb (husband Rick) or Babs (daughter Debbie and honorary daughter Holly, when just kidding around), she was the same woman. She enfolded us all within her love, she was the most unselfish and giving person we’ve ever known.

There are many things we will remember about Barbara. Whatever problems we had, she would listen and offer help. Whatever triumphs we had, she celebrated them with pride.

When a new baby was born into the family, she made and sent a crocheted blanket or quilt or soft toy. Whether we wanted it or not, she sent us home with containers of food and baked goodies, telling us to put them into the freezer for later. There is a huge box of recipe cards, she was forever trying out new ones and if the family liked something it went onto a card as a “keeper.”

If she found out you were sick, you could expect the call from her asking if she could bring over chicken soup or homemade bread. Neighbors and friends were equally blessed with gifts of food, for any occasion.

And, if you had a serious illness or needed uplifting, she sent cards to cheer you up. Only now do we hear of how many people were on the receiving end of cards, letters and notes. We knew she bought a lot of stamps but she must have done this every week for years. She may not have received as many in return, but that never seemed to matter to her. It was the giving that was important.

She volunteered as a Brownie leader and Cub Scouts pack leader, she made items to sell at crafts fairs to raise money for nonprofits and to give to breast cancer survivors. We asked her to start cleaning out the closets, there was so much stuff. She wouldn’t pare down her wall of fabrics, her shelves full of sewing supplies. “I might need that.”

She flew in small planes her husband piloted, even though she got air sick, they traveled with friends, went on a European cruise, went often to the local casino for lunch and a variety show. For the past 15 years, they were together all the time.

Their house is filled with her work – curtains she made, cushions she covered, family photos in special frames, an entire wall of the art from her grandchildren – and the freezer is full of food and meals she prepped, with her writing on all the packets ... GF (gluten free), pulled pork, chili, brownies. We open the closets and see clothes she made and her sewing table is covered in projects she was working on. None of us can sew worth a darn but maybe later we’ll try to finish them, just to honor her. (She delighted in fixing our mistakes: going to Rochester to visit her sister Carol and being asked right away if she could hem the living room curtains that were being held up with pins, or fixing the jacket daughter Debbie tried to shorten the sleeves on, only to end up with two sleeves of different lengths. “Didn’t you measure before you cut?”)

She fought breast cancer twice, survived Covid pneumonia and battled migraines most of her life. She told us she survived the Hong Kong flu when she was a kid, she was strong. Her will was definitely stronger.

Barbara Ann (Ensign) Hatem was born on November 4, 1941 in Rochester, N.Y. to Gerald Ira and Cecelia Ann. (Her father wanted to name her Geraldine after himself but her mother said no.) She passed away suddenly on September 26, 2022, several weeks shy of her 82nd birthday. She is survived by her husband of almost 59 years, Richard, daughter Debbie Murray, son Greg and wife Soledad, and their children Nathan and Samantha. She was born to be a wonderful grandma and was so overjoyed by their arrival. We are thankful we have tons of video so we can remember her voice and her lively spirit.

We are blessed that she was in our lives, and even though we are in sorrow that she has passed, we know she remains close. We are comforted she is again with her beloved sister, at peace and in no pain.

A cremation with a private visitation will be held for only the immediate family. In lieu of flowers, we request that you consider making a donation in honor of Barbara to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. We think she’d like knowing her death resulted in funding to help end breast cancer.