Haslett
Patricia passed away on January 14, 2011 at the age of 81. She was born July 18, 1929 in Haslett the daughter of Roy and Alice (Barratt) Ferris and they precede her in death along with 3 sisters and 3 brothers. Patricia retired from the State of Michigan Department of Treasury. She was a very devoted mother, grandmother and great grandmother who cherished time spent with her family. She also enjoyed her home and the outdoors, especially listening to the birds and feeling the sunshine on her face. Surviving are her daughters, Sharon Harkness of Haslett, Allyson (Angus) McPhaul of SC, Lisa Harkness of Haslett, son, Ken Harkness of SC, 7 grandchildren and 7 great grandchildren. Patricia’s family will celebrate her life on Tuesday, January 18, 2011 at the Gorsline Runciman Funeral Home, 1730 East Grand River, East Lansing at 11:00 A.M. Interment will follow at Deepdale Memorial Gardens. The family will receive friends for visitation at the funeral home on Monday from 4-6 P.M. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made Eaton Community Hospice, 2675 South Cochran, Charlotte, MI 48813. On-line condolences may be made at: www.gorslineruncimaneastlansing.com.
Eulogy: Celebrating the Life of Patricia L. Harkness
Born: July 18, 1929 – Died: January 14, 2011
Written by: Her Daughter, Allyson McPhaul
Touch fingers with a good woman who learned strength and vulnerability in a story that contains mountains of obstacles broken down bit by bit with the tools she had at hand.
Ask how she painted doorways where she found brick walls and stepped through them.
Witness power in her movement and sensitivity to touch.
Watch her hands bend to hold the shape of desire. She spun a way out and wore her way in.
Know her hands. Know Yours. (author unknown)
The first time I read this poem several years ago, I immediately thought of my mom. She was an amazing mother and grandmother.
Life was not easy for my mom. She started out in life in a tough position, the 6th born child of 7 children, she lost her dad at a young age. A depression era child, mom learned quickly that you needed to take care of what you had or it would be gone. She raised 4 children as a single parent and suffered from hearing loss and diabetes most of her adult life.
“a story that contains mountains of obstacles broken down bit by bit with the tools she had at hand.”
My mom never considered herself an intelligent person, but instead, rather simple. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Her extraordinary common sense was worth more than money could buy. “Do the best you can do”, she would say, “If you don’t know what to say, keep quiet”, she would say. And although she would also say, “I can’t make your decisions for you”, she would gently guide us through some of life’s toughest decisions and help us come to our own conclusions.
“Witness power in her movement and sensitivity to touch.” Her actions spoke even louder than her words. . .
My mom’s character will continue to inspire me, my siblings, and her grandchildren for the rest of our lives. She was hardworking, determined, disciplined, and strict. She was selfless. And, she was fancy! She loved sparkling jewels, dressing up, and high heeled shoes. I can’t imagine what my life would be without her as my role model.
Mom’s lessons were tough. She had very specific ways of doing things. I can remember when we were growing up and learning how to do chores, especially the dishes, she would line us all up at the kitchen sink. One would wash, one would rinse, one would dry, and there would be mom at the end of the line inspecting. If she found one dirty dish, not only did that one come back to be re-washed, but the entire lot of dishes had to be rewashed . . . Then there was the laundry. I remember she would make us turn my dad’s shirt pockets inside out and brush the tobacco out with a toothbrush. And, although I didn’t like it at the time, I later realized that my mom had given me every tool necessary to succeed in life. It became most evident in my first corporate job, where the required reading for that year was called “Quality is Free”. Among many things, it underscored that if you had time to do something over, you had time to do it right. . . Well, I thought my mom actually wrote that book! Wow, how did she know about so many things??? Her hardworking example with a huge emphasis on getting it right, has carried me through many a 60 plus hour work weeks throughout my entire career . . .
Because of her personal discipline, I’ve always liked to refer to mom as my little soldier. She was a survivor. General George S. Patton once said, “Now if you’re going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up”. My mom was the poster child for this philosophy. Her impeccable habits and personal discipline not only preserved her health from the potentially debilitating effects of diabetes, but ensured our personal safety and well being. Her discipline made our lives easier and better.
My mom worked hard to get the training required to get a better job to provide for us. I watched her take the bus when we didn’t have a car, wear the same 5 outfits week after week and apply for job after job trying to improve our situation.
When mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, we were trying to make room for my sister Lisa to move in with mom to become her full time caretaker (I like to refer to my sister as “Saint Lisa” because that is truly what she has been), I had the unusual privilege of sorting through mom’s many boxes of papers to make more room and make sure we were not getting rid of anything important. I say privilege, because after, literally, weeks of sorting, I could tell you just about every house my parents ever lived in, how much the utilities ran, the kinds of cars they drove, and on and on – so many things I would never have known (and yes, this exercise confirmed mom was a collector of sorts!). Sadly, I came across a box that contained letter after letter of job application rejections. It brought tears to my eyes. . . “I’m sorry Mrs. Harkness, we’ve chosen another applicant . . .” time and time again. But none of these things stood in her way.
“Ask how she painted doorways where she found brick walls and stepped through them.” Well, I’d like to tell you.
Mom always believed it was her hearing loss that was separating her from other candidates. So she actually offered to work for no pay for an entire month, if they would just give her a chance to prove herself. Well, she got that job, and as many of you know, my mom retired from the state of MI Department of Treasury. A job that sustained her through retirement and the rest of her life.
“She spun a way out and wore her way in.”
Out of a life of near poverty, my mom was able to keep us in a nice neighborhood, with life’s basic necessities, in a good school district. Keeping the house was the key to this noble goal. Because of my mom’s protective and hardworking nature, her legacy will endure through several generations of children.
Finally, I would like to close by reading another poem I found in her box of papers. I hope these words inspire you as they did my mom. I remember seeing it hang in her office at work. It is called “THINK”.
“If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win, but you think you can’t, it’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out of the world we find, Success begins with a fellow’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before you can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.”
I love you mom - You always felt bad that you couldn’t give us more. But you gave us everything we needed and even more. You had a profoundly positive impact on my life as I know you have many others here today. You gave us the example, the tools and all the love we could ever need – all of the things money can’t buy. I’ll be forever grateful to you, mom. And I’m so thankful and happy that you are dancing in heaven, pain free, with all of those you love.
“Watch her hands bend to hold the shape of desire” “Watch her hands bend to hold the shape of desire."
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