Gary Tilzer

For those of you who knew him well you knew he was the strongest, most stubborn, kindest, most lovable man a person could know. He knew if he had to fight he could do it with every ounce of his being, he knew if he had to love it also was with every ounce of himself. Once you made it into his heart you were there for life. He was one of the best most dedicated men I've ever known. He was working from the time he was 12 to help support his brothers and sister and he continued working his whole life to help support his wife and children. He was always proud of the work he did at the shipyard. Any time someone asked him what he did for a living you could see the gleam in his eyes when he told them I'm a sheet metal worker, a supervisor, a manager, or the head of safety for the Long Beach Naval Shipyard. He gave each position he held his attention, time and dedication. This is the only way that he worked. If he had a job to do he would do it the best he could with every ounce of strength and tenacity he had in him. This is the same work ethic that he instilled in my brother and me. When I do something or put my mind into something I have no fear that I will accomplish it because that's all I know how to do. I know this because that's all he knew how to do. It wasn't that failure wasn't an option it was that if you failed ok at least you tried, dust yourself off, get back up and try again. You can only fail by not trying. I don't know if these were lessons that he was trying to intentionally teach us or they just happened naturally because of the man he was.

The only thing that could have made him stop working happened in 1997 when the shipyard closed. He was finally able to relax and retire. Most people would be ecstatic that they didn't have to work anymore but not my dad. You could tell when the shipyard closed it took a piece of him with it. He and my mom have been married for 44 almost 45 years and even though these past couple of years have been a tough one I could still see the love my mom had and still has for him every day. They were each other's best friend, lover and confidant. When I was younger and my friends parents would separate or get divorced I knew that was something my brother and I would never have to deal with. The model of love and respect that the two of them shared has helped me to understand that when times get tough, money gets scarce, food gets low it's ok because together you will get through it. I am sure my parents fought as most do but they never let us see it. My dad's concern was always for his family. If his brothers or sister needed something he was there. If his parents needed something he was there. There are not a lot of men who would let his in laws move in with him for more than 10 years just because they were new to California and didn't have a place to live. He opened his house and home, and heart to them. He never questioned my mom and said its either me or them he just accepted it and did the best he could because he knew that is what my mom needed at the time.

When he started getting sick an author couldn't imagine the journey or write it as poignantly as it played out. The dementia started to take his short term memory but not his long term. He could tell you everything that happened back in New York, anything you wanted to know about his job or his son. While he loved me and my mom he just seemed to remember things about Richie better. He always knew when his birthday was . I knew his memory was starting to change when he had to start thinking about that. The day of the week, month or year he would always falter on but if you asked about my brother's birthday he was able to rattle it off like it was his social security number. I think he led a simple yet meaningful life. While we didn't have an extravagant childhood we never wanted for anything which I am extremely grateful for and thank him and my mom every day for.

My dad was very opened minded but don't cross him or his family as some of you may know. He always welcomed newcomers in with a smile and sincerity. When we got new neighbors over 30 something years ago he welcomed them into his life and ours. Ron, Harriet, Erica and Stephen became more of an extended family rather than just friends. I'm sure any of them could attest that my dad was laid back and easygoing as long as everything amongst us kids were fine.

When I met Steve over 27 years ago my dad was not pleased. He didn't like the look of him or the fact him and I were going to friends. My mom hated the fact even worse. My dad didn't yell, scream or tell me I couldn't see Steve he just kind of kept him at arm's length until I said this is it I can't help who I fall in love with. When I would explain to my mom that we were just friends he would be on my side and say basically the same thing they are just friends. He grew to like, love and respect Steve and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for him or vice versa. When Rich met Amber he welcomed her with open arms. I like to think it's because I made the transition easier for them. There are many people that didn't get to know my dad before he got his "Brain" disease it is a shame you only got to see a glimpse here and there of who he was. The time he had with his grandchildren was short but I know in his heart he enjoyed every moment of it. When I told him he was going to be grandfather over 10 years ago his reaction was astonished. When I asked him what he wanted to be called he said whatever it wants to call me. I said do you want to be called Zady or Papa. He said papa is fine that sounds like a good strong name. So my kids decided to call him Big Papa (they called Steve's dad Little Papa). The relationship he had with them was one of great compassion and love. He didn't get to show it most of the time because of the dementia but I know deep down in his heart he loved every minute of every day he got to spend with them. When he learned that Rich and Amber were going to have a baby he was elated. After all this was Rich. When we went up to see Autumn on her first birthday I know that is a memory he always treasured. One of the few times I saw him smile was when he was able to hold her. I only wish they could have seen him as the great dad and person that he was.

I thank all of you for coming today to celebrate in the life of my dad. I know he loved each of you in his own way and each of those that loved him had that special bond with him that you will remember and celebrate. I want to thank Rich and Amber for allowing me and mom to take care of dad the way we thought was best. I want to thank Laura for taking such good care of him all of those years. I want to thank Uncle Arthur for being there for him and my mom when I couldn't. Even though the two of you fought like brothers do I know he loved you and especially loved to tease you every time you saw each other. I want to thank my Mom for keeping him alive for as long as humanly possible. There are wives who love their husbands but there are not many who sacrifice and love as much as you do. I want to thank my dad for just being him. I want to send out a special thank you to my cousin Jennifer for being his hospital buddy and holding his hand, getting him to rally and who kept fighting for what was best for him until his last moments.