Carol K. Conklin

June 2, 1993

I belong to the God of Promises. God, you will never let me down. The rainbow is there as a reminder. It reminds me too of your love for me—giving me the special people who have loved and do love me. Today is my Mother’s birthday. She loved me and still does, I think from the other side. God, you promise to love me always and never leave me alone. I believe you and hope in you. Yesterday the evening sky seemed to glow with your promise of love. I’m glad I shared it with Walter. It’s been a year since I’ve written. I hope to be better. I promise to try. That sky was a promise of hope to me…

Your loving daughter,

Carol

Carol K. Conklin, loving wife, sister, mother, aunt, cousin, grandmother, great grandmother, friend, teacher, and plumheart, passed away after a brief illness on Saturday, November 6, 2021, at her home in Clinton. During her final weeks, days, and hours on this earth, Carol was surrounded by the love, prayers, and support of her beloved family and friends and sustained by her trust and understanding of God’s eternal love.

Carol was born in New Britain, CT in 1933 to Mary (Mae) Gawelek Kulak and Joseph (Joe) Kulak and grew up among a large close-knit Polish American family composed of aunts, uncles, cousins, older siblings Joe and Leone and, after 1940, a younger brother, Rob. When she was about 5 years old, Mae and Joe bought a house on Francis Street, just a hop and a skip from Stanley School, the teacher training school for Carol’s eventual alma mater, Teachers College of Connecticut (TCC).

At Stanley School, Carol developed a love of learning that lasted a lifetime. She delighted in and mastered the work of children: play, poetry, books, singing, drawing, and painting. After graduating from New Britain High School in 1951, Carol attended and graduated with a degree in elementary education from TCC in 1955. Her first teaching job was as a kindergarten teacher at the Abraham Pierson School in Clinton. She also taught first grade at the Stanley School in New Britain and half-day kindergarten at the Kathleen E. Goodwin Elementary School in Old Saybrook.

During her junior year of college, while working in the library, Carol met Walter Conklin, a dashing elementary education student one year her senior. They dated, courted, and married on April 21, 1956. In January 1957, Carol gave birth to their oldest child, W. Michael Conklin (Michael). Another son, Gerard, died shortly after birth in September 1958. The boys were followed by daughters Kristin (September 1961) and Stacey (December 1964). While Carol stopped working outside the home to focus on her family for several years, she engendered in her children a love of learning and listening through the many stories and poems she shared with them before bed each night—from the adventures of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, The Moffits of Cranbury, and Ramona the Pest to The Highwayman, The Charge of the Light Brigade, and Fog, which always came in on “little cat feet.”

Carol was curious and had an adventurous spirit. Over the course of her life, she traveled near and far and loved to meet people and learn about different cultures. As a child, she traveled to Canada to visit family and to the farms of the Wilczynski cousins and the Sliwa cousins. As a young adult, in the summer of 1955, Carol traveled by train to Mexico to take a silversmithing course in Taxco with fellow TCC students. She fell in love with the country, its people, the art and music, and in her later years, returned several times with Walt, including trips during which they studied Spanish and learned about different Mexican regions and cultures.

When her children were young and the family relied on Walt’s teachers’ salary and summer jobs to cover all of their expenses, Carol enjoyed traveling each summer for a week’s vacation with her family at her sister’s family cabin in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. In later years, she returned many times with Leone, Charles, and Walt. Most recently in August of this year, with the encouragement of her Griffith nephews and nieces, Carol enjoyed a number of days at the “House in Vermont,” gazing at the Green Mountains by day and the Milky Way by night and feeling the nearness of God in the beauty around her and the comfort of familiar places and faces.

In 1990, Carol traveled alone to Ghana, negotiating unexpected layovers in Cote D’Ivoire, to visit her sister Leone and brother-in-law Charles Griffith who were doing a Peace Corps retirement gig in the village of Agomeda. At the end of the trip, Carol wrote, “Conclusion: The trip was worth the effort. The people of Ghana are very friendly and congenial. I can travel alone, but I am a worrier. Talking with strangers isn’t so hard. People are good. I often felt cared for by others…’Gye Nyamp,’ “Accept God.”

Beginning in the year 2000, and for most years thereafter, Carol and Walt invited family and friends to join them for a week in July or August at the Geer Cottage on Higgins Beach in Maine, which they rented from the cousins of Mom’s sister-in-law Judy. The trip to Maine became a sacred time to spend with Carol’s beloveds, to walk and rest on the beach, kick back on the porch with a good book, and visit coastal islands and the Portland Museum of Art. The joy and laughter of her Maine family would often shake the rafters from early morning hours through a communal dinnertime. After dessert, the crowd would diminish into smaller groups that strolled down to the beach to catch the glorious summer sunset.

Other trips over the years included travel to Portugal, Spain, England, Brazil, and Ireland; cruises down the Rhine and Mosel rivers, around the Caribbean, and to Bermuda; California, the Grand Canyon and Oregon, North Carolina, a number of domestic Elderhostel trips in the South and Midwest, as well as an adventure at a game preserve in Ohio that included an overnight stay in a yurt. Once with Walt, she traveled in a small plane to Block Island, a gift from a friend she had mentored. They flew at a low altitude over the Connecticut shore and Long Island Sound, which was a dream come true for Carol. She also aspired to try ziplining and to ride in a hot air balloon, so if and when you engage in these activities, please know that Carol is enjoying them with you in spirit.

Carol worked for social justice; she believed that the Kingdom of God is now and that we all have a responsibility to make it real for all God’s people. Everyone, everywhere. In August 1963, she boarded a train in New Haven with her friend Sandra to attend The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom in Washington, DC. She was far from the dais when the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered the I Have A Dream speech, but she shared the dream, and she strived to make it real through her life’s work.

A lifelong Roman Catholic, Carol’s path to knowing a loving God was cleared by Pope John the XXIII and the Second Vatican Council. She believed in a loving, compassionate God, whom she knew through Jesus. As an educator, she believed that she could help others know the love and compassion of God. She believed, as her friend the Reverend Dennis Jarry used to say, that she and other Christians were called to act as “Christ in Clinton.”

Carol was an active member for more than 60 years at St. Mary’s of the Visitation Church in Clinton, where she also worked on staff for more than 30. With what seemed to her family to be a perfect juggling act in the early 1970s, Carol managed to coordinate the Religious Education program with her friend Laurie McLaughlin (Johnson), raise her family, and study for an advanced degree at Fairfield University. She attained her master’s degree in Religion in 1976 and was promoted to be the Director of Religious Education at St. Mary’s, a job that she loved until her retirement in 1996.

During her years as DRE, Carol worked to bring the Peace and Justice Ministry of the Diocese of Norwich into the religious education curriculum, emphasizing the importance of taking action to make the world around us more just and equitable. She led by example, participating in service to the community, including walking in the CROP Walk, preparing food and serving it at Soup Kitchen, weeding the Parish Garden, joining community members and her grandson Michael in Crazy Quiltmaking for the homeless, and assisting with Haitian Ministry fundraisers.

Carol always sought to help herself and others connect with God’s love. She planned multimedia reconciliation services that merged contemporary culture and music with a spiritual experience of God’s love for each of us through the life and teachings of Jesus. Carol sought to be an “instrument of God” in our world. When her daughters were young, she helped them raise funds for children in war-torn Biafra and around the world. She wrote letters on behalf of immigrants who were seeking asylum, and just a few years ago with Walt, her daughter Kris, and dear friends and members of the New Sanctuary Coalition, she attended the asylum hearing of a friend in New York City. She believed in accompaniment as an important way to bring the presence of God’s love to us in any situation. Many of us remember the moving slideshows that she created to accompany songs such as Bridge Over Troubled Waters and You’ve Got a Friend during youth services at St. Mary’s. She was creative in finding ways to let us know that God’s love is always present. She wrote in her journal, “God, you love me so much and have given me so much, let me give back some of that love in the form of service. Please, God, provide me with the courage and strength to really be of help and love to all.”

One of the biggest impacts that Carol had on her family also had an impact on St. Mary’s and was recently chronicled by her son, Michael:

[Mom] has been behind so many good things in my life. Her faith was always a great inspiration. She was a big fan of the Vatican II changes especially how it gave lay people and women more agency in the faith. She always felt that faith in God and his loving presence was more important than the pronouncements of a man who happened to be a priest. She was compassionate to all and tirelessly worked for social justice. Aside from the usual mother's love, she had a huge impact on my life when I was becoming a teen. I decided to teach myself to play the guitar. For Mom, this was a great opportunity to get me involved in church. I remember her bringing me to a CCD gathering of younger kids, so that I could play "Joy to the World" for them. Not the Christmas hymn, but the Three Dog Night song. Anything to get the kids to think religious education was fun. Of course, she didn't stop there. She got me involved in starting up a "folk group.” She brought me to the New England Congress of Religious Education where I was inspired by the faith of thousands of attendees and got to enjoy a concert by the Dameans, a group of four priests who were at the forefront of composing guitar music for Mass. All of this experience kept my faith alive. When I went off to college, the first thing I did was find the Newman Center on campus and sign up to be part of the "folk group" for their Masses. I made some lifelong friends there. Most importantly, I stayed involved and grew my faith…Involvement was the key and the best example for me was my Mom. When I got out of college and started my first job, I quickly found a parish and signed up for the "folk group." In that group, I met my wife Mary, another faith-filled, get-involved type of person. With her, my life has been fantastic, and we raised five wonderful kids. I could not be happier. When I think back on it, if it wasn't for my Mom, and of course my Dad too, I would never have had this wonderful life.

Carol was warm and kind and saw the face of God in each of us. She delighted in the many friends she had from St. Mary’s and folks who taught with Walt in the Clinton public schools, the “Mermoms” from her aquacise classes, the members of the Book Group she participated in at the town library, high school and college classmates, and the friends of her children whom she met over the years during her travels with Walt or whom she welcomed into their home in Clinton.

Like most humans, Carol struggled with time. There never seemed to be enough of it, and what there was seemed to move at warp speed. Her diagnosis with a terminal illness came just six weeks before her death, and her body and mind changed more quickly than she, or any of us, could fully fathom. For several weeks she felt there was an elusive something she needed to be doing for us or with us—making breakfast, clearing the dishes, taking a walk, and as her body weakened, dancing with us for support as she moved around the living room seeking a comfortable spot to rest. Very often, Carol prayed aloud, her own prayers as well as the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and the 23rd Psalm. Walter, her children, and friends prayed with her. She received visitors, including her beloved grandchildren, who were so very tender with her and her vulnerability. Their presence along with receiving the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick and the Eucharist brought Carol and her beloveds a greater sense of peace.

A couple of weeks ago, Carol’s daughter Stacey found a few journals that Carol kept during different time periods of her life. She often wrote to God or Jesus in these entries, engaging in a dialogue of discernment about her relationship to God. Reading of her travels as well as her faith journey and moments of joy and struggle has brought us great comfort, particularly as Carol seemed to find some peace and tranquility during her final days and hours but was no longer able to speak to us. On August 27, 1991, she wrote:

Time seems to be rushing me. So much to do, so little time. Yet I take the time to read scripture, ponder it, & write. It calms me. Psalm 139:3, God scrutinizing my journeys and rest. Interesting words. You criticize, appraise, evaluate, examine, inspect, analyze, study my journey and my rest. Perhaps I myself should be scrutinizing my own time. Maybe in the analyzing of time spent on journeys and on rest, I’ll discover You, God, there with me. I need to trust that the journeys I’m on and the rest I take will lead me to You. But I still need to take the time to constantly evaluate, examine and appraise each situation so that I find You there. Verse 12 says, “For your darkness itself is not dark, and night shines as day.” How good to hear that. It is comforting as we face the darkness of death. “Fear is useless. What is needed is trust.”

Carol loved and was deeply devoted to her family and friends. She was present to all of us in hard times as well as in good times. She believed and belonged to the “God of Promises.” She saw God’s promise in all and everything around her, and she learned to look to find it and see it in herself as well. She was especially thankful for her grandchildren and the joy they brought to her and Walt for many years. She made sure to spend time with each of them, to get to know them as individuals and to nurture and encourage them to pursue their dreams. She wrote, “I am especially thankful for my grandchildren. Thank you, God, for allowing me to see and know them. I pray too that the peace you give me in my heart, I can nurture and make grow in my family and community.”

Carol leaves behind her beloved husband of 65 years, Walter; children Michael (Mary) Conklin, Kristin Conklin, and Stacey Russell (Stephen); grandchildren Sarah Peterson (Jeff), Grace Conklin (Denis Vlahovic), Ross Conklin (Michelle Funk), Geoffrey Conklin, Tyler Kynn (Jamie), Carl Moon (Mimi Hacking), Ally Russell (Luke McCarthy), and Michael Russell; and great-grandchildren Lila and Flynn Peterson, as well as numerous nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends, all of whom she cherished. She joins her mother, Mary Gawelek Kulak, and father, Joseph S. Kulak, brothers Joe and Rob Kulak, sister Leone Griffith, and other beloved family and friends who all preceded her in death to their new life with God.

Calling hours will be held at the (Swan) Clinton Funeral Home, 80 East Main Street, on Friday, November 12, 2021, from 4 pm to 8 pm. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated at St. Mary's Church of the Visitation, 54 Grove Street, on Saturday, November 13, 2021, at 11 am. All are welcome. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in Carol’s memory to St. Mary’s, the Henry Carter Hull Library of Clinton, or Masonicare Home Health and Hospice.