Lynne Sanders

Written By Ken Fousel, EL CAJON, CA, Oct 25, 2013

At 2:20 Friday afternoon, October 11, KATHRYN LYNNE COWDEN SANDERS, age 70, crossed over the Rainbow Bridge on the final phase of her journey into the unknown. When she crossed the Bridge she was met by a band of Angels, who will guide her on this, her final voyage.

Lynne was born December 1, 1942, in Huntington, WV, the daughter of George Newel Cowden and Elizabeth (Liz) Robbins Cowden. Lynne was an only child, had no living relatives on her father's side, and only two cousins on her mother's side of the family. Lynne's mother was a college graduate, and her father was a graduate of the U of West Virginia and was a lawyer and an Air Force pilot during WW II and the Korean war. The family moved a lot during George's time in the Air Force, and Lynne went to a number of schools in the US and even one high school year in the Philippines.

In 1957 the family returned from the Philippines to West Virginia, where her father was assigned as an ROTC instructor at the University of WV. Her father developed lung cancer and died at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in 1959. Lynne's mother remarried that same year, and she and Lynne moved to be with her new husband to Syracuse, NY.

Lynne graduated from North Syracuse Central High School in New York, in 1960. Lynne attended several colleges between 1960 and 1967, completing her education at Iowa State University, graduating with a Master of Arts in Disability Counseling in 1967. After graduation, Lynne drove to San Francisco, CA where she soon obtained employment at the California state office of Social Security, as a Disability Evaluation Analyst.

After moving often, and even overseas, Lynne developed a life-long yen to travel, so after about 10 years, Lynne quit her job and took a year-long trip around-the-world, traveling throughout Europe, the Middle East, Australia, and other Far East locales, and eventually returning to San Francisco, where she was able to get her old job back. In 1977, Lynne re-located to San Diego, and was able continue working for the state Social Security office San Diego. She remained employed with that office until 1992, when she transferred to the Department of Transportation (Caltrans), as a right- of-way agent, where she remained until her retirement in 1996.

In 1988, at the age of 42, she re-connected with her former college roommate from the University of Wisconsin, who introduced her to her brother, Jay Sanders, a Lt. Colonel in the USAF. One year later, in 1988, Jay Hallman Sanders and Lynne Cowden were married, in San Marcos, CA. Lynne was 43 years old at the time of their marriage, and they never had any children.

After her marriage to Jay, Jay's extended family, including his son Keith, sisters Susie and Annie, and older brother, Larry, together with their husbands and wives, warmly welcomed Lynne into their hearts as a vital and valued member of the family. Lynne's new extended family were scattered far and wide, from California to Texas, Florida and New Hampshire. Despite the geographical separation, she was dearly loved by all, kept in close contact, and included in all their family activities and celebrations. Lynne's step-son Keith, was especially close, and remains so to this day, even though he has lived in St. Petersburg, Florida for a number of years.

Unfortunately, at the time of their marriage, unknown to either of them, Jay was already developing early-onset Dementia, at the early age of 44. and one year later, Jay was medically retired and moved permanently to San Diego. With Jay's health rapidly deteriorating, Lynne retired from Caltrans in 1996 to be a stay-at-home caretaker for Jay. By 1998, Jay's health had deteriorated so much that he had to be hospitalized at the Veterans Hospital in La Jolla. Jay survived until August, 2001, when he succumbed to the disease that was posthumously diagnosed as a variant of FTD. He was cremated and his ashes placed at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery.

In 1996, Lynne met Ken Fousel in an Alzheimer's support group at UCSD, who was also a retired USAF Lt. Colonel, and whose wife also had Alzheimer’s. For the next three years, Lynne, Jay, Ken and his wife Liz met socially outside the Alzheimer's scene, and became good friends, enjoying trips to the Zoo, Balboa Park, museums, and going to movies together. After Jay's death, Lynne and Ken continued their friendship, and, since 2002, Ken has been her life-partner. At the time of Lynne's death at age 70, Lynne and Ken had known each other for over 16 years, and had been together for almost 12 years.

In 2003 Lynne and Ken bought a motorhome, and for the next five years, Lynne's and Ken's love of traveling was central to their relationship, and they were "on the road" for four or five months every summer, from 2003 to 2007. They visited every state in the union, including Alaska, Canada, and parts of Mexico. They also made 6 trips to Hawaii and took 4 cruises. Lynne was very fond of baseball, and they attended many games here in San Diego and in Peoria, AZ, In the summer of 2006, they visited 16 major league ball parks and saw six MLB games in those parks.

In the summer of 2008, Lynne was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia, (PPA) a form of Fronto- Temporal Lobar Degeneration, (FTLD), and her life expectancy at that time was 5 years … and she lived 5 years and 3 months. By the spring of 2010she had lost her ability to write, type, and, eventually, speak, and she became totally dependent on Ken and others for daily living activities. Fortunately in July of 2010, we were able to find an outstanding personal in-home health aide, Lynn H., who remained with us until Lynne had to go to the hospital in Dec. 2011.

In August 2010, Lynne started on an experimental use of a different drug that had not previously been tried with FTLD, and within three days she able to talk again, within five days able to walk unassisted, and in a week became almost completely independent again. Most importantly, she was completely cogent and could think and speak as clearly as ever. This was an incredible development, not found in any of the medical literature. It was like a re-birth or resurrection. No one had any idea why it happened or how long it would last, but Ken and Lynne were determined to make the best of it while it did. In September they drove to Arizona, and two weeks later, they flew to Maui, Hawaii for a week-long visit to their favorite beach hotel. It was during this time that Lynne was very lucid, and they were able to discuss many important details about Lynne's coming end-of-life situation. The discussions were frank and honest and she bravely discussed every aspect of her coming death. This was an incredible opportunity that very few people ever experience and it made planning for and following through with her End-of-Life wishes clear and uncomplicated.

In early December 2011, Ken held a party for Lynne to celebrate her 69th birthday, and about 45 of her former co-workers at Disability and Caltrans attended. Amazingly, Lynne recognized every one of them and called them by name as they came in, some of them she had not seen or talked with for almost 20 years! One week later Lynne went to the hospital, never to return home.

This disease causes severe atrophy of part of the brain, eventually ending in death, with a life expectancy of about five years. It differs from Alzheimer's and other dementias in that, in FTLD, both short and long term memory,as well as the ability to think clearly (cognition), are well preserved until the very end of the disease process, and Lynne remained cogent until the moment she died. The most dramatic loss is the ability to talk, and since Christmas Eve, 2011, Lynne has not been able to talk. Yet, she was able to stay at home with Ken for almost five years, moving to Silverado Senior Living in Escondido in December 2011. Lynne was at Silverado for 20 months by the time of her death. The immediate cause of death was a stroke that Lynne suffered on Tuesday, October 1st and was unable to eat or drink since that date --- in her remission period in the fall of 2011, she was very explicit when she said "NO TUBES - EVER" and thankfully, she was at peace with her decision and the ultimate results of that decision.

Although Lynne had not been able to speak, read or write since early December, 2011, she was still able to communicate with her long-time partner Ken, by using her eyes and gestures. She could acknowledge her comprehension by turning or nodding her head to signal her response, so Ken could know that she understood every word he said. And he could talk to -- and talk with -- her right up to her last breath. That last day she was acutely aware of what was happening around her and her imminent death yet Lynne died bravely, without fear or anxiety or drugs or pain or tears ... but with incredible grace and dignity fully conscious and aware of her condition --- eyes wide open, looking directly at Ken and holding his hand, when she took her last breath. In her death, she gave us all a beautiful message ... and a beautiful example ... of how to die with grace and dignity --- We should all be so lucky when it is our time !

A Celebration of Life to honor Lynne will be held at the El Cajon ELKS Lodge, 1400 E. Washington, at 11a.m. on Saturday, November 2nd. Lynne has been cremated and her ashes will be interred in the same niche with her husband Jay at Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery in a separate, private ceremony. The dress code, at her request, is "San Diego Casual," so just be comfortable.

She loved her faithful dog Barney, who was her constant companion for 15+ years, so in lieu of flowers, those so inclined can make a contribution in her name to "Canine Companions for Independence," her designated charity at 124 Rancho Del Oro Dr., Oceanside, CA 92057.

Although we had only 12 years together, they were 12 great years and for 12+ wonderful years I was able to share the life of a very bright, beautiful and courageous woman. We tried to squeeze as much life as possible into those years; going to Hawaii seven or eight times, took four cruises, visited every state in the US, including Hawaii and Alaska, most of Canada, and a lot of Mexico .. and visited 46 National Parks and 18 major league baseball stadiums (Lynne was the baseball nut in our family!) ...all in our new RV -- and all in just six years!

And Barney turned out to be a great traveler and companion, going along on almost all of those trips (except Hawaii and Alaska), plus we danced --- a lot, played lots of bridge, and enjoyed many beautiful sunsets at the beach, a glass of wine in hand --- and we held, and/or went to, many, many great parties. It was a wonderful way to close out her book of life, and complete her "bucket list," which was pretty much all checked off at the end of her life. It would be hard to beat that record!

Published in U-T San Diego on Oct. 29, 2013