Danielle Eileen O'Donoghue

Beloved daughter of Emebet and Michael O'Donoghue, wonderful sister of Sara;

Very sadly missed and dearly loved by:

Aunt and uncle Maureen and Arturo, cousins Michael and Alexandra

Aunt and Uncle Alemnesh and Dobaro, cousins Tinbit, Lulako, Christian and Dawit

Uncle and aunt Kevin and Sheila, cousins Colin and Aoife

Uncle and aunt Timothy and Bernadette, cousins Luke & Abigail, Padraig and Suzanne

Uncle and aunt John and Assumpta, cousins J.J. and Samantha

Uncle and aunt Amare and Eyerusalem, cousin Yonatan

Uncle Daniel

Aunt and uncle in name Kidist and Retta, cousins Abel, Jeremiah and Makeda,

Cousin Wondafrash and more too numerous to mention.

And her great many friends

Reposing at Drake & Son Funeral Home, 5303 N. Western, Chicago

Visitation: Wednesday, September 21st 3:00-9:00

Service: Thursday at 10:00 at Drake & Son Funeral Home

Removal: Montrose Cemetery, 5400 N. Pulaski, Chicago

Lunch Reception: Irish American Heritage Center, 4626 N. Knox, Chicago

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Our Daughter/Sister/Cousin/Friend - Danielle

as written by her father Michael

Our daughter Danielle was born a fighter. She came in on a snowstorm-filled night on March 13, 1991. I remember walking down the stairs, in the middle of the night, from our third floor apartment we were living in at the time on Waveland and Damen, to clean the snow off the car then go back up to help Emebet carefully down to it and on to the hospital. We were young and naive - I was young and naive - at the time. We had emigrated to The United States two years earlier as newly-weds. We had family here in Chicago and quickly became friends with their friends. We expanded our group of friends by including from both our cultural backgrounds: Irish and Ethiopian. By the time Danielle came along you would think I would be a bit wise to the world. But no, I insisted we do everything by the book. We read all the books - well I did. We went to the Lamaze classes. I took copious notes and following the instructions of the classes I had the hospital bags packed and ready to go when Emebet was only seven months along. Besides the usual clothing and grooming items, there were Emebet’s favorite pictures (or the ones I told her were her favorites) that she could concentrate on in delivery, tapes of some of her favorite music (actually my favorite music) to listen to and relax, a boom box on which to play the tapes, books and magazines to read (when?). Really, by the time we were wheeling Emebet into the delivery room the nurse looked at me with two suitcases of stuff and asked me if I was moving in or on my way to the airport! I felt foolish. It was all done with good intentions though.

Danielle arrived at 6:13 in the morning, 6lb. - 14oz. and 20” long, a fine healthy baby girl. It was the first time I remember crying as an adult. My joy couldn’t be contained. Danielle was born with a little hole on the roof of her mouth that was surgically fixed when she was ten months old. She took her first steps at nine months surprising me on my birthday - there’s video footage somewhere to prove it. She was an absolute joy of a baby. The first grandchild on both sides, the first baby among our group of friends so she was spoiled and loved by many.

Time went on and it seemed that early steps were not the only things Danielle was good at. She impressed everyone with her ability to name all the members of the 1993 and ’94 World Champion Chicago Bulls, including the coaches and bench players. You provide the first name, Danielle provided the rest: Michael? Jordan!; Scottie? Pippen!and so on with her squeaky little voice.

Danielle was a little bit precocious in that she was an early reader, reading easy chapter books before kinder-garden. Her love of reading stayed with her always. She read so many books and so fast, she had a voracious appetite for words and stories. It was amazing to watch. Like most parents, we exposed her to as many activities as possible: various sports, music classes: violin and piano, arts and crafts classes. Danielle took to them all with equal enthusiasm. She loved soccer the most though. The AYSO teams on the lakefront spring and fall for many years. Travel teams when she was older. Indoor leagues during the winters. By the time her sister, Sara, was born and old enough to play on teams also it was basically soccer seven days a week in our house for a year or two between practices, games and travel. It was all worth it. Danielle loved it and she was always quick to make new friends where ever she went.

Speaking of Sara, Danielle was as proud as punch when her sister arrived when she was six years old. We had moved into a new house - the princess house as Danielle called it when we moved - the same house we still live in, and having a little sister seemed to make her life complete.

Danielle loved family and being the oldest cousin made things even better. She was delighted when my brother, Kevin and his wife Sheila, brought their children into her world, Colin and Aoife. When my sister, Maureen and her husband made our family bigger by bringing Michael and Alexandra to the world. And when my brother Tim and his wife Bernadette brought the twins, Luke and Abby to her world Danielle was over the moon. The twins were followed later on by Paudie and then Sue. My brother John and his wife Assumpta added the only cousin not born in the United States, JJ. Unfortunately Danielle and JJ never got to meet because we tend to take things for granted. On the other side of the family and more recently Emebet’s sister Alem and her husband, Dobaro have added in succession four of the sweetest angels you could dream of meeting: Tinbit, Lulako, Christian and Dawit (who’s favorite saying these days

is: Uncle Mack as in Uncle Mike whenever he sees me or even if he doesn't!). My special brother and sister, Retta and Mimi and their children: Abel, Jeremiah and little Makeda are so dear to us it is hard to describe in words. Danielle loved them all and was loved by all of them. There are many more out there - I cannot mention everyone and do not be offended by that.

In grade school Danielle made many friends. Many remain her friend to this day. One friend in particular was Katie. Katie and Danielle seemed inseparable for a time from 3rd grade on. Katie was like a daughter to us and likewise Danielle to Katie’s parents, Debra and Jeff. Danielle and Katie even looked a little bit alike with similar hair and features. Debra and Jeff are our friends to this day even if we haven’t seen them as often as we did or should.

In school having grown up with a mom that speaks English as a second language and has her own way of pronouncing certain syllables and words and a father who grew up in Ireland that pronounces certain words differently than here in the US made for interesting conversation between Danielle and her friends on the school playground. Danielle told us recently when we were reliving some memories from her past how she would argue and insist that her pronunciation of certain words was correct “because that’s the way my mom says it!” This was especially hilarious and embarrassing when it came to body parts and the switching of the letter V for B.

Danielle’s interests expanded as she entered high-school. She had been exposed to some theater in the early grades and a little more in middle school but by the time high school came around she had been bitten by the theater bug. She applied and was accepted to the Steppenwolf Young Adult Council in Lincoln Park where she and her peers from a variety of diverse backgrounds across the city met to discuss current plays. She met playwrights, directors, set designers and builders, actors and business personal. She learned the whole process of bringing someone’s thought and written word to the stage from the first word to the curtain close and how to present, advertise and produce a production the public would pay to see. This interest, of course, exposed her to other artists: musicians, actors, painters, sculptors and others, all of which was fascinating for Danielle. She loved to sing and wasn’t afraid to raise her voice as her friends strummed a guitar. She loved music of every genre from Irish traditional to Ethiopian cultural music. The Beatles had a special place in her heart, R&B, Soul, the Oldies, Rap to drive me nuts, Blues and on and on, everything was palatable to her.

Danielle had many hopes and plans. It was her dream to travel. Maybe go to Ethiopia to teach, she expressed an interest in perhaps going to Ireland to maybe set up a little theatre company or get involved in teaching theatre. She was bursting with ideas and it was so hard to settle on one.

Danielle was sixteen years old and on a peer-based foreign exchange program for young adults in Japan when we found out that she was epileptic. She had a grand mall seizure in the lobby of the hotel in Tokyo and had a battery of tests run on her there and here when she came back. I didn’t want to believe it. How could our Danielle have had this in her all the time, lying dormant, only to wake up and show itself at this juncture in her life? I asked God to take it from her and put in me. I begged and pleaded with neurologists that there must be some procedure, some operation available to correct this problem besides taking a handful of medication morning and night for the rest of her life; medication that needed to be adjusted and changed as her body grew accustomed to it and as she grew. I was told time and time again there was nothing that could be done, that a great many people with epilepsy live successful and happy lives. That picture is not the same for everyone and medication affects everyone differently. The side effects of the doses Danielle was on were subtly and gradually noticeable. The medication took the edge off her thinking at times, although she was still able to carry on an in-depth conversation on any topic with anyone as she did as a child and young adult, impressing everyone along the way. The medication affected her weight to a degree but it didn’t diminish her beauty. It caused her confusion and to lose focus in things at time. She often became disheartened but you could see her always bounce back. I tried in my limited way to help, to encourage. At times it seemed that she would be in a depressed state but still loved everything about life. I have wailed in anguish whenever I have had to run downstairs in the middle of the night and hold her, thrashing on the bathroom floor. Or pick her off the living room floor after falling from the sofa, knocking over tables and glasses. She has dropped so many laptops and damaged so many things in the throes of her convulsions but I would gladly trade everything I have or ever had to see her smile at me one more time. Of course, once diagnosed with epilepsy, that meant her driving privileges were revoked because one has to be seizure free for six months before being allowed to hold a driving license again. It seemed that she would go five and a half months at a time every time before an episode occurred. This too knocked the wind from her sails but still she shrugged it off and carried on.

She looked forward to her freedom away from parents, as all children do at that time of their life when they graduate from high-school. Danielle graduated from Lincoln Park High School, Class of 2009. She received a full scholarship at Monmouth College, a small liberal arts college in Monmouth in the west part of Illinois, not far from Peoria. However, her seizures were becoming more frequent and she was hurting herself. Maybe it was because mom wasn’t there to monitor her medication, to make sure she was taking it regularly. Maybe she was over-indulging in college life. She wanted to be a normal kid and do normal things that kids her age do - party. Either way she only lasted one year in Monmouth before deciding that she should come home and change colleges. Danielle eventually settled in Columbia College in a Theatre Directing major after taking time off to “get her head together”. She never finished the major though. She had one semester left but because of the work load involved in the projects it was causing too much stress on her and stress was the last thing anyone with Danielle’s condition needed.

We had so much hope and love in both our daughter’s, Danielle and Sara. We sometimes disagreed on things and were mad when I pointed out some things that they shouldn’t be doing. I know kids are going to be kids. We all did dumb things at some stage in our lives but in our days the internet and smart phones weren’t around to preserve that stupidity forever. I love them more than they can ever know. We remained hopeful and tried to be supportive and encourage in every way possible.

Danielle had a hard time trying to settle into the work force. I found, through friends, some hosting and serving positions but they were only supposed to be temporary and eventually, even though she loved the work, was left go or left. She tried some sales jobs but they were too stressful on her and did nothing to boost her confidence in herself. More recently she found work in The Kingston Mines, a famous Blues bar here in Chicago. She loved it and often asked Emebet and me to go there some night to listen to some music. I wanted to but never got the chance. Now I never will. For although she loved her job in a variety of positions helping out everywhere, the very fact that it was a night shift job meant exactly what was not good for her health. I begged her to use it as a stepping stone, to find another daytime job that she could ease into. I’m not saying that her job contributed in any way to where we find ourselves today but in the end Danielle seemed lonely among her family.

Our collective hearts are broken and no matter how we try to put them back together we will never be the same because one huge piece is gone. We, as a family, will all miss Danielle equally. However, the bond between herself and Emebet was especially close because, although they were mother and daughter, their relationship was more like best friends. They could talk to each other about anything; from the mundane to the serious, from the intimate to the fears and everything in between. And like most close friendships they had their share of arguments, some which left them on no-speaking terms, but never for very long. That’s the way Danielle was, she could be extremely mad at you but the next day everything was fine. She never carried a grudge, never carried a chip on her shoulder or anything like that. Forgive and forget, that was her policy and she stuck to it. Emebet has not just lost a daughter, she has lost her best friend. My words and thoughts are rambling roads of emotions. I want something I cannot have. The curtain has come down on the stage of Danielle's life here on earth. The show is over. She has passed beyond us for reasons we will never understand. I have to live with the regret of not having said “I love you” one last time, not having given the last genuine hug. It makes me wail inconsolably that she left this world thinking she was unloved because of that. Emebet, Sara and I will always love her. My sweet baby Nani, goodnight. Be at peace.