Robert Rayner

Robert “Bob” Rayner was born in 1961 to Charlie and Mary Rayner of Deep River. He was the sixth of their eight children. Like his father and mother, Bob was a gentle, sweet soul and the embodiment of kindness and generosity. He had a fun, playful personality and a serious streak of rascal in him, just like his dad. As a child he could be quite the mischievous imp, but he was so darn cute that he often elicited a secret chuckle even as he earned a scolding.

Around 1983 Bob started working at Essex Hardware. Bob and his co-worker Jay Tonks eventually became business partners and took over the store, which is arguably the friendliest and most unique hardware store anywhere. Jay says Bob was the heart of Essex Hardware. And thanks to Bob’s discerning eye, design skills and enthusiasm for collecting antique objects, the store is filled with an awe-inspiring, perfectly curated array of vintage tools and other artifacts, making it as much a museum as it is a hardware store.

Bob’s love of collecting filled every space he occupied. He had many impressive collections: tools, bicycles, toy cars, posters, beer trays, matchbooks, trunks and toolboxes, taxidermy and many, many other interesting and eclectic objects. They were mostly vintage, often obscure, sometimes super quirky and exquisitely presented. Bob also carried on his father’s love of old cars, creating a small collection, each vehicle meticulously restored as only a focused perfectionist like him could do.

Also like his dad, Bob was a talented, industrious guy, with an inventive spirit and unbelievable resourcefulness. He was an incredible craftsman and a jack-of-all-trades, with the ability to build or fix just about anything. A great problem solver, he was a fantastic resource for friends and customers with a project: gardening, car repair, plumbing, and so much more. He paid keen attention to every detail, and with boundless creativity and a strong sense of design, he brought a lot of beauty into this world.

Bob had a wonderfully quick wit and lightning sense of humor, always offering a clever comeback. Bob had fun at the hardware store, often offering teasing responses to his customer’s questions, then moving on to giving them exactly the help they needed. His sense of humor was made evident for all to see in his legendary, over-the-top Halloween displays. People from far and wide would come to weave their way through his vast presentation of over 100 macabre and funny vignettes. They were so carefully designed and displayed so realistically, they seemed to come alive!

Bob loved his family, and he was an awesome uncle, and not just to his immediate family. In his circle of friends, Bob was every kid’s “Uncle Bob.” He loved kids so much, and they loved him, delighting in his silly sense of humor and having the best time with all the fun activities and adventures he created for them – pumpkin carving, leaf piles, making things, going places, boat rides, and so much more. He would fix up swing sets, bikes and toys for them. He was a great role model and a mentor, as well. Kids learned from his example what it meant to be a good, generous, kind human being. He taught so many kids all kinds of practical skills and fun things to do. Bob really loved to fish, and he must have taught every kid in the family how to fish and set them up with their own fishing gear. Bob even fished in the winter, hosting ice fishing parties with hot chocolate and hot dogs roasted over a fire on the ice for the kids.

Bob loved to travel. He would often jump into his truck or onto his motorcycle, hit the highway, then take a random exit and just drive the back roads of New England, sometimes riding his motorcycle 250 miles in a day. When he decided to buy a motorcycle, he bought two so he could always invite someone to ride with him, and he and Jay took many trips together. He would always find something interesting or unique along the way. Almost every October he took a trip to the outer banks of North Carolina with a group of 15-20 friends. And he never drove straight there. He would always take a different route so he could see something new, taking detours through some of the most scenic routes like the Blue Ridge Highway.

Bob was definitely one of a kind! Although his life was cut way too short, he absolutely made the most of his time here. Bob truly lived life on his own terms. He was living the dream in so many ways. He took over Charlie and Mary’s property after their passing. He was planning his future life there, surrounded by family. He was so excited about what was ahead in his life, really looking forward to moving into the house after renovating it, which he was doing in typical “Bob” fashion: beautifully and with loving attention to every detail. Just like he did everything.

Bob was simply a good guy, the nicest guy, a kind spirit, a friend to everyone, a warm, giving person. He was fair, and always treated people with respect and kindness. He was enormously generous with his time, his resources and his know-how. He would drop everything he was doing if someone needed help. He was a champion of the underdog or folks that were down on their luck, always willing to help someone out with a job, a hot meal or help with a project. As the lovable, funny, sweet, kind, generous soul he was, he will be missed terribly by his family, his friends, his community and by everyone who knew him. The world is a better place because of what Bob did on this earth, and we are all better off for it.

Bob is survived by his siblings Charlie, Janet, Beverly, Leslie and Mark; his nieces and nephews Stacia Rusakowicz, Geoffrey Rayner, Kelly Rayner, Brett Rayner, Aurora Milstein, Hunter Rayner, Willow Tisdale, Sage Tisdale and Meadow Rayner; his great-nephews and nieces Shea and Ava Rusakowicz, Marina, Quique, Oriana, and Nuria Rayner, Ethan Chopus-Rayner, Jack Wojcik-Rayner, Cole Beaulieu-Rayner, Peyton and Jax Milstein and Liam Rayner. Bob also leaves behind his lifelong best friend and business partner, Jay Tonks. He was predeceased by his sister Linda and his brother Michael, and, most recently, his parents Charlie and Mary Rayner.

Bob will be greatly missed by his second family at Essex Hardware and by the community he and Jay served together for 40 years.

The public is invited to calling hours with the family on Friday, November 10 from 4:00 to 7:00 pm at Robinson, Wright & Weymer Funeral Home in Centerbrook. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Incarnation Camp: https://www.incarnationcenter.org/giving/donate-now/