My dear friend Alexander, 
I didn't know that you passed away. I am very affected. Today in the morning I was updating my contacts in my phone, then I found your e mail and decided to send you a few lines to know about you and your family. The mail returned undelivered, then I found this web site and fortunately I can send a few lines that I am sure you will read, because if Heaven exists, you must have a very good place there. Let me continue in spanish because it's easier for me to express how I feel. 
Alexander, fuiste un gran compañero de trabajo en Transhotel  y un mejor amigo.Para mí ha sido un privilegio haberte conocido, tu gran corazón y tu humanidad fueron un ejemplo para todos, y una enseñanza para mí, enseñanza que estoy seguro has transmitido a tu familia. Espero que puedas perdonarme no haber sabido de ti en tanto tiempo. Y a tu familia, le deseo lo mejor, y que guarde el recuerdo siempre de un padre que con seguridad, lo dio todo por ellos. Te recordaré siempre, querido amigo. 

Dadzilla,

It has been far too long since I have written on here, but I think about you everyday. It's September and as I am sure you would know this is the month I start giving my birthday requests. This will be my second birthday without you and the older and mature I get the less I want materialistic items and the more I yearn for memories. I started to live my life for the here and now, the only thing that we are promised is this very moment, tomorrow and even the next few minutes can not be guaranteed. I try to live my life without ever telling my self NO, I want to do everything I want and get the most out of life, and not put things for another time that can be done today. I realize how juvenile it might sound to not be preparing for a future, but the only future that is guaranteed is right now, today, this second. I am back in school taking my third class and I can only hope that you are looking down upon me and happy with my decisions. Life is not easy and I have been going through much of a roller coaster ride. As much as I love rollercoasters this one just has too many downs. I am happy though, and feel that the decisions I am making are for my well being. Sometimes its hard to let go because we as humans are raised to fight. Our natural instincts kick in and we do as we want rather then what is best for us. I made, and may be currently making mistakes, but my current mistake is a beautiful one. Its the one where I only care about MYSELF. I stopped letting potential consequences slow me down and paralyze me in a world I do not belong in. I was never raised to be a wallflower, you & mom gave me the fuel necessary to be the best I can be. I will not allow that flame to burn out. I feel smart, beautiful, wanted, funny, caring and happy. Even if no one else sees those things in me I am finally happy being in my own skin. I know this is what you would have wanted for me. There days I ask for your help, for your forgiveness for my path in life. But now I can only hope that you are looking down upon me and allowing me to make my own mistakes, my own decisions. But never stop showing me signs that you are around. Someone very special to me told me that my belief in your presence corresponds to my belief in faith. And I have become a believer of the unknown. Without faith and belief and hope we would never have the courage to close our eyes and dwell in the moments of the present knowing that somewhere somehow their is something out there promising us a whisper of tomorrow. I wish I can call you but my faith in your presence must suffice. I love you always, till the day we meet again.

XOXO,
DODZILLA <3

Dadzilla,

Today is August 14th, yes August, how unbelievable it is to me to think that I have gone on so long with out you. Next to my bed side is a picture of you, mom & Brianna from Sonya's backyard on memorial day, every single night it stares back at me, almost as if taunting me that I will never be able to recreate such a happy moment in my life. I may still laugh, smile & show happiness but it is flawed. It is flawed because it is secretly tainted with thousands of tears. The pain ricochets through my body every time I get caught up in a happy moment. I think to myself, I am happy, I am actually happy but the pain in my heart strongly disagrees with the signals my brain is giving off. I had a voicemail in my phone that you left me on my birthday that I used to play every night and couldn't wait to play it on my birthday, and for just a second in time pretend it is real, pretend that you have just left it. Not too long ago my phone malfunctioned and deleted it....I cried for days not understanding how god could allow this to happen. I also had long threads of text messages we sent each other before you got sick and after, while you were in the hospital and before/after procedures and that got deleted too. It was impossible for me to think I can hurt more so then when you passed, but this daddy broke me. It was like an invisible bond that we had to the past, an invisible virtual connection that kept me strong on my weaker days. BUT now....I have nothing but the memories that are stored in my head & hurt, but time slowly takes them away. Your voice muffles and your picture blurs and I am terrified that one day you will be a father that I once had. But NOOOO I refuse to give into times evil scheme, I refuse to allow it to win over my heart ! I will try daddy to hold on to all of our memories and to share all of our amazing stories and pictures to my children, and they will ENVY the fact that they haven't had the blessing of meeting you and having you in their lives. But i'm going to be greedy and some of our memories I will only hold to myself! Daddy you will never be forgotten & I hope you are looking down at me and smiling. I am getting my life back together piece by piece, step by step. And it is all because of you, because I want to make you proud and I know you see me and I am jealous because Daddy I am dying to see you !!!!

XOXO, Dodzilla

Dadzilla,

I do not know why I find comfort writing to you here, but I do. I feel as though you are seeing this wherever it is that you are and the thought of that makes me smile. So May 6th was your birthday, you would have been 51! I had dreams of you all excited asking me what mom is going to do and buy for you (the way you always used to). But this year was different, this year we did not celebrate we mourned. We mourned the loss of the amazing person I have ever known in my life. So much is going on in my life, so many changes, so many things I would want to consult with you about. All I have now is the memories & the dreams that my head creates because it refuses to believe that you are gone. Our mind is such a powerful thing - I can create an entire life in it with all of us together. But it is only for so long until reality harshly sets in. Mom misses you a lot, you have left such a huge whole in so many people's hearts. I have a little secret to tell you, every night before I go to sleep I play an old voicemail that you left me for my birthday. You end it with "dotsa I will talk to you later". But we all know how incorrect that is, so now all I have is a voicemail & a broken heart. I need you!

Dodzilla

Hey sir its me Mohammed Jessicas friend I know I didn't really know you but I can tell u were a man who cared and loved ur family and I just wanted u to know I will never leave Jessica no matter wat,good or bad so u shouldn't worry to much for her cuz u raised a strong, smart and beautiful girl and I will always be there for her if she's needs a reminder how great a person she is so rest easy Momo is on the case

Dadzilla,

Today is Feburary 1st, I can not believe how much time has passed. I wish now more then ever that you were here, I need your adivce! I am going through a tough time in my life and I know you would understand. You & I are so much alike, I know you would be able to help me through this better then anyone else. All I have left is memories of our conversations and the advise you gave. But it's bad now daddy, I truely do not know what to do. I am being torn between my heart and my head and I am scared that my heart is going to win, even though its not being logical. Mom is helping me, more then i even thought. But it is not enough! That is why each child has two parents, two sides, two opinions, two perspectives. I don't know anything anymore. I lost sight of the right path and everytime I try to walk that way something stops me. I can't believe i can not call you, or see you and tell you everything that is going on. I need you daddy, now more then ever. I know you are looking down upon me, please help me find the right path. Help my heart heal :(

I love you!
Dodzilla

Dadzilla,

I can't believe I'm writing to you here, I can't believe I will no longer see your face or hear your voice. When I needed guidance and strength you we're always there for me, I wish I could have been there for you more. All life is now is a bunch of what ifs. I hate this daddy, I hate that I can't call you and tell you how Brianna is or ask for your advise about something going on at work. I remember when I was younger and would get in trouble by mom you would come into my room turn the light off and hear my side of the story. I know now you only wanted the best for me till your last day here. I wish we had more time together more memories, more everything. But I know you are forever in my heart where nothin in this world has the power to take you from me I'm there. Please watch over me and be happy and in peace. I will make you proud you just wait and see. When I need you and lose sight in the correct path please be my guiding light, as you were always for me. 
I love you!! No matter if you are physically here or not, you are in my heart- were you will always belong. RIP daddy!

Love, Dodzilla (Jessica Kodor)

OBITUARY

Alexander Kodor

May 6, 1962 – December 17, 2012

Nevsky Yablokoff Memorial Chapels

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