Paul Jay Kaufmann

A Celebration of Life for Paul will be held on Saturday, November 9, 2024 from 1:00 pm until 4:00 pm at the Prairie Moon Winery, 3801 West 190th Street, Ames, Iowa 50014. There will be a service at 1:00 pm, followed by a time of sharing and food and fellowship.

Paul’s first person obituary and addendums by his loved ones:

Hi, my name is Paul Jay Kaufmann. I started life in Berwyn, IL, on August 10th, 1942. Then I wandered with my parents, John Joseph and Rosalie Franek Kaufmann, and brother John Dennis to Riverside, IL, Indianapolis, IN, and Omaha, NE, where I graduated from Creighton Prep and University of Nebraska at Omaha. I married Dorothy Marie Smith, and our daughter Regina Marie (Miguel) was born on 04/26/1964.

After a couple of years teaching at Missouri Valley, IA, where Paul Christopher (Brenda) was born on 12/27/1965, I earned an MA at the University of Cincinnati. Number three, James Joseph (Andrea) was born on 07/03/1967. Later, I took an instructor job at Iowa State University, finished a PhD, and number four, John Andrew (Brynn) was born in Ames on 06/12/1970.

After nearly twenty years, Dorothy and I divorced, and I married Rebecca Lensch, adopted her daughter Kiley Jae (Andrew) born 12/15/1978, and produced two more: Oriana Kathryn, born 06/21/1984 and Henry Jay, born 07/17/1985. Rebecca and I divorced.

I was 48 years old, two divorces, three nearly fatal motorcycle accidents. My life was desperate: the booze liquid noose was choking me, so I asked my hunting, fishing, and former drinking buddy Pat Gouran to take me to Powell Rehab Center. Now, I’m not religious, but rehab showed me a functional Higher Power through honest, disclosive acceptance and the AA tools for a sober life. I’ve been sober since 1990.

So, I began rebuilding relationships, and three years out of rehab, Linda Trudeau and I married. She knew only sober-me and accepted my past with love. She is a smart, beautiful, bright, generous community builder, and we brought her kids into the bunch: Shawna Lenee Trudeau, born 04/05/1976, and Jeremy Lawrence Trudeau (Kristin) born 09/04/1979.

My brother John died, but I gained two “I got your back” brothers, Bert Miller and Jeff Watson.

So here’s what life gave me:

A close, warm family life, nine kids and their spouses/partners, seventeen grandkids, three brothers; a great job at Iowa State University; thirty-five years of glider-instructing and examining; an array of buddies; and a supportive collection of sober drunks from AA.

I love every one of you, and send my fondest thoughts. It’s been an adventure.

I can be reached at convectiveloveuniverse.com. Drop me a line.

Addendums:

From Linda Trudeau, Paul’s wife: I met Paul many years ago through our mutual love of flying, and later, he instructed me in gliders. That’s when the fun began! Paul always leads with laughter. First impressions, he’s witty, clever, and funny, except maybe for the groany puns. But then, if you stick around, you will learn that he is a man of substance. He is a really good and patient listener – but then he did teach a class called “Listening” and wrote the textbook for it, “Sensible Listening: The Key to Responsive Interactions.” Paul had a knack for relationship building. He got to know you, and each relationship was unique. His super power was his ability to connect and to highlight the positives he saw in you. He built people up, and drew people in. He was a remarkable man who was truly loved.

His children, their spouses, and his grandchildren were so lucky to have him in their lives. Here are some of the things they have written about Paul:

From son Johnny: Dad had confidence, but he also had humility and curiosity. He treated others like they had something to teach him and would ask questions and listen to seek out their lessons. His many kids and grandkids did not fear introducing friends, boyfriends or girlfriends to Dad – they knew that he would accept them, joke with them, and make them feel welcome. This humility and curiosity allowed him to keep evolving throughout his life, to the very end. And who knows -- he’s probably still listening and learning in ways we living folks can’t yet understand.

From Brynn Hambly (John’s wife): I was welcomed into the family and through Paul’s loving, curious, and patient ways, he taught me that one of the best things in life is a visit where listening, connections and reflection with another person is all that matters. He taught me that it’s never too late to grow or change or repair, and that positivity and enthusiasm make a difference.

From grandkids Arlo and Hattie: Grandpa Paul loves you for who you are, and he loves boating, going to Culvers, and all the adventures. He would make me laugh with critter and grandpa jokes.

From daughter Gina: Because of Dad, I believe people can truly grow and change and remain curious and full of wonder throughout their lives. His determination and true desire to heal and build meaningful relationships inspired me and healed me in turn – a rare gift that I will always be grateful for. Dad never stopped facilitating genuine connection between the people he loved. I love him so much for that and for the years of Boggle, walks, singing, laughter and conversion.

From son Jeremy: It didn’t matter that Shawna and I weren’t your blood, you treated us like your kids from day one. Paul, you are an incredible human and everyone who has had the privilege to get to know you is truly lucky – you have made us all better in some way. You have a remarkable ability to make everyone feel important. When you have a conversation, it’s never about you, always about them and what they have going on. I know we all appreciate the attention you give us and how much you care. We all have been impacted by you and your guidance over many years.

From daughter-in-law Kristin Trudeau: Paul came into my life when I was 22 years of age. He was always kind and funny, His wit and power to connect was amazing. He treated me like a daughter. He was an amazing grandfather to our two sons and they never even knew they weren’t related by blood until recently. He made everyone feel special. I enjoyed seeking his opinions and giving him a hard time. He will be so missed! I heard a quote recently and it made me feel so good. “We may not get to spend the rest of our lives with him, but he got to spend the rest of his life with us.” I know I am not the only one that had an amazing connection with Paul. I will miss all his dad jokes and his smile.

From daughter Shawna: She noted that Paul has been part of her life for almost three decades. She says she has learned things from him, like not only how to actively listen, but how to have the kind of father/daughter relationship she always wanted and needed. She says that Paul has been the best dad she could have asked for, and she thanks him for being there for her and for her mom. Paul made her mom so happy over these years.

From daughter Oriana: Oriana wrote that her dad was wise and kind. He offered a listening ear to his friends and family and knew how to lift the spirits, whether with sage advice or a punny joke. He gave the most important thing to his loved ones: his time. And he consistently made time with a cheery phone call, the making of an omelet, sitting down to tea. Dad was about genuine connections and togetherness. He wanted to understand, empathize, and laugh. He was open-minded, big-hearted, and had a contagious smile. He gave his full attention to and cared deeply for others. He was constantly learning, sharing knowledge, and starting a conversion with a question: What do you think? He valued the people in his life and his time and effort reflected that. He was one of a kind and what we love about him lives on within us.

From son Henry "Hal" Jay Kaufmann, aka "Thumper/Thump." Dad was a fun-loving guy who loved to learn. He loved to talk. The man loved a good slice of pizza. Ideally, he just wanted to chat (or BS as he put it) and learn with you over a slice of pizza. He was always there for us, always made time for us, and was so incredibly supportive. He made us all feel loved, and he bestowed all friends and family with their own nicknames. Phone calls and jokes were a daily routine. He had a kind, gentle way of insisting family is the most important thing, the glue that keeps us together. I'm proud that he's my Dad. I'm proud that I gave him one more granddaughter (Penny) so he could see me, his youngest child, become a Dad myself. We will all miss him, but his warm smile and thoughtfulness is here with us in the clouds, our conversations, our laughter, and every delicious slice of pizza.

From granddaughter Aya: Grandpa Paul never made me feel like I was competing for his love or attention. From him I learned that love is abundant, infinite maybe. That it can be shown in curiosity and honest repair. Our last conversations were about creativity, BS, sharing snarky jokes. Nothing new, and nothing left unsaid, because he loved and shared so generously throughout his life, because he owned his mistakes. There is nothing that I could have told him he wouldn’t have accepted, nothing that could happen now that he wouldn’t have supported me through. I will miss him, but I regret nothing, because nothing was left incomplete. I can pay him no higher compliment than that.

From grandson Dylan: Rest in peace, Grandpa Paul. Funniest old man I’ve ever heard in my life. Always knew what to say when, how to make all the little grandkids laugh by his Donald Duck impression, His fascination with life itself… energy, cars, writing, gliders, engines, comedy. I can’t encapsulate how much he meant to everyone around him. I loved talking with him about engines, boats, and cars. Funny thing is, he assumed I knew all these engine terms when we talked. I had to just keep smiling and agreeing! Don’t get me started about the omelets he’d make on vacation. He’s survived death multiple times, a few motorcycle accidents and kicking cancer a few times. But in life, all great things come to an end. On Thursday Grandpa had a speech about life. Some family and friends came to listen and there’s one thing I’ll sum up about it. In his last few moments, he talked about almost everyone around him, at least 20 people. It’s amazing how caring and thoughtful he was, even during the last moments. He has made a lasting impact on our lives – not just family, but his lifelong friends, some being his former students. As his wife said during his speech, “I thought of you as a slob when I first met you, until I eavesdropped a conversation you had with your son. The things I heard sealed the deal that you were the one.” Grandma, you picked the best. Grandpa always made everyone around him be in a better mood, and whatever you had to say, he truly cared.

From grandson Jalen: Jalen wrote a letter after Paul passed. He wrote: I am still processing the fact that you’re gone. The last few days you had on this earth you were still yourself, still the best and most kind man anyone could ever meet. You had a gift of making everyone feel important. No matter what we talked about, you cared. I’ll miss our crude greetings of love, which I won’t post here, but like you said, “I’m not sure why or how it started but it’s how we are.” I too have no clue how it started. The last thing I will say to you will always be “Love you Grandpa.” Even when I said this you jokingly scowled at me. I’m glad that was the last thing I said to you.

From grandson Leyton: Grandpa was kind and funny. I will always remember the underwater railroad, lake vacations, and I will miss his 3 egger omelets. I loved how he was at every band, choir, play, musical, and dance event.

From Grandson Paul Kenneth Kaufmann: My grandpa was one of the most thoughtful, interesting, patient, and kind people I had the pleasure of knowing throughout my life. He was a friend to everyone he came in contact with. Summers will forever be remembered for the joy he brought as he loved spending his days out on the water boating with us. He was always at our sports games growing up, never giving up the chance to encourage use and help us grow as a person. He always had a witty joke for any occasion. It is an honor of mine to share the same name as him and I’m glad I was able to spend many years with such a great person.

From his buddy Bert: Bert wrote that their long friendship has positively affected his life, and he sees chapters of mutual idiocy and growth in love and kindness. They were drawn together on the debate circuit and then both found AA and were lucky enough to have taken it seriously. Bert says that Paul’s love has helped him become a better person and has had a lasting effect on who he has become. He highlights the good times he and his wife Judy have shared with Paul and Linda in adventures and deep conversations.

Paul is survived by his wife, his nine children, and 16 of his grandchildren. He was preceded in death by his parents, his brother John, and his grandson Tristan.

In lieu of flowers, memorial gifts may be made to the Bliss Cancer Center Fund at the Mary Greeley Foundation: www.mgmc.org/foundation or mail to the Mary Greeley Foundation, 1111 Duff Ave, Ames, IA 50010.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be left at www.ankenyfuneralhome.com for the Kaufmann family.