How To Plan an LGBTQ+ Celebration of Life
In 2023, the Pew Research Center in Washington, D.C., published the results of a survey that found that around 7% of Americans are lesbian, gay or bisexual. The survey also found that 1.6% of U.S. adults are transgender or nonbinary, according to the center. This may be you, or it may be a family member or a friend. One thing is certain: There are all kinds of people. Another certainty: Dignity Memorial® providers affirm and celebrate all identities.
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Things to consider for LGBTQ+ funeral planning
Members of the LGBTQ+ community may wish for traditional funerals and burials. They may want to be composted and placed in a forest rather than be buried in a casket in a cemetery. They may want to be cremated by water rather than fire and have their ashes scattered in a personally meaningful place. And when it comes to a memorial, they may want an uplifting party or somber ceremony. In this regard, members of the LGBTQ+ community are like anyone else.
No matter what end-of-life choice someone makes, planning a celebration that truly reflects the life of the person being honored is our specialty. We know just what to do to create a personalized service that speaks to a unique life.
We also understand that planning an LGBTQ+ service may involve additional concerns and questions. Here are some things we keep top of mind.
The definition of family
Families can be incredibly diverse and dynamic, reflecting the complexity of human relationships and societal norms. Whether nuclear family, extended family or chosen family, connection by any name is worthy of respect. What families have in common is that the people in them love, care for and support one another. Every family is unique, and we honor the shape of each one.
Sensitive curation of information
When planning a celebration of life, Dignity Memorial experts focus on the life being honored. We understand that everyone is a singular individual, and the life journeys of those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or any other sexual or gender minority may have been informed by painful events and periods of time that don’t accurately reflect a person.
That’s why we take the time to get to know a loved one and what that person valued most. At every step, we take great care to listen carefully and respect boundaries. In doing so, we can adapt every aspect of a service—location, decor, music, printed programs, message—to sensitively reflect the most authentic version of a loved one.
Respect for faith preferences
If spirituality or religion was important to the person being honored, we can weave spiritual concepts or important religious traditions into any celebration of life. If you wish for a member of the clergy to speak at the service and don't know one who embraces and affirms LGBTQ+ community members, we can help you find one. We can also help you find a nonreligious celebrant who can lead an event with spiritual significance.
Legal paperwork
A death certificate is an official government document stating the time, place and cause of death. The funeral home or funeral director is responsible for coordinating the death certificate process, so no family needs to navigate this on their own. Legal paperwork may include gender identity selections, and a funeral director can help with that, too. Though state laws must be followed, we guide you and your family through the process, ensuring that you understand the legal requirements and what's possible for your situation.
“Making funeral arrangements was the one aspect of this whole ordeal that was logistically easy. Choices and prices were clear and we felt no pressure whatsoever. I really felt like Alisha wanted us to have the arrangements that we wanted. Our child was trans and we were worried [about] their dignity through all of this. We felt like everyone was respectful of our child and of our loss. It’s hard to remember things in the immediate aftermath of a loved one's death, and our many repeated questions were handled with patience and care.”
—Constance M.
Real-life examples and a few ideas for LGBTQ+-focused celebrations
Our celebration of life planning experts can help you create the LGBTQ+ celebration of life you envision. Here are a few examples from services we’ve had the honor to create for members and allies of the LGBTQ+ community.
Family and community recognition
A man came to us with the wish to celebrate his longtime husband. Both he and his husband were active and beloved members of several community groups in their town, including a supper club and professional organizations.
During the celebration of life, speakers from each of those groups shared fond memories of the man who had passed away. The family made a point to address how his identity as a gay man had positively influenced each group and how, in turn, each organization had positively influenced him.
Remembering an ally
After a mother in her 80s died, her family came to us to arrange a celebration of life. Her son, who’d passed away prior to his mom, had been a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
Throughout the mother’s life, she’d become a strong ally of the LGBTQ+ community, and her family wanted to reflect that. Her heartfelt service included pride flags proudly placed around the funeral home and a large red candle display representing her support for those living with HIV and AIDS.
Support and safety
When we helped one man arrange his husband’s celebration of life, we learned that the burial would take place in a conservative church cemetery far away from their home. The man didn't know anyone local who could perform the service and committal ceremony in the area where the burial was to take place, and he was worried about a potential negative reaction by those who lived in the more conservative town.
We were glad to help him make the necessary arrangements, and several of us who'd helped plan his husband’s celebration of life traveled with him so he could feel safe and supported as he laid his loved one to rest.
Dignity Memorial providers are experts in personalization
No matter how a person lives their life, we believe in creating a customized experience. That’s why every family who entrusts us with their loved one’s service can expect an event that includes:
- Meaningful music: Families are surprised to learn that we can play any songs they’d like or a different playlist for every aspect of the celebration.
- A display of personal items: Cherished photographs and personal keepsakes invite family and friends to remember special moments and defining details.
- A personalized message: We work with a celebrant, clergy member or officiant to craft a heartfelt message that reflects your loved one and uplifts guests.
We can also help your family choose a venue, pick a theme and decide on flowers. Then we will decorate, order keepsakes and programs, and create a tribute video. Our catering partners can take care of the food and drinks, as well as the setup and cleanup. That way, guests can spend their time remembering and sharing with family and friends.
Planning ahead is a loving thing to do
Losing someone you love can be very painful. Planning your funeral in advance makes it easier on your family. In fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones is planning and funding final arrangements in advance.
There are many advantages to planning in advance, including:
Stress relief. Pre-planning is a gift to your family and friends. It gives them the chance to mourn without the added pressure of important decision-making.
Financial relief. Planning ahead eases the financial burden on loved ones, because they won't have to find the money to pay for your services. Plus, pre-planning lets you lock in today’s prices on many products and services.
Peace of mind. When you plan ahead, you ensure you’ll be remembered exactly the way you wish. If you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, this can be particularly important. Without clear directives, a legal next of kin who may not understand or support your wishes may make decisions for you. Creating a plan can mean that important choices and decisions are made only by you and those you trust.
A Dignity Memorial planning advisor can help you get started on your planning journey. Our Personal Planning Guide helps you detail your final wishes in a document loved ones can easily reference. Plus, we offer benefits no other provider can. Let us show you how today.