ArIyne Groth Malmstrom passed away peacefully at home in the arms of her husband Ed Malmstrom on May 15, 2012, in Peoria. Arlyne was born in Selby, South Dakota, on May 1, 1919, into a family who valued education and making music. She enrolled at South Dakota State College where she sang soprano, acted in plays and musicals and played the tympani in the band and orchestra. The Jack Rabbit yearbooks are testaments to her many extra-curricular activities, including leadership positions in many organizations and student government. While she began in the home economics department, she switched to General Science as a sophomore, becoming one of only three women in the chemistry club. When Ed was a teaching assistant in the physics lab, Arlyne was one of his students. Arlyne graduated in 1943 during the war years and took a job in New Jersey for Standard Oil as a chemist. While she probably worked hard, she definitely enjoyed going into New York City for opera and theater. And she loved cars! In a 1946 letter, she raved about her date’s car with great admiration, but said nothing about the poor fellow. After several years in the East, she returned to the Midwest and became a nurse. She was a graduate in the first four-year nursing program at the University of Minnesota, completing in only three years because of her prior science education.
Friends who knew Arlyne in “The West Country” of South Dakota describe her as a “pretty blue-eyed blonde with a bubbly personality and positive attitude”. One of her nursing colleagues said, “Arlyne was pretty and cultured. She went to plays and symphonies, something we had only done with our families. We all looked up to her and learned from her.” Arlyne tried working in hospitals, but could not be comfortable with juggling a large patient load with only enough time to do the basic care. She wanted to give the best care for each patient--an impossible task. No surprise that she asked to take on a special duty patient, the most difficult one they could find. Milt Schilling was a young jazz drummer who suffered an accident and became a quadriplegic who was unable to walk, use his arms, feed himself, or speak clearly. For a time she cared for him while also working part time in a doctor’s office. At some point, he was placed in a nursing home. As her colleague recalls, Arlyne told her friends that she thought Milt would die there and that she needed to make a decision very soon. She said, “If I take him on, it will be my decision for life.” It was 1951, and she was 32. Arlyne took Milt on and in a big way. While his own family, musician friends, and Arlyne’s later acquaintances helped to support him financially, Arlyne took wonderful personal care of Milt. She had to do everything for him, including repositioning him every 2 hours. They went on road trips across the US--she driving and he reading the maps. They visited musicians in Texas and enjoyed jazz music together. At some point she won a TV quiz show prize for a two-week vacation in Arizona. But to get to Arizona, she had to assure the plane attendants that Milt would not have an emergency on the plane. They had a great time and decided to move here in the mid 60‘s. Arlyne became a visiting nurse, covering Maricopa County and up to Wickenburg. Milt, with a water bottle propped beside him, made the rounds with her. Although she had suitors, no one wanted to also marry Milt. And she was going to keep Milt going as long and as well as she could. When people asked her why she did it, she replied, “He always thanks me”. Milt passed away in 1997, 46 years after Arlyne committed herself to providing for him. What a remarkable story of loyalty and persistence!
Ed’s first wife was Elda, a Home Ec classmate and close friend of Arylene; in fact, Arlyne was Elda’s bridesmaid in 1944. Over the years they stayed in touch with “round robin letters” and then later while in the Phoenix area. After nearly a decade of living with Alzhieimer’s, Elda passed away the same summer as Milt. Arlyne and Ed found themselves without caregiving responsibilities and found each other. On February 14, 1998, at 78 years of age, Arlyne got married!
By the summer, Arlyne was on a ventilator for 6 weeks with viral pneumonia and also suffered a stroke. Months of rehab followed, and eventually many of the deficits were overcome. She could swallow again and walk. She even traveled with Ed to visit his family in Sweden and San Francisco and to family get-togethers in Nebraska, San Diego and Oregon.
Arlyne’s loyalty to Milt and her patients, her love for Ed, her exuberance for life and her optimistic can-do attitude have inspired all who hear her remarkable story. In her later years when speech was difficult and memory fading, she remained characteristically appreciative and upbeat. “Isn’t that wonderful!” was a familiar phrase. And no one will ever forget her smile, a warm and generous smile that made us all smile back. You are home, Angel.
Ed wishes to thank caregivers Jolene, Libby, Effie and many others for their kind support of Arlyne in her last years.
On May 19, Arlyne was remembered at Desert Palms Presbyterian Church; she was buried at Sunland Memorial Park next to Milton Schilling. Donations in Arlyne's name may be made to Benevilla, a non-profit community support organization. P.O. Box 8450, Surprise, AZ 85374.
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