Edward "Ed" H. Choate, Jr.

I don’t know where to begin. If he were here he’d say his life began with me. But that’s not true.

He was born at Alameda Naval Air Station, in Alameda on Oct. 15th 1951. His father was military, and they moved from place to place, including living in Alaska before it was a state! His parents divorced, and he lived with his father and stepmom for a few years, and some time with his mom and stepdad. Both fathers were great influences, and taught him some truly strong family and work ethics.

He has a big family. There were 12 children between biological and stepchildren. Ed fit somewhere in the middle. But, he was very close with his sister Susan. The spent a lot of time together.

Ed tells me of a certain question Susan asked him. I shall not put the exact words in here, they are a little graphic.

Susan told me about them driving down the street, and stopped at a light Susan yelled to the car next to her “Hey, had a good time last night”. She didn’t know them at all, it was just a way to embarrass Ed. Which it did.

Susan once got so mad at Ed that she broke a case of light bulbs over Ed’s head! I wonder what he said to deserve that!

Ed graduated from Buena Park High School in 1969. He married his high school sweetheart that year. They didn’t have any children, and were divorced a few years later.

Ed was married to Cindy about 1973. Thye had a daughter, Jessica (we would find out 12 years later that she wasn’t his). They had a son, Edward H. Choate, III in 1975. The separated a few years later.

He met and eventually married a woman named Melody. She said that she’d never been married and wanted to know what it was like. They were married 2 weeks and she informed poor Ed that marriage wasn’t for her, and packed and left.

I met Ed in 1979 when he was married to Dawn. He worked 2 jobs. Driving a truck during the day, and working as a security guard at the apartment complex where we all lived. I didn’t live there at the time, but was down visiting my mom. I had a little girl by then, Debbie. She was my pride and joy. My mom was the manager, so Ed would come to check in with my mom every evening around 10:00. After they discussed whatever the news was that day, Ed would carry Debbie around for a few minutes telling her that he would “wait” for her. She loved him immediately. Ed would then ask me if I wanted to take a shower! I would laugh at him, tell him no and to go away, he would shake my hand and leave. Eventually my boyfriend moved down and began working there as well. We lived in an upstairs apt, and they lived downstairs.

We once stole a refrigerator together, but we didn’t know we were stealing it. It was left in an apt. in our complex. We were told by the asst. manager that the tenants had turned in their keys and left the fridge. We moved it into my place, and my boyfriend and I left for the weekend. When we got back Ed was waiting up for us and told us that the police had come looking for the fridge but couldn’t get into my apartment to verify that it was there. We moved the fridge out and down the stairs, and left it there! The owners came and got it, and since they couldn’t prove that I had it in my place, no charges were file. Thank goodness. My boyfriend and I moved back to Northern Calif soon after that.

My boyfriend and I broke up in Dec. 1979 and I moved to Southern California to be with my mother in Feb. 1980. I had heard that Ed and Dawn were separated. But, since I was friends with both of them, I wrote a letter to them both stating that I was sorry this had happened to them, and would love to stay in contact with both of them. Since they had a p.o. box I just sent the letter to both of them there. Ed got the mail.

I was in the bedroom straightening up when I saw Ed running up to the door! I assumed he was excited to see my mom, since they lost contact, but it was me he came to see. I guess he remembered the handshakes.

We began formally seeing each other on the 25th of Feb. 1980. He was playing basketball with my brother and some of my brother’s friends. I was sitting on a picnic table, watching. It was really cold, and I was wearing a coat, but was still cold. The guys playing basketball were all wearing jackets. All except for Ed. He had his cowboy boots on, and jeans, no jacket and was sweating. STEAM was rising off the top of his head! One of the funniest things I’ve seen. After the game was over, he came over to where I was sitting. And turned shy. I ended up having to kiss him.

Once we got back to my mom’s house, he got a call about a truck driving run that he was slated to take. He wanted me to know that he’d be back, so he dropped a ring down the front of my shirt. Problem was, it was the wedding band from his marriage to Dawn! At least I hoped he would come back. And he did.

We moved in together pretty early. April 1st of 1980. For some reason I just knew that he’d be with me forever. I just knew. He loved Debbie dearly. She immediately started calling him daddy all the time we were referring to him as Ed. I guess she knew too. We settled into what some would call a married life, even though we weren’t married.

We had a son on October 30, 1981. He got sick the following January, and since we weren’t married, the rules back then didn’t allow for Ed to sign any of the paperwork. He threw a fit! “That is bull***! We’re getting married!! That is bull****” That is pretty much how I got asked to marry him. We were married in Las Vegas May 29th 1982.

Ed went to work for Con-Way Western Express in May of 1983. He was the 1st driver hired for the whole company, but was the 2nd driver made permanent, by a day. The 1st driver was Scott Kemp, in Fresno. He ended up working for Con-Way for about 31 years. And would have been there longer had it not been for tearing his rotator cuff.

We lived in that little apartment, for 4 years. We got custody of Ed’s kids, still living in that 2 bedroom place. The girls slept in one room, the boys slept in the other, and Ed and I slept on the hide-a-bed in the living room. We lost custody when we were accused of child abuse ourself. Cindy, the kid's mother later admitted in court that she lied. It was during all of those court proceedings that we found out that Jessica wasn’t his daughter. We ended up with permanent custody of Eddie a short time later.

We moved to Hanford August 26th, 1986 (Happy Birthday Patti!). I cracked up at how he and his nephew loaded the truck. I left before they were finished loading, because it was a 4 hour drive. Took the kids and a very upset cat with us. When they pulled up and Ed opened the trailer door, stuff fell out! He folded our mattress in half! It never laid flat again. But, we made it. We were determined to give our kids what we couldn’t do down south, a home.

Our youngest son, George was in kindergarten when we moved here. Debbie was in 4th grade, and Eddie was in 6th grade. They loved this house! Debbie had her own room, and the boys shared, but the room was much bigger. We had a huge back yard that the kids loved. Ed and I enjoyed watching the kids ride their bikes up and down the street. Something they couldn’t do before. I loved Ed for this move. Because he really moved for me. I got a promotion and transfer with the company I worked for. Luckily, Ed was able to transfer to the Con-Way in Fresno, so it worked out. My job fell thru right before we moved and Ed said “don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out”. He figured it out. He always did.

So life went on, we had a few camping trips, trips to the coast, watched our kids grow up and graduate. Took a few cruises too. He always “worked it out”. I didn’t even think about bills. I knew that he would always take care of me.

In 2013 he pulled his rotator cuff. And from then till 2016 he had 4 shoulder surgeries trying to make the pain go away. We found out in 2016 that the last shoulder surgery was done incorrectly, so 4 days before Thanksgiving he had to have surgery to remove the incorrect hardware and place a “spacer” in his shoulder area. It was really hard for him to deal with because it was his right shoulder that was a mess, and, he was right handed. I called him my left hand man! He hated having to use his left because he was so clumsy. But, he still cooked for me, he still did the dishes, and folded laundry or vacuumed, anything I needed done. Because he knew what my pain was like.

It drove him crazy because I had to drive him those last couple of weeks. But, he’d had some issues and just wasn’t physically able to drive. But, he bit his tongue and let me take care of him for once. Remember me mentioning his father and stepfather that taught him strong family values and work ethics? They taught him to take care of his family first, and his needs were last. I don’t know if all these things that happened to him were just waiting to come out, or if it was something that he got all at once. All I know is that he said he would look into his health issues, but “one at a time Terry, one at a time”. He was tested for the Leukemia about 6 weeks before he became ill, and it showed nothing. Yet, when tested in the hospital, there it was.

Again, the Leukemia was a surprise, as were his liver and kidneys malfunctioning. I knew instantly that he had a stroke, the way he was acting was just different. But, to combine this stuff all together was just mind blowing. He didn’t know almost anyone, with exception of our daughter Debbie, our granddaughter Kylah, our son-in-law Robert, and our niece Liz. In fact, he didn’t always know who I was. He knew “wife” or “T”, and once “girlfriend”, but that's ok. I think deep in his mind he knew. He knew.

The problem that we had was that each disease or illness was trying to take out the other diseases/illnesses. He had a 2nd stroke the Saturday before he died. He lost his sight at that time. He could hear me but he couldn’t find me. That was when he just went to sleep and didn’t wake up. Although he let them know when the hospital staff hurt him.

On Monday the 17th, I elected to put him on comfort care. All the machines were turned off, all the IV’s removed, with exception for 1 which was for pain medication. We had talked about this over and over and he didn’t want to be stuck to machines, so he could be a pet. He didn’t want people touching him and trying to wake him up so they could say “do you know who I am?” This had happened. So, I gave him the only gift I could give him, and that was to let him go. It was really quite peaceful. No noise, just us talking, quietly.

Liz and I spent the night with him. Debbie was beyond exhaustion. Early that morning we could tell that his breathing was different. The Dr. confirmed that. He thought that it would be sometime that day or the next.

Then Ed opened his eyes. I could tell that he wasn’t really seeing, but at least he was looking. Liz was telling him not to worry, that they would take care of me. I was holding his right hand. I leaned down and whispered into his ear, I said “it’s ok Ed, I’ll be ok, you just rest, if you need to go rest, you just go. Ed stopped breathing right then. It was like he was waiting for my permission to go! If I had known that, I’d have whispered that to him days before, so he didn’t have to go thru what he did. After all, he had both strokes with me, he recognized me on the 2nd day they took him to the restroom. On the way back, he saw me, and he started screaming “Terry! Terry!” He hugged me so tight and said he was sorry he couldn’t give me the life I deserved.

I have this to say to you Edward, you gave me the BEST life a woman could ask for. I never wanted for anything, nor did I want anything. I got the best thing in life and that was you! I got you! Was only 37 years, but they were awesome years! Man we had fun!! You taught me how to use forks at fancy restaurants, you taught me when to keep my mouth shut, mostly. But you taught me how to love, and what love really meant. You taught me how to live, but you didn’t teach me how to live without you. How do I do that hon? I will love you always. I can’t wait to see you in heaven, where we will be together again. So long for now, my friend, my lover, my husband.