Penny McClurg Dombrow

Penny (nee, McClurg) Dombrow, age 69. Beloved wife of Anthony Dombrow; loving daughter of William and the late Jeanne McClurg; cherished mother of Ashley and step-mother of Joshua (Kim); devoted sister of Christine (Barrie) Nearey; also survived by many dear family and friends. Funeral services, Tuesday, May 22, 2012, 11 am at Weinstein Funeral Home, 111 Skokie Blvd, Wilmette, IL, 847-256-5700. Entombment, Memorial Park Cemetery Mausoleum, Skokie, IL. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions in Penny's name may be made to Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center Lung Cancer Program, mskcc.org, 866-815-9501. www.weinsteinfuneralhomes.com

Obituary by beloved husband, Anthony Dombrow-

For a long time, I have dreaded that this day would come. I just hope that I can do justice to Penny in this Eulogy.

When my father gave some remarks at Josh’s Bar Mitzvah party about 26 years ago, he first made some comments about Penny, who almost single-handedly put on an incredible party when she had very little time to do so. He admiringly referred to her as “The Amazing Penny.” You need to know that my Dad had very high standards of excellence. So, when he paid a compliment like that, you knew that Penny was, indeed, amazing.

And, she was – to the very end.

Although it is painful to me, I need to share with you some of the ordeal which Penny endured over the past 5 years. Because it is a testament to her heroism, courage, grace and character.

It began one evening in early August of 2007, when we were planning a trip to Spain with our very close friends the Fischers and the Turners. Penny had just seen her new internist for a check-up. He called that evening and said there was a very troubling mass in her left lung and immediate tests would be needed to confirm if it was a malignancy.

A week or two thereafter, it was confirmed that she had aggressive small cell cancer in the left lung. Penny then underwent a grueling three to four months of chemotherapy and radiation. I remember the first time I brought her home from her chemo treatment. For some reason, she insisted on walking up our long driveway to the house, but she fainted and collapsed, and I had to carry her inside.

After the chemo and radiation, her doctors said her large mass had shrunk substantially, but they recommended surgery to remove some suspicious remnants. In January 2008, Penny had surgery on her left lung. The surgeon came to her hospital room the next day and reported that they could see no sign of residual cancer. We were elated beyond belief. It was like being given a second chance at life.

But that elation was short-lived. Because, two days later, her lung started to leak badly, when the seal from the surgery did not hold. Several weeks later, a second and more debilitating surgery was performed on her left lung.

She began to recuperate and rehabilitate herself, and we even planned to take a short trip with my sister and brother-in-law in late March. As a result of the chemo, radiation and surgeries, Penny needed supplemental oxygen to enable her to breathe and travel.

While a nurse was at our house to give her this oxygen for travel, the nurse became alarmed that Penny was weak and pale. We rushed her to the emergency room. It was then determined that Penny had a blood disease where she did not have enough platelets to enable her blood to clot. While a normal person may have around 150,000 platelets, Penny had only 2,000. If she were cut, she could bleed to death.

For the next year to year and a half, we went to the doctor once a week or once every two weeks – always with the anxiety that we would learn if Penny had enough platelets or if she would have to be admitted to the hospital for a life-saving transfusion. And, she was in the hospital countless times for necessary transfusions.

Her wonderful doctor, Dr. Adi Gidron, tried numerous ways to cure the blood disease. Each one failed. But, about a week before the last alternative failed, the FDA approved a new drug called NPlate which Dr. Gidron was able to administer and which miraculously controlled the condition and enabled Penny to live.

But, at all times in the house and whenever she left the house, because of the damage to her lungs from chemo, radiation and surgeries, Penny always needed the assistance of supplemental oxygen. How she hated and was embarrassed to be seen in public with the tube in her nose which provided her with needed oxygen. I would repeatedly tell her that I was not embarrassed to be seen in public with her, that she was still beautiful, and that I was proud she was my wife. But, she felt so compromised by that equipment.

The point is, over the past 5 years, Penny would wake up every morning with three swords over her head. Would the cancer return? Would her blood be able to clot so she wouldn’t bleed to death if she were cut? Would she have enough oxygen to breathe? However, few, if any, people would have known about those fears, because she rarely revealed them. So many people would tell me that they spoke to her and that she sounded great!

And, in the last month and a half, when cancer re-appeared and spread uncontrollably, and Penny was in constant intense pain, and after her doctors spoke to her about a breathing tube and hospice, she said to me at various times:

- I am not going to die.

- Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.

- I will surprise people.

Her heroism, tenacity, courage, dignity and class against unimaginable odds, and through some peaks but many valleys, were truly amazing!

Over these grueling years, a number of people have complimented me about my strength. The fact is that my strength came predominantly from Penny.

Many of you may not know how Penny and I met.

Our law firm had just begun to represent a widespread retail chain of about 40 to 50 home care centers in the Chicago metropolitan area in the latter part of the 1970’s. No employees in Illinois were unionized, but the employees at one of its home care centers were being organized by a Union.

When I went to meet this client for the first time, they told me that they had already determined that the reason for the organizing was the unpopular store manager. So, they had decided to replace him with the best manager, with the best people skills, in the entire chain. It was a male-dominated business where men were in just about every key position. So, when they told me about this new store manager who would be thrust into this important role, I asked: “Who is he?”

An instant later, the door opened and in walked this petite, beautiful, self-assured and extroverted woman who was introduced to me as Penny McClurg – our new store manager.

From that point, we worked together on this case --- which the Company ultimately won so unionization was avoided.

I have three memories about working with Penny on that case.

First, she was totally committed to winning and to doing it lawfully, and she would not accept losing – which, as far as I am concerned, is a great quality.

Second, unlike most of my clients, she didn’t merely accept my recommendations on strategy and approaches. Instead, she questioned them and made me prove they were right – which was a quality I wasn’t so crazy about! There were times when I thought to myself: “Who does she think she is – because I’m the “expert”.” The problem was that, upon reflection, she was often right.

And, third, in addition to being so intelligent, Pen had such a practical sense about people. For example, I remember one afternoon we met at our Firm’s office in the IBM Building. It was an election day in Chicago. There is a long curving driveway in front of the IBM Building on the Wabash side. Of course, it is a No Parking zone. We walked out of the building together because she was going her way and I was driving home. And, in this driveway, this No Parking zone, was Penny’s company car, which had been there for a few hours during our meeting. I said something to her like: What are you doing? You’ll definitely have a ticket. Penny rolled her eyes and responded in her inimitable way: They’re not going to give me a ticket in Chicago on an election day and risk alienating a voter. Of course, she had no ticket.

Fortunately, for me, I met her again after that union organizing campaign. It evolved into a courtship and a trip to Stowe, Vermont where I proposed to her – expecting we would get married months later. Well, as was her custom of pushing the envelope, she said to me: Why don’t we just get married here in Vermont? I was a little speechless and said something nonsensical like: Well, I don’t think they will recognize it in Illinois. Which she had no part of. And, we were married three days later in the Stowe, Vermont – the beginning of a marriage of 34 years between two strong-willed partners. And, while it inevitably wasn’t an absolutely perfect marriage, it was a great marriage.

Penny was amazing in so many ways. Just look at some of the things she built.

She built an enviable and proud career in the business world – which was no small feat for a petite woman in the 1970’s and early 1980’s. She was promoted to District Manager / Regional Manager positions in that widespread and large Chicago retail chain I mentioned earlier. After she elected to leave them, she had high level sales or managerial positions at other companies—until she just got tired of the business world.

But that’s not all she built. She had a strength of purpose and physical strength that went far beyond her slight 5 foot 98 pound frame.

I remember in the late 1980’s, when we lived in Glencoe, we were expecting a visit from my father. The end of our driveway curved before reaching a detached garage and large trees were planted around the curve and a deck. Penny had felt the trees were not secure. In the days before my father’s visit, I had to go out of town on business. Penny decided to build a 3 to 4 foot tall wall with slabs of stone along the 25 to 30 foot curve. She made countless trips to a stone quarry on Highway 41, from which she transported hundreds of slabs of stone in her car (not a pick-up), and proceeded to single-handedly build a sturdy and artistic wall in two days. So, when I left there was no wall and when I returned there was one. And, not just any wall. My Dad marveled even more. You see, when I grew up in Manhattan, we had a Superintendent in our apartment building who did everything of a manual nature – including screwing in light bulbs. So, in my Dad’s eyes and in my eyes, it was pretty amazing that Penny single-handedly build this wall in just 2 days.

And, then, in the summer of 2004, Penny and Ashley went on a Habitat for Humanity trip to Fairbanks, Alaska where they helped to build a house from scratch for a needy single mom and her family. Penny was one of the volunteers who built the roof in 100° heat (one of the hottest summers Fairbanks has ever had) – which she said was one of the most gratifying things she had ever done.

But, she had so many other dimensions, such great taste, such sophistication, and so much talent. From the purely physical to the artistic.

After she first got sick in 2007 and her physical ability and endurance were restricted, she took up painting and went to art classes. She had a natural gift. She painted a number of great pieces – primarily landscapes and still lifes. Ashley and I would constantly ask her to hang them in our house because we were so proud of them. But, in her own self-effacing way, she would not do it—because she felt that she had not yet perfected her skills. The fact is that, at age 69, her life was prematurely cut short in so many ways – only one of which was she was prevented from really developing her obvious talent as an artist.

Her strengths and her dimensions as a person went so far beyond all this. She had such an undeniable strength of character and commitment.

In the summer of 2007, Ash turned 21. We had promised her a huge indoor-outdoor party at our house for her friends – with music, entertainment and bartenders. We were making all the elaborate preparations for it. And, then, shortly before the party, we received that call from her new internist when we learned about the troubling mass in her lung and that Penny likely had lung cancer. I asked her if she wanted to call off the party. She would hear nothing of it. Nothing would prevent us from finishing all the planning and preparations and from having the party – which we had promised Ash. And, what a great party it was! Probably about 75 well-behaved young adults who partied from about 9:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. – indoors and outdoors – in clear skies and rain – about 50 of whom slept in our house that night and morning. But, to me, the most significant and memorable thing was Penny would not let a virulent and obscene disease, which was confirmed several days later, prevent us from honoring a commitment to Ash.

The commitment to that party was just a small reflection of the premium Penny placed on family and on building a relationship with Ashley – to the point of being almost the perfect Mom.

While Josh was my child from a different marriage, Penny was always concerned about him, a fierce supporter of him, and an ardent advocate for him – just as if Josh were her own child. It was very important to Penny that Josh and his wife Kim be with us as a family for a Passover Seder last month. So, even though we took her to the emergency room for several hours on April 5 and even though she stood for the next two days in intense pain to prepare it, nothing was going to prevent her from having that Seder, and she did.

Ashley is the child of our marriage, and Ash was and is the greatest gift to Penny. After Ash’s graduation from her prep school in Connecticut, we gave her a small party. I first spoke at great length about all of Ash’s academic and athletic achievements over those 4 years – which were truly incredible – like great grades and winning 12 varsity letters in soccer, volleyball and tennis. Penny then stood up and, in her direct and brief and effective way, said it all. She said: “Anyone who knows me knows that I am Ashley’s greatest fan.” She was really one of Ashley’s two greatest fans.

And, she will always be one of Ashley’s two greatest Fans. It is hard to imagine a more honorable, loving, caring, communicative and respectful relationship between a mother and a daughter.

I am sure that, of all her great strengths and dimensions as a person, Penny would want to be most remembered as a great Mom – and she was. And, the fact is that the best monument that Penny ever built is Ashley.

This is not to say or imply that Penny had no faults. She did. The most glaring one, in my eyes, was her refusal to move up to Madison, Wisconsin. She knew that, as a fanatical Badger, I would be at every football game, basketball game (men’s’ and women’s), hockey game (men’s and women’s), and more. Unfortunately, she was too smart and savvy not to see through my agenda.

Even though we never did move to Madison, we had a great marriage and life together. We had great experiences and trips. But, one of my serious regrets, over which I will never forgive myself, is not taking Penny, when she was well, to places in the world that she aspired to visit – like the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, the Lascaux prehistoric caves in France. I just hope that, in other respects, until the very end, I showed the love, affection, care and concern which she deserved.

I often said to Penny that sports is life. Many times, in the past, I was kidding. Today, I am very serious.

On July 4, 1939, the great Yankee first baseman Lou Gehrig, who had to retire because he knew he was dying at a young age from what was later called Lou Gehrig’s disease, made his farewell to a jam- packed Yankee Stadium and said: “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

Well, today, in the absolute worst of times, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth:

- how lucky I am to have met the Amazing Penny in the first place.

- it was so easy to fall in love with her, but how lucky I am that she fell in love with me.

- how lucky I am that she married me and that we were married for 34 years – during many great years and even in the last few heart-breaking years.

- and, how lucky I am to have spent over ½ of my life with the Amazing Penny.

As one of Penny’s dear friends put it when she said her good-bye: “You are so beloved.”

I will miss you deeply sweetheart.