Patricia McVea Stokes

Patricia “Pat” McVea Stokes of Calabasas, California passed away peacefully from complications due to Myelodysplastic syndrome (bone marrow cancer) on August 22, 2024, at the age of 91. She is survived by her son Sanford, daughter-in-law Lisha, and grandchildren Caroline (age 13) and Callen (age 11). She is preceded in death by her beloved husband of over 50 years – Hayman Wilson Stokes (2018), brother Charles Edward McVea (March, 2024), and son, Bryan Wilson Stokes (April, 2024).

My mother lived a remarkable, Christ-centered, life filled with optimism, adventure, humor, and service to others. Herein are some highlights I recently extracted from her combined with my own commentary. Her humility and selfless nature (and a bit of memory loss) no doubt shielded me from other noteworthy details.

The Early Years

Patricia Anne “Patsy Anne” McVea was born in Ancon, Panama (Panama Canal Zone) on June 4, 1933, to Army Air Corps Colonel Andrew Jackson “A.J.” McVea and Alice Langham McVea. At the age of 18 months, her father was transferred from Panama to Randolph Field in San Antonio, Texas where the family lived for four years. She did not go to kindergarten – Alice was a schoolteacher and didn’t particularly care for kindergarten believing it would lead to the child not liking school. In retrospect, my mom always loved school so was convinced her mom made a good decision. My mother’s only real memory of San Antonio was making mud pies with Frankie Harrison who was her best friend.

The family moved to Parkridge, Chicago where she attended 1st grade and then on to Albany, Georgia for 2nd grade. That summer, they moved to Augusta, Georgia but soon after were off to San Bernadino, California where she attended the 3rd grade. Next up was Merced, California where she attended 4th and 5th grade and then Marin County, California for her 6th and 7th grades. The teacher in Marin County convinced Alice that Patsy Anne should skip the 8th grade. It was a small school and the teacher said she’d taught her all she had to teach. (impressive!)

Mom’s high school days began in San Rafael, California. After her first semester, the family was moved to Norfolk, Virginia. Norfolk was followed by a short move to Newport News, Virginia where she finished up her sophomore year and completed the first semester of her junior year. The family moved back to San Antonio for the 2nd semester of her junior year. All of this was about the time that her father was fighting in the Pacific during World War II. He didn’t speak much of the War other than to once say “if everyone could go to war, we wouldn’t have any”.

In the summer following her junior year, my mom was accepted to and was planning to attend Wellesley College in Massachusetts. In a turn of fate, her father was transferred to London, England so the family all moved to London. There she attended Notting Hill and Ealing High School for Girls for her senior year. She played field hockey and loved it. Mom loved England except for the cold. She remembered running up and down stairs between classes to keep warm. One of her teachers was named Miss Wigglesworth – my mother thought that last name was most unfortunate - but hilarious.

While at Notting Hill and Ealing, she was selected for and presented to King George at a debutante ball at Buckingham Palace. Part of the presentation required my mother to curtsy before the King, something she was not comfortable doing and is convinced she looked ridiculous. On the contrary, I’m certain she was poised and elegant.

Instead of returning to the U.S. to attend Wellesley College, my mother decided to further explore her love of acting. She applied to and was accepted into the prestigious Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA) in London. RADA accepted only a few Americans per year, so it was quite the honor. She remembered one time rushing down a hallway late for class, turning a corner and smashing right into none other than Vivian Leigh and Sir Laurence Olivier who were there visiting their daughter. “Joan Collins was in the grade ahead– she was very attractive and graceful.”

After receiving her two-year degree from RADA, mom flew back to live with A.J. and Alice. A.J. was stationed at Wright Patterson Airforce Base in Dayton, Ohio. A.J. was the commanding officer (head policeman) for the base. Mom worked on the base as a secretary – she took typing and shorthand at a secretary school. Mom lived there for a couple of years and did some acting at the Dayton Theatre Guild.

It wasn’t long before Mom moved “out of the house” to Cleveland appearing in various productions at the Cleveland Playhouse, then “took her talents” to New York City where she acted on various Off-Broadway shows. She was advised to get an agent to advance her career, but since she got every role she tried-out for, she figured there was little point. She worked for Manpower as a temp. to support herself. She absolutely loved New York but said one needs to be young! “People are very purposeful and walking very quickly with their briefcases.”

At the age of 25, mom moved to Hollywood because she wanted to be in film. She lived in an apartment on Argyle Street with a friend whom she had met at the Cleveland Playhouse. But again, she didn’t get an agent, and this time that was a poor choice, and made it incredibly challenging to break-in. Mom acted in various plays at theatres in the area while working for Aetna Insurance and then Western Electronics. She entered a few pageants (won one!) and appeared in a few TV and radio commercials along the way. She owned an MG T-type sports car and would race all around Hollywood and earned “more than one” speeding ticket.

Faith, Family and Service

In 1958, my mom started attending Hollywood Presbyterian Church. They had an excellent singles ministry and fantastic choir. She soon joined the Church and the Ambassadors class led by Henrietta Mears. Ambassadors included over 750 single, young people from all over LA. Ambassadors is where she met my father in addition to many others who would remain her friends for life. My mother and father were engaged less than a year later and married 6 months after that (Mom really wanted a September wedding but Dad pleaded “I’ve waited long enough”… so they got married in June).

In December 1965, Mom and Dad moved to a new home in Calabasas where dad took the job as General Manager and Chief Engineer of the Las Virgenes Municipal Water District.

Despite the considerable commute, Mom and Dad remained active members of their beloved Hollywood Presbyterian Church to the end. Her service included a term as a Deacon and later an Elder. Mom’s faith grew tremendously over the decades as a member of the Voyagers Sunday School class. She and my father routinely volunteered their time to Voyagers and served in various leadership positions. They also worked for decades with a friend’s charity Russia for Christ, Inc. – a non-profit dedicated to sharing the gift of Christ in the Soviet Union during the Cold War.

Another passion of my mom’s was classical music. She loved opera and orchestral music the most. Sometime in the 70s she joined and became heavily active in a volunteer organization called the Valley Juniors. The Valley Juniors were dedicated to supporting the music programs at underprivileged schools while also serving as the fundraising arm for the Los Angeles Philharmonic. At some point about 20 years ago during a Board meeting, someone suggest that since there wasn’t a sole member under the age of 60, they should probably re-brand to Encore and they reluctantly did. Her service and contributions to Encore continued until just a few years ago.

My mom also volunteered her time first as a coach and later in various management roles for AYSO Youth Soccer including a stint as a Regional Commissioner (which led to her arranging for me to serve as soccer ball boy during the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics!). She and my father both served on the Board of the neighborhood associations of Saratoga Hills for decades.

In retirement, Pat and Will traveled throughout North and Central America, Europe, Africa, Israel, Australia, New Zealand and China. The past 10 years included lots of trips to Georgia to see Sanford, Lisha, and the grandchildren.

My mother was always there for my brother and me - believing in us, inspiring us, demonstrating extreme patience when needed, and supporting us in our many endeavors. She touched the lives of many and will be remembered for her strong faith and optimism. I know of at least a few people who credit her with leading them to Christ. She was a beautiful and elegant lady, a woman of strong character, integrity, honesty, and decency, and those who knew her have been blessed.

Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away.”