Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come…” - W.H. Auden
I don’t know how to write an obituary.
Elaine is gone.
And that deserves a story.
Elaine Radjewski was born on January 26,1939 in Passaic New Jersey to Helene, née, Hoffman and Eugene Radjewsky. Raised in an Italian and Polish project in Garfield N.J. with her younger brother Roger, it was there that she met her future husband, Joseph “Buddy” Catanzaro when she was fourteen. They were married for twenty-five years before parting ways, remaining close friends until his passing in 2020.
In 1957, Elaine graduated with a full academic scholarship in math from Pope Pius XII High School in Passaic, N.J.. Opting to forgo the opportunity and instead work to help put Buddy through college. In 1972, they purchased a house at 38 Fox Trail Road in Sparta, where she raised her two children, Susan Helene and Eugene Joseph. Elaine supported and defended the bilevel house with red shutters, for fifty years.
Elaine was a gifted painter, musician, seamstress and home improvement do it yourself-er, decades before YouTube made it popular. She fervidly knitted hats and scarves for what seemed like the entire eastern seaboard, who wore them proudly.
She loved Rock and Roll and adventures with her enthusiastic and fiercely loyal friend, Trudie Lehman of Ogdensburg. Calling themselves “Thelma and Louise”, they traversed long distances to see The Rolling Stones, Springsteen and Queen. Trudie’s husband, Peter Lehman always on standby to lend a hand or simply look on with supportive amusement.
Her next door neighbors, Bill and Lisa Annunziata watched over Elaine with the love and devotion of surrogate children. Standing in at times for Susan and Eugene as they pursued their education and careers.
Elaine was the best audience. She was full of mischief and good humor. If you had an iffy joke, or some “good goss”, you’d go looking for Elaine. If you got a new hairstyle or handbag that you couldn’t wait for someone to compliment, you’d go looking for Elaine.
If you didn’t want anyone telling you to “get out of bed and stop feeling sorry for yourself”, best to leave Elaine out of it.
Elaine got sober in the early 80’s and helped countless others do the same through what she referred to as, “tough love”. And if you were loved by Elaine, you could expect your dose.
She exposed Susan and Eugene to the arts by performing as a family in local plays at Cornerstone Playhouse and Pegasus Players. Teaching them by example to friend the friendless, help the suffering, accept everyone equally, whether they belonged to the club or not. To be humble, unpretentious, polite, courteous and to respect their elders. To know God and discipline, shake hands with adults. To not run around in a restaurant, embarrass themselves, or her. That actions had consequences. "When you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything.” “Never to show up empty handed.” And that life, hate to break it to ya, isn’t fair.
As a single Mother, Elaine worked two jobs, first at A&L Plastics in Fredon and Macy’s in Rockaway. Her final years of employment were spent at The Center For Prevention in Newton, before reluctantly retiring at 81.
She required her teenaged children to work part-time in order to purchase their own cars and clothes. Because people value things that they work for.
They didn’t throw parties in Elaine’s house. Or crash her car. They wouldn’t have dared. Ever-reminded of how many hours their Mother would have to work to replace something.
Tough? Sure. Regrettable? You be the judge.
Eugene Catanzaro put himself through college and is now the Director of Curriculum and Instruction at Middlesex County Magnet Schools. Responsible for the educational paths and futures of thousands of New Jersey children to great success.
Susan Catanzaro is a Grammy-nominated songwriter, screenwriter and vocalist, receiving international acclaim touring and recording albums with the bands Elaine had once waited in line to see.
Elaine is survived by her sister, Genevieve Youngmenn-Mayarosi of Port St. Lucie Florida. Elaine and Gen were very close and enjoyed yearly Summer visits when their children were young.
But perhaps her most profound joys came by way of Eugene’s son and only grandchild, Timothy Ryan Walsh. A Citadel graduate who now works at the Pentagon. h Her many nieces and nephews along with Trudie’s three children, Samarra, Austin and Max.
All were showered with gifts and goodies for every occasion.
And of course, her beloved Yorkie Grandpups, Lucy and Scooter, who she refused to call “dogs” because it didn’t do them justice in her eyes. Ewan and Alastair, her beautiful Grandcats, who received stockings full of toys every Christmas.
(Breaking the fourth wall now)
On September 17th at 9AM, God called Mom home.
She was 84.
Three minutes after I began writing this, I typed a bit about what I felt was an interesting and little-known-fact about Mom. The power immediately shut off in my house.
I stopped, sat for a beat. Only after I yelled, “Fine, I’ll leave it out” did the power go back on. (Sorry Lake Mohawk for any inconvenience. Hopefully it was just my house.)
That was Mom.
She made up words - had nicknames for everyone - taught me to Jitterbug in our living room - celebrated every graduation, milestone and achievement of those she cherished with the beaming pride of a thousand suns. Her Christmas Eve’s were legendary. We’ll be doing it at my house this year in her honor, with a place set for Mom and the traditional empty seat for anyone who needs someplace to go. I’ll make the lasagna Ma. But it won’t be as good as yours.
Mommy,
You went away long before you closed your eyes. We have missed you for years and will continue to forever. Your friends are too many to name. The lives you touched, the people you made smile. And the lessons, oh so many lessons, we all learned from you.
Eugene and I are united in our grief as we plan your last party. Then it’s back to the business of making you proud.
Love your guts.
COMPARTA UN OBITUARIO
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