People often ask how a person dies but I can tell you how Shirley Tam had lived her life.
In the book of Dao De Jing written by the Chinese Sage Laozi, it says “He who does not lose his center endures, he who dies yet remain has long life.”
In the year 2013 she was diagnosed of cancer. She said to me that she didn’t have much time to finish her prison visitation program to visit the total 36 prisons in the state of California. After the surgery and chemotherapy, she had set up her goal how to achieve her destiny.
Maria Lixian Gee-Schweiger, the chairwoman of the non-profit organization the Chinese Writers Association of America knew Shirley very well. Maria wrote the following article about our truly loved sister Shirley titled, “The Power of Compassion.”
By Daniel S. Tam
The Power of Compassion
----The Story of an Ordinary Woman Who Saved Thousands of Incarcerated Individuals
By Maria Lixian Gee-Schweiger
She is about to leave this world—today, tomorrow, the day after? I do not know. It has been eleven years since she was informed that she had cancer, and yet she is still alive. Five years ago, they said the cancer had spread, but she was still here. Six months ago, the doctors declared she was in the final stage of palliative care, yet she miraculously lived on to this day. Sometimes I wonder if the strength of her life came from “good karma.” I was perplexed and could not understand why such a loving person must endure so much suffering. However, one thing I can say with absolute certainty is that she spread the fragrance of her heart with her limited life, using her compassion to show many people serving life sentences in American prisons the hope of life and the shore of happiness!
Shirley Tam, this Chinese woman who immigrated to the United States from Hong Kong with her family in the 1970s, had volunteered in CDCR (California Department of Correction and Rehabilitation) prisons for thirty years, even after being diagnosed with cancer. She continued to visit the prisons regularly. The International Bodhisattva Sangha Temple (IBS), managed by her and her husband, Danny Tam, shined like an ever-bright lamp, gently and firmly illuminating the lives of thousands of incarcerated individuals of different skin colors and ethnicities. Under the influence of Chinese culture, these incarcerated individuals have achieved self-redemption and been accepted by society.
This is not a legend, but a specific practice of the “Blessing Culture” that crosses cultures, religions, and ethnicities that I have been fortunate enough to witness—Shirley, demonstrating not only an affirmation of the value of individual lives but also a vivid display of the concept of a shared human destiny.
Choosing Blessings with Care
There is a saying in Buddhism, “A thought of good, a thought of evil, begins in a single-minded thought.”
Shirley's initial visit to the prison to share the Dharma was also sparked by a single thought of spreading blessings to the world.
From a young age, she was influenced by her father's teachings of kindness and compassion. After marrying her husband and immigrating in 1970’s to the United States, they started a business but also spent their weekends participating in local Buddhist community charities, helping homeless people, visiting orphanages, and nursing homes.
In 2004, the couple helped Ven. Master Huiguang establish the IBS Temple and received approval of the prison visitation program from Calipatria State Prison in California by the end of the year. They were allowed to volunteer in the prison to help and educate incarcerated individuals willing to learn the Buddha’s teaching, enabling them to repent and start anew.
At that time, Shirley was a mother of three children, juggling family care and volunteering at the IBS Temple. Initially, she and Danny had no experience serving in prisons, but they were moved by the teaching of the Buddha walking on Bodhisattva path as well as the fact that California's budget for prisons had been higher than educational funding for schools over the past decade. Furthermore, incarcerated individuals willing to receive any form of education, including religious studies, had a 43% lower recidivism rate during parole than those who were not. For this reason, the prison authorities welcomed local volunteers to help, and volunteers took this opportunity to regularly assist incarcerated individuals in meditation.
For Shirley, the prison was a place she never dreamed of entering in her life, especially Calipatria State Prison in California, which, at the time, housed some four thousand incarcerated men serving long sentences under maximum security. The media described it as “hell on earth,” with frequent fights and brawls among some incarcerated men. Entering this hostile environment filled with fear, especially when she entered the small chapel and saw a group of bald, tattooed men of different skin colors, she secretly wondered: Were these men murderers? Robbers? Thieves? Rapists?
At that time, she doubted whether she could transform these incarcerated men with her own effort, feeling a twinge of regret for having signed a “hostage agreement” on the clearance. This meant that during the lectures, and they would bear the consequences if taken hostage by any incarcerated person.
What did it mean to bear the consequences? She looked around the small chapel, and there were no armed guards, only incarcerated men. On the way back, she told her husband that despite feeling fearful at first, she firmly believed that a person who seeks to save others with love in their heart would not be harmed.
With the courage of “If I don't enter hell, who will?” her resilience significantly increased on subsequent visits. Having grown up in Hong Kong, she was fluent in English, French, Mandarin, Cantonese, and Hokkien, quickly shifting from assisting her husband or the master with lecture preparations to leading “dharma brothers and sisters” in meditation and explaining the Buddha’s teaching in different languages. When she saw some incarcerated men covered in tattoos lower their proud heads and tears of sincerity flow down their faces, she no longer saw them as incarcerated individuals but as “dharma brothers and sisters,” referring to those who had rehabilitated as “transformed persons.”
“She spent four years continuously helping a renewed person who wished to become a monk fulfill his dream of ordination. Later, this transformed person was revered as a Bodhisattva in prison. Not only could he meditate for over ten hours a day, but also helped other dharma brothers to calm down, reducing incidents of fighting,” Danny proudly praised his wife.
From the first volunteer visit to the prison, a decade had flown by. Seeing many dharma brothers and sisters who had been transformed with their help, Shirley and Danny decided in 2004 to close their business and devote themselves full-time to prison education work.
The Arrival of Both Blessings and Misfortunes
Since 1994, Shirley and the volunteers visited thirty-five prisons for thirty years. Not only did they inspired incarcerated individuals to study the Buddha’s teaching and meditate, turning thousands into “transformed persons,” but also establish twenty-five libraries in eleven prison chapels, donating over ten thousand Buddhist books.
However, she herself faced a series of life-threatening challenges.
One day in 2013, Shirley was diagnosed with stage III rectal cancer. After surgery and nine months of chemotherapy, although the cancer cells disappeared, she was so emaciated that she was as thin as a cicada's wing. Yet, cancer did not defeat her; she continued to encourage the dharma brothers to improve themselves through correspondence.
Learning of her cancer, the dharma brothers sent her sympathy letters and cards, filled with gratitude and care. These letters undoubtedly encouraged Shirley's confidence in overcoming cancer, reigniting her drive to return to the prison to spread the Dharma.
Two years later, with her condition under control, she began visiting prisons again and obtained a pass for IBS volunteers to enter all California prisons. This eliminated the need to apply to each prison individually, expanding the scope of their prison visitation work in California.
Just as she was grateful for the ability to continue her charitable work in prisons, her eldest son became unable to walk due to the advanced stages of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). This was undoubtedly adding insult to injury, but she was not defeated by the hardship of life. With astonishing willpower, she encouraged herself to coexist peacefully with her own cancer and her son's ALS, not pitying her situation or blaming heaven and earth, but maintaining a loving heart in her home, IBS Temple, and the prisons.
However, the suffering did not end there. In July 2020, during the global COVID-19 pandemic, her younger son, in consideration of reducing hospital burdens and preventing virus infection, reduced his hospital visits and relied on his medical knowledge to combat his long-standing thrombosis. Unfortunately, he passed away during a shower, leaving without a chance to say goodbye to his parents, wife and children.
The immense pain of “parents burying their child” plunged the Tam family into a deep abyss of sorrow. Her cancer recurred, and this time, the cancer cells began to spread!
Facing the immense grief of losing a loved child and the physical and mental torment of chemotherapy, her already frail body grew increasingly weaker.
“Seeing her tortured by cancer, enduring the pain of losing a child with her frail body, really cuts me to the heart!” Recently, staying by his wife's bedside every day as she was nearing the end, Danny tearfully said multiple times.
Danny told me he has silently prayed countless times for his wife, asking heaven why, despite their vow to rescue individuals trapped in the misery of prisons with compassion, they faced the predicament of illnesses and personal loss. They promoted the Dharma and spread the good news, but why did well-being seem so far from us? Her answer was: “There are many people in the world whose situations are worse than ours. May our suffering serve to alleviate some of the world's pain.”
“Shirley's ability to put her suffering aside and admire her. Without her, there would not be our thirty years of persistent efforts in spreading the Dharma in prisons,” Danny said in our last conversation.
Her daughter, Vivien inspired by her mother’s great love towards the incarcerated individuals has decided to quit her job to stay with the family caring for her mother in her last stage of life. Her help was enormous to her parents during this difficult time.
Blessings to the Heart
How many people would have believed me if I had said at the beginning of the article, “In this world, there is a lady named, Shirley Tam, who, in the midst of a series of sufferings, chose to care for others with a compassionate and tolerant heart.”
Yet, now I say again, she told her husband on her sickbed that if she recovered, she would continue to visit the prisons and spread the Dharma, allowing more dharma brothers and sisters to see the light of life and change into “transformed persons” beneficial to the world, is this not beyond myth? This is a legend!!!
In September 2021, just after finishing chemotherapy, she heard that a dharma brother, named Chuck Foley, who they had known for over twenty years was being released from prison. She proposed that she and Danny make a special trip to a Northern California prison to welcome Chuck upon release. She knew that many dharma brothers and sisters, having stayed in prisons for a long time and lost contact with former friends and family, would find their first step back into society crucial for regaining confidence. She wanted Chuck to see someone holding flowers to celebrate his rebirth as he walked out of the prison gate.
However, for a cancer patient, this meant enduring a round-trip drive of over ten hours. Given California's vast territory and highways that climb mountains, deserts, and canyons, this journey was undoubtedly a physical test for her.
Perhaps, her decision seemed unbelievable to many, but having witnessed the bond between her and Chuck, I understood it as an invisible spiritual link—
In 2019, at the IBS Temple's annual gala, she was terminally ill, carrying an “ostomy bag” for excretion. She was the host and introduced three dharma brothers attending the event.
That day, three middle-aged men of different ethnicities took the stage to share their past actions before imprisonment and their incarceration experience. They candidly spoke about how they started to reflect on their past only after her visit and brought them English Buddhist books, which taught them the virtue of patience in their practice; they stopped blaming society for their mistakes and resolved to change.
One of them, a Filipino-American man with half Chinese descent, tearfully shared how he reduced his life sentence to twenty-two years, then to sixteen years, through a journey of self-reflection—he had been imprisoned for gang fights and was known for brawling in the prison. Since participating in the IBS' regular meditation classes, whenever he was about to get angry, he would remind himself: “When conflict and adversity arise, always preserve a spacious heart.” This was a quote from Jing Si Aphorisms by Tzu Chi Master Sheng Yen, translated into English, Spanish and Japanese, that she brought in: “In the face of adversity and conflict, maintain a spacious heart.” He gradually became calm and stopped blaming others, instead studying university courses in prison. Now, not only was he released early, but also received a university admission letter.
Sitting among the guests, facing those three faces marked by hardship yet shining like warm sunshine into my heart, I wondered: What kind of moral strength could prompt three middle-aged men to share their pasts in front of hundreds of strangers? At that moment, I saw her embrace one dharma brother who was overwhelmed by his past like a mother hugging her son, comforting him until he calmed down before leading him off the stage. Indeed, nothing can stop her self-encouragement of “Even if the void has an end, my vow is boundless.”
In the golden autumn of September 2021, she finally stood outside the gate of a Northern California prison, accompanying Chuck’s 85 year-old mother, welcoming him as he walked out of prison. When I saw the picture, I was deeply moved by the four radiant smiling faces: Could Chuck have smiled if he saw only his elderly mother standing alone outside the prison gate upon his release? If not for Shirley, who else would think of others' feelings while on their deathbed?
Writing this, I feel at a loss for words. Realizing that a lady like Shirley cannot be fully described with words like “noble” and “great” So, let's use her words: “Even if the void has an end, my vow is boundless.” This serves as an interpretation of the concept of “blessing the world”—Shirley Tam, her Chinese name is Qiao-Chang Tam.
April 2, 2024 in San Diego
老子道德经第三十三章 :
“不失其所者久 死而不亡者壽”. 指那些对人类社會有过大貢獻而品德高尚的人,身體雖然死去但永遠活在人心中,被怀念千 秋万世故是長寿的是謂不亡。
以下是現代作家李峴女士對譚巧嫦居士的一篇報導文章。李峴女士是美國中文作家恊會的現任主席。
谭瑞钦
报告文学
用生命传递福音
李 岘
她,即将离开这个世界,今天、明天、后天?我不知道。她被告知患癌已经过去了十一年,她仍然活着。五年前说癌症已经扩散,她依然活着。半年前医生宣布她的生命已经到了最后的“临终关怀”,她还是奇迹般地活到了今天。有时我在想,这份生命的力量是否源于“福报”?有时又为此困惑,想不通为什么这样一位胸有大爱的人却要受此折磨?不过,有一点我可以非常笃定地说:她用自己有限的生命传递着心香,帮助众多不幸的人获得了幸福!
谭巧嫦,这位上世纪七十年代随家人从香港移民到美国的华人女性,坚持三十年到美国监狱传递福音,即使被诊断出癌症,她依然定期前往。她和她的先生谭瑞钦主理的菩萨寺,像一盏长明灯,温柔而坚定地投向美国监狱数以千计的囚犯,使这些不同肤色和族裔的阶下囚,在中华文化的熏陶下,实现了自我救赎,重新获得了社会的接纳。
这不是一个传说,而是我有幸见证到这个跨越文化、宗教和族群的“福文化”的具体实践——谭巧嫦,向我们证明的不仅是对个体生命价值的肯定,更是人类命运共同体理念的生动展示。
择福宜重
佛家有言:“一念善,一念恶,是始于一念之间”。
谭巧嫦最初到监狱传法,也是一念之间开启了她福泽天下的征途。
她自幼受到父亲待人以仁爱慈悲为怀的言传身教,婚后跟同样信仰佛教的丈夫移民美国后,除了帮助先生创业,还和先生利用周末时间参加当地佛教团体救援美国游民、探访孤儿院及老人院的慈善活动。1994年他们夫妻二人帮助慧光法师成立了菩萨寺,并在年底获得了加州Calipatria监狱的批准,允许他们以义工的身份,去监狱帮助和教育那些愿意接受佛学思想的受刑人,使这些人能够洗心革面、重新做人。
当时谭巧嫦是三个孩子的母亲,要一边照顾家庭,一边参与菩萨寺的义工活动。在此之前,她和先生都没有服务监狱的经验,但是当他们听说加州近十年来的预算支出,监狱的费用高出学校的教育经费,并且在监狱里愿意接受任何一种教育,包括宗教在内的囚犯,在假释期间再犯罪的比例比不愿意接受任何教育的人低了%43。因此,狱方欢迎市民做为义工到监狱里做宣教工作。于是,菩萨寺就把工作重点放到去监狱传递“佛法福音”的项目上。
可以说,监狱对谭巧嫦和她的先生来说,那是一个今生做梦都没想过会踏入的地方。特别是加州Calipatria监狱,一个囚禁重刑男犯人的地方,媒体称这里是人间地狱,犯人之间打架斗殴的事件时有所闻。对于这样恶劣的环境,当谭巧嫦和丈夫随同慧光法师走进监狱的时候,她心中充满了恐惧。当她走进狱方安排的小教堂时,看到一群剃着光头、身有刺青的不同肤色的男人时,她暗中思忖这些人是杀人犯?抢劫犯?偷盗犯?强奸犯?那时她还不相信以一己之力可以改造这些犯人,但是她知道自己已经与警方签署了“人质协议”,也就是说在讲课时没有狱警的保护,如果犯人劫持他们为人质,其后果自己承担。
在回程中她告诉丈夫,虽然与犯人同处一室心怀胆怯,但是她坚信只要心中有爱,用灵魂去拯救他人福祉的人,是不会受到伤害的。
有了第一次“我不下地狱谁下地狱”的胆识,再去监狱时她的心理承受能力明显增强,加上她自小在香港生活,英语、法语、国语、粤语、闽南语都说得非常流利,很快就从帮助先生或法师做一些讲座前的准备工作,改为带领“法友”禅修,用不同语言向他们解释佛教的相关知识。当她看到从头到胳膊都布满刺青的犯人低下高昂的头,看到獐头鼠目的脸颊流下了真诚的泪水,她不再把这些人当作犯人,而是称他们为“法友”,把改过自新的“法友”称为“更新人”。
“她用了四年的时间不断地去帮助一个愿意出家的更新人圆梦出家成功。后来这位更新人在狱中被尊称为佛菩萨。他不仅可以在狱中每天坐禅十个小时以上,而且让其他的法友也能安静下来,减少了打架事件。”谭先生无不自豪地夸赞着太太。
十年过去,面对更多的法友成为了“更新人”,谭巧嫦和先生在2004年决定卖掉自己的生意,全力以赴从事探访监狱的教育工作。
福祸双至
自1994年开始探访监狱,谭巧嫦与菩萨寺的义工们在三十年间走访了三十五所监狱,他们不仅以禅修和佛家思想去感召囚犯,使数千名囚犯改邪归正,成为洗心革面的“更生人”,而且在十一家监狱的小教堂里建立了三十五所图书馆,赠送了超过一万本的佛学书籍。
然而,谭巧嫦自己要面对的却是接二连三的致命打击:2013年的某一天,她被诊断为直肠癌,并且已是第三期。手术后化疗了九个月,虽然癌细胞消失了,谭巧嫦已瘦得皮包骨,弱如蝉翼。然而,癌症并没有击倒她,她依然以通信的方式鼓励着法友们自善其身。这些法友们得知她身患癌症,也发来如雪片般的慰问信,信中充满了感恩和关怀。
这些信无疑鼓励了巧嫦战胜癌症的信心,激发出她要重新回到监狱传递佛法福音的动力。两年后,她在病情得到控制后,开始重新探视监狱,并为菩萨寺的义工们申请到全加州监狱入狱探访的通行证,而不需要向每个监狱都提出申请,扩大了走访加州监狱的工作范围。
正当巧嫦庆幸自己有能力继续做探访监狱的慈善工作时,她的大儿子已经因渐冻症后期不能行走了。这无疑是雪上加霜,但是她没有被生活的磨难所击倒,她以惊人的意志力与自身癌症和儿子的渐冻症和平相处,不去悲悯自己的遭遇,不去责怪苍天万物,以平常心往来于自家、菩萨寺和监狱。
然而,苦难并没有到此为止。2020年7月,正值新冠疫情肆虐全球,谭巧嫦的小儿子为了减轻医院负担和防范病毒感染的双重考虑,减少了去医院的次数,凭借着自身的医疗知识自行对抗多年以来的血栓疾病。不幸的是,他在洗澡的时候过世,来不及向父母和儿女道别便离开了人间。 “白发人送黑发人”的巨痛将谭家推进了悲伤的深渊之中,谭巧嫦的癌症再次复发。这次,癌细胞开始扩散。
在痛失爱子的巨大打击下还要面对化疗带来的身心折磨,谭巧嫦原已羸弱的身体日渐衰竭。
“每每看到她受到癌症的折磨,带着残弱的身躯来度过失子之痛,我真的是心如刀割!”近来每天都守在弥留之际的太太身边,谭先生数度含泪说道。
他告诉我,他为爱妻无数次地默默祈祷,无数次地无语问苍天:为什么我们发愿以慈悲为怀去解救受困于牢狱之灾的灵魂,我们自身却受到家破人亡的困境?我们弘扬佛法传递福音,可是福祉为什么离我们那么遥远?
太太给出的答案是:世间上比我们的境遇更糟的人比比皆是。但愿我们承受的苦难可以用来减轻世间一些苦痛。
“巧嫦把自己的苦置诸道外令我钦佩。没有她就没有我们三十年持之以恒到监狱传播福音的功业。”谭先生在最后一次与我通话时说道。
福至心田
也许我在开篇就说,这个世界上有一位叫谭巧嫦的女士,在一连串的苦难中选择了以一颗慈悲与包容的心去关爱他人,是否有“心灵鸡汤”之嫌?然而,此刻我再说,谭巧嫦在病榻上告诉自己的先生,如果她能好转,她会继续去监狱传递“佛法福音”,让更多的法友看到生命之光,蜕变为有益于这个世界的“更新人”,是否已不是神话?
2021 年 9 月,刚刚做完化疗的谭巧嫦,听说他们用佛教关怀访视了二十多年的法友出狱,便提出要与先生谭瑞钦专程去北加州监狱迎接这位更新人出狱。一位他们用佛教关怀访视了二十多年的法友出狱。因为她知道许多法友在监狱里呆久了,疏于跟往昔的亲朋好友联络,走出监狱的第一感觉对他们重拾回归社会的信心很重要。她要在这名“更新人”走出监狱大门的时候,能看到有人拿着鲜花祝贺他的重生。
然而,对于一位癌症患者来说,这意味着来回开车十几个小时的颠簸。由于加州幅员辽阔,高速公路多为攀缘于高山、沙漠、峡谷之间,所以这趟行程对于谭巧嫦无疑是一次身体上的考验。
也许,她的这个决定对许多人来说是不可思议,但是我亲眼目睹过她与“更新人”之间的感情,理解那道看不见的精神纽带——
那时她已身患绝症,身上带着装排泄物的“便袋”,在菩萨寺举办的嘉华年会上,她拿着麦克风介绍着出席这次活动的三位“更新人”。那天三位不同族裔的中年男人上台讲述了他们入狱前的胡作非为和入狱后的不良行为,坦言直到遇见了菩萨寺的义工们到狱中帮助他们,为他们送来英语版的佛教书籍,让他们在静修的过程中懂得了什么是忍让,才沉下心来反思自己的过往;不再将一切错误都推给社会,决心痛改前非。
三人中有一位是有着一半华裔血统的菲律宾裔美国人,他声泪俱下地讲述了自己是如何从无期徒刑减刑到二十二年,又减刑到十六年出狱的心路历程——他因帮派打架斗殴入狱,在监狱里也以打架闻名。自从他参加了菩萨寺定期回访的禅修课程,他在即将动怒时都会告诫自己:“When conflict and adversity arise, always preserve a spacious heart.”那是谭师姐送来的有英语和日语翻译的释证严法师写的《静思语》一书中的一句话:逆境、是非来临,心中要持一“宽”字。他渐渐地变得平心静气,不再怨天尤人,而是在监狱里修大学的课程。现在他不但提前出狱,而且得到了一家大学的入学通知书……
坐在嘉宾席里的我,面对站在讲台上那三张布满沧桑的面孔却如暖阳一般地投洒在我心头的时候,我在想:是什么样的人格力量,才能促使三名人到中年的男人,在几百位陌生人的面前讲述自己不堪的过往?就在这时,我看到谭巧嫦像母亲拥抱儿子一般地,将一位沉浸在自己往事中无法自拔的“更生人”搂在怀里,直到他安静下来才带他走到台下。
是的,没有什么可以阻挡住谭巧嫦发愿“虚空有尽,我愿无穷”的自勉。
2021年的金秋九月,她终于站在北加州监狱的大门外,陪同这位“更新人”八十五岁的老妈妈,一起迎接从监狱里走出来的“更新人”。当我看到那一瞬间的照片时,我被四张阳光灿烂的笑脸深深地感动:如果这位“更新人”从监狱大门走出来的那一刻,看到的是老母亲孤零零站在门外,他能笑得起来吗?如果不是谭巧嫦,还有人会在病入膏肓的时候想到他人的感受吗?
写到这里,我已觉得自己词亏句穷,因为我意识到像谭巧嫦这样的女性,即使用“高尚”和“伟大”的词汇,都不足以解读她的精神世界。那么就用她的话说:虚空有尽,我愿无穷。借此将“福天下”理念作为一个解读——谭巧嫦,她的英文名字叫Shirley Tam。
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