Kathleen Joan Gray

Kathleen Joan Gray (Mom) passed away at her home in Orangevale, California on April 08, 2025, at the age of 81. Her three children, Melissa, Geoff (Lisa), and Greg; granddaughter Samantha; and close friends Brigette and Debbie, were with her on her final day.

Mom was born on November 07, 1943, in Sacramento, California to Evelyn and Henry Ruff, joined five years later by her younger brother Stephen. It was in Sacramento, while still in her early 20’s, that she met David Albert Gray (Dad), whom she married on September 17, 1966. According to Mom, their first few years of marriage included attending “rolling parties” with other young couples from Dad’s fraternity, hopping from house to house and drinking various cocktails.

Mom loved to read and watch mysteries, was a wonderful and inspired cook, hosted theme parties, and dedicated her mid-life to raising her kids. They raised the three kids at their house on Dena Way in Carmichael, CA. Mom was very crafty and started her own jewelry business called Kathleen’s Creations, making earrings, necklaces and bracelets out of beads and hammered copper.

Mom and Dad developed lifelong friendships with the parents at the local youth ice hockey club and dedicated countless weekends to traveling with the other hockey families as the boys played games throughout the state. It was there she met her best friend, Kathie Beukema (husband Jack), and Greg remembers them laughing and laughing together in the stands, post-game at the restaurants, over glasses of wine, and generally whenever they were together. In addition to ice hockey travels, Mom and Dad (with Greg and sometimes Geoff) spent many summers traveling in the RV across Oregon, Idaho, Washington and other states, visiting Yellowstone National Park and other scenic areas; Greg and Mom had many fierce card game competitions while sitting in the RV, staring out at the vista.

After the kids left home, Mom and Dad moved up the road to Orangevale, where they became grandparents to Melissa’s daughter, Samantha. Mom continued with her crafting, this time making whimsical fairytale dolls and displaying them throughout the house. She had an eye for birds and loved to watch her feeders and the pond for the various species that frequented her yard.

She was preceded in death by her mother Evelyn, father Henry, brother Stephen, and husband David. She is survived by her children Melissa (Rick), Geoff (Lisa), and Greg (Genevieve); granddaughter Samantha (father Scott); and best friend Kathie (Jack).

Tributes to Mom in our own words:

Melissa: One of my favorite memories from my teenage years was spending afternoons with Mom at Foxy Loxy. We’d sit down for lunch and share laughs over a bagel knockwurst sandwiches. Afterward, we’d always go shopping together – a simple tradition, but one I cherished the most

Some of my most favorite memories with my mom & family were our trips trailering to Dillon Beach. Surrounded by family—my mom, dad, daughter Sam, and others—we’d spend our days taking walks along the beach and nights gathered around the fire. We’d laugh, play Yahtzee and other games, and enjoy the simple magic of being together. Those camping trips are memories I hold close to my heart.

Geoff: When we were kids, Mom revolved her life around taking care of the three kids. I had a lot of behavioral issues growing up, and by the time I guess I could say I "became normal" (age 19), I moved out, never to return, and as the years progressed, I came to realize how hard it must have been to raise a child like me. She encouraged each of us to pursue our hobbies and passions, she was a very good listener and, even though she wasn't the most adventurous, she always wanted us to be. I spent a few years living and working abroad in Japan and she was really excited for me and happy I had found something I loved. The same held true when I was a kid and revolved my life around hockey. She was a very good listener and until the end she enjoyed a good story. I will miss her, and knowing that someone who cheered for me until the end is no longer here is a tough pill to swallow.

Greg: Childhood memories of Mom include wandering the isles of Tower Books, contemplating our next adventures on the Mystery shelves; watching Angela Lansbury solve yet another murder in her “quiet” little town; travelling throughout Oregon and Washington in the RV, playing Yahtzee, Clue, and intense games of Gin Rummy which inevitably left the other one infuriated; and eating her famous Christmas morning egg dish as we pilfered through the innumerable presents she had spent months selecting for us. When I went away to college in Humboldt County, she sent me away with a personalized recipe book of all my favorite meals and how to cook them. It is surreal and slightly emptying to realize that the person who loved me the deepest, unconditionally, who has been with me every step of the way, supporting my adventures and work and interests, is no more. Thank you for being my Mom.

Brigette: Kathy loved the birds and wildlife that came through our literal nature area. She would call whenever she spotted something she didn’t want us to miss. And sometimes we would have to get out our bird books to figure out which new birds had arrived in the neighborhood. Then there were many late afternoons spent on the patio talking about recipes, the latest art project and life happenings. So many treasured memories. Our life is better and richer for having Kathy in it.

Kathie: Kathy, I will never ever have another friend like you. You will always be my best friend and soul sister. Our paths first crossed in 1985 when I walked into Birdcage ice rink to sign my son up for hockey. You were the volunteer at the sign-up table, I came to learn that was one of your great qualities, always volunteering when needed. Something just clicked between us that lasted forty years. During all these years our lives have been intertwined sharing joys, sorrow, ups, downs, our deepest feelings, thoughts and unstoppable laughter. Our friendship drew deeper every year, if we had a disagreement we wouldn’t text or call for a day then one of us would call and we went right back to our old selves. We became the two party givers for the hockey club and boy were they fun. Yours were always better because of the jukebox you guys had. When “Old Time Rock and Roll” came on no matter what you were doing or who you were talking to, you and Jack took to the floor and we all watched. One night David, Kathy Jack and I went out to dinner Old Time Rock and Roll came on Kathy and Jack stood up by the side of our table and started dancing, David and I went under the table!!

Kathy and I had many adventures, but our two favorites were our yearly trips to Carmel and our “spa” weekends when David went to Arizona. Our spa weekends were crafting, making and trying new appetizers and meeting up with Carlo. I’ll never forget her kindness of the spa weekends, she did this for me because I was working and raising our grandson and she thought a break would be good for me mentally, that’s the kind of BFF she was. Carmel will always hold special memories, one year we went to one of our favorite restaurants for our mussels dinner (our yearly special treat), we were finishing our wine in walks Clint Eastwood, goes to the bar gets a drink then comes and sits at our table, we were shocked but played it cool. Talked about Carmel asked if we’d been to “Hogs Breath” his restaurant and of course we had. The garden area of Hogs Breath was beautiful we always sat out there for our wine time. Clint was headed there and ask us to go with him and of course we did. He set us up at the best table in the garden, sent us a bottle of wine and kept checking on us.

Can’t tell you how many times we texted each other at the same time. Until the last couple months Kathy enjoyed doing crafts, reading and talking about new recipes. You are my new guardian angel a guardian angel with a heart as big and benevolent as forever - I love you and will miss you each and every day.