John D. Wilder-Neves

John D. Wilder-Neves of Raleigh, North Carolina passed away Saturday morning, May 12, 2012, after a courageous 10-month battle with cancer. A native of Medina, Ohio, he was born March 26, 1954 to a family who cherished his creativity, booming laugh, magnificent mustache, and especially his loving spirit.

John is survived by his lifetime partner and soulmate of 33 years, Steve Neves. The couple moved to the Raleigh area together in 1985 and created a life filled with love. Through his faithfulness to his partner, John showed and taught many around him what a long-term, committed, loving relationship between two men could be.

He is also survived by his adoring parents, Don and Hope Huffman Wilder of Medina, Ohio. In addition to his parents and his partner, John is survived by his brother Rob Wilder and wife Chris of Medina; nieces Erica (Miguel) Panetta of La Jolla, CA, Heidi (Kevin) Knoll of Providence, RI, and Molly Wilder of Boston, MA. He was preceded in death by his younger brother Paul in 1972. An additional service will be held at a later date in Medina with ashes interred next to Paul in Spring Grove Cemetery.

Other surviving nieces and nephews include Maria, Jennifer, Joey, Brian, Tommy, Paul (Deena) and Justin, adopted nephews Walt and William DeFoor, and honorary niece Leah Hunter who followed in John’s Hiram College footsteps. Great nieces and nephews include Joey, Jesse, Tommy, Melinda, Nicholas, Anthony, Angela, Brianna, Tim (Sandy), Duane, Dominic (Jen), and Andrew. All these young people have absolutely adored their uncle. Beloved in-laws include Tom, Barb (Bob), Theresa, and the late Margie, and honorary family members include David and Cindy DeFoor.

Following his education in the Medina public schools, John received his BA in Sociology at Hiram College in 1975, followed by graduate work at George Washington University, Kent State University (where he met his partner), and Youngstown State University, where he received his MBA. John’s jobs spanned telecommunications, insurance, retail, charitable industries and most recently, served as pianist at Umstead Park UCC. He poured his heart and soul into choosing just the right music to evoke the theme of the service and inspire the congregation.

Music was a primary passion for John. His extensive audio collection provided a soundtrack for his life. His lifelong love and talent for playing piano started with lessons from his Grandma Sally Huffman. Beginning his interest in music with cello in elementary school and tuba in high school, John continued to share his passion for music by playing the recorder, autoharp, and piano. He sang in innumerable choirs, established handbell choirs, and led music groups with adults and youth.

John loved to travel, even after a harrowing appendectomy in Egypt while doing an independent study at Kent State and a charging elephant in Zimbabwe while on a mission trip. He traveled to Cuba 7 times with his church group to reach out with music and friendship.

John was first a devoted member of Medina UCC Congregational, where he was baptized and confirmed. In Raleigh, he was a devoted member of Pullen Memorial Baptist Church, (where his ashes will be interred in their Memorial Garden) and then of Umstead Park UCC, where he served in a variety of leadership roles and touched countless lives through his gift of music.

John’s signature walrus mustache did nothing to hide his radiant smile, but in fact emphasized its warmth. His infectious laugh bubbled up from deep within, and together with his sparkling eyes, warmed those around him. Among his most notable traits were his devotion to family and friends, his love of laughter, his knack for mischief without unkindness, and his penchant for deep reflection. Those who knew him were inspired by his resilience to live a life replete with integrity and found both their hearts and minds opened by his contagious zeal for life.

A Celebration of the Life of John Wilder-Neves will be held at Umstead Park UCC on Saturday, May 19, 2012, at 11 a.m. The family will be available to receive friends after the service. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to the UPUCC Music Ministry.

Condolences to the family at www.BrownWynneMillbrook.com