Mary Stelmark

Mary was born in Brooklyn, NY to Farrigal (Fred) Sweeney and Mary Muldowney, on Feb. 13, 1945.

Mary grew up playing with friends, cousins, and her two brothers all over New York City. Both of her parents were born in Ireland, and Mary was incredibly proud of her Irish heritage. Mary had an austere upbringing, the daughter of a gravedigger and a custodian, which gave her a strong work ethic. As a pre-teen she taught herself sign language so she could communicate with a deaf friend. She excelled in academics and, after graduating high school, worked full time while getting an associate degree. She also completed her bachelor’s degree at night at Baruch College.

Mary liked to move. She spent winters skiing in upstate New York and summers visiting the Hamptons with friends. In the summer of 1970, she spent a month with her cousin, aunt, and mother, visiting family in Ireland. That fall, she set off on a road trip to San Francisco with friends where she would end up living for two years, creating friendships that lasted her entire life.

Returning to New York to be near family, Mary worked as a secretary for federal judges in the Southern District of New York. She eventually started her own secretarial services business, which allowed her some bonding time with her only employee, her father.

Mary bumped into Joseph Stelmark at Pippin’s, a bar in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, and they were married not too long after, on June 15, 1975. They lived in Bay Ridge, and then bought a home in Staten Island where they lived for about 7 years until they moved to Michigan, when Joe was promoted.

After 9 years of marriage, Mary gave birth to her and Joe’s only child, Joseph C. Stelmark, III in 1984. Mary and Joe spent the next few decades working full-time, raising Joey, and spending numerous nights and afternoons at concerts, practices, and games. She was a proud mother.

Mary was very involved with her faith, volunteering as a 2nd Grade catechism teacher and a eucharistic minister at St. Philomenia Catholic Church. She also served as a eucharistic minister at St. Clare of Montefalco, where she had started to undergo training as a grief counselor.

Mary was a meticulous planner, and in addition to managing both of her Joes’ lives, she continued planning travels: fantastic family vacations to Ireland, the Northeast, Disney World, and the Southwest, as well as a family reunion in the UP. Her plans were thorough, and the trips provided the family stories that would (and will) last a lifetime. In her spare time, she was an avid reader and loved her mysteries.

Mary was very close with her family throughout her life. She was always checking in on her brothers, in-laws, and nieces, and orchestrated multiple family gatherings and reunions. She was very close with her mother throughout her life, and brought her mom from New York to live with her and the family in Michigan for the later stages of her life.

When Mary retired, she and Joe enjoyed traveling the country and the world. They spent four years traveling around the United States to see their son’s Michigan Lacrosse games, and they took annual trips to Cancun with great friends. Some other travel highlights included anniversary cruises and trips to Alaska and Europe.

Never one to get bored, Mary made the most of her free time in retirement. Fearlessly, she started an acting career at 70 years old, joining multiple acting groups, producing, acting in, and even directing multiple shows. Mary was also a member of the Grosse Pointe Historical Society, serving as an officer for a time. She also donated her time and insights, tutoring at the Dominican Literacy Center. Most importantly, Mary got to spend time quality time with good friends, her husband, her son, and her granddaughters.

She is survived by her son, Joe (Emily) Stelmark, brothers Fred (Joan) Sweeney, Owen (Elizabeth) Sweeney, as well as many nieces and nephews. She had two grandchildren, Madeline (2.5) and Juliette (10 months), whom she loved and bragged about often.

Mary will be remembered as an active member of her community, an outwardly caring family member who always had time to listen, and a wonderful friend and advice giver. Most of all she was a devoted and loving wife, proud mother, and the best Grandma Mary.

We will celebrate her life alongside her doting husband (who recently passed away), on Friday, February 16, at 10:30 am at St. Clare of Montefalco. In place of flowers Mary would have preferred donations to an organization that meant a great deal to her: Dominican Literacy Center - http://www.dlcliteracy.org/donate/