A funeral service for Sara will be held Monday, April 25, 2022 from 11:30 AM to 12:00 PM at Schwartz Brothers-Jeffer Memorial Chapels, 114-03 Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, NY 11375. Following the funeral service will be a committal service from 1:00 PM to 1:45 PM at New Montefiore Cemetery, 1180 Wellwood Avenue, West Babylon, NY 11704.
Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.sbjmemorialchapel.com for the Sussman family.
Eulogy for my mother Sara Sussman, given on April 25th 2022 by Diane Arch
I was told by my husband and children to keep my eulogy short, so I will honor that advice.
First, I’d like to thank you all for coming today. I especially want to thank those of you who came from far distances, like my daughter Joanna, who flew here from Denver, Colorado and daughter Allison, who flew from Los Angeles. But the gold star goes to Lynn, her husband Jitzhak and their 2 sons who came here from Israel, halfway around the world. In addition, I’d also like to thank Pam for her patience and persistence in caring for my mother when she moved to Munster, over the past few years, especially when she became so very ill towards the end of her life.
On November 3, 2021 I asked my mother about herself, when visiting her room in assisted living in Hartsfield Village in Munster, Indiana. She said, “I liked my children, and family. I worked very hard and I was lucky”. “The Lord gave me years and that was very nice of him. I always say my Schmah when I wake up and before I go to bed at night.
Then she said, “My idea of life is based on what people who knew me said about me. They said about me that I am only interested in my family, my family, my life”. Thank you, Mom, for summing yourself up.
I got lucky in life having you as my mother. You were caring, responsible, and respectful. You taught me the value of caring for others in your example of demonstrating how to care for my father, who had a stroke. I learned the value of family when you persistently hosted many holiday meals for our family, as well as for our extended family, who often came for meals in our home, such as for Passover, or Thanksgiving, or Shabbat as well as for fun times, like poker card night.
Our family was knit together by our Jewish religion and traditions. So, when I attend synagogue services you will be in my thoughts. Our family was not perfect, we had our flaws, however, we were stitched together with good intentions. I love you Mom, and will remember you with fondness and appreciation. Of course, I will think about you for the rest of my life.
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Eulogy for Mom – from Lynn with love
April 25, 2022
First, I’d like to publicly thank Pam, our sister in law, for the loving care she bestowed on Mom these past few years. Since the time that she and Richard moved Mom to Indiana, Pam cared for Mom with love and kindness, which I know Mom reciprocated. Being so far away, I could breathe more easily knowing that Pam was on top of things for Mom. I thank you Pam from the bottom of my heart.
Now for Mom: Mom’s presence and spirit were on this planet Earth for nearly 100 years. She enriched this world no end.
Mom’s is a Jewish soul. Even though her body has surrendered, her soul continues on. And she was a Jewish woman of valor. Steeped in Jewish values, and proud to her core of her husband and children, she was also immensely proud of her heritage and traditions. Mom accepted what God sent her way, weathering the losses of the men she loved deeply – her beloved brothers and sister, husband and son, and rejoiced in the family she had remaining and her own identity. Even while she lived like a Stranger in the Strange Land of Mid America – a true New Yorker replanted in an unfamiliar setting - Mom retained her own identity and sense of self.
Mom’s situation deterioriated during Passover. How symbolic! The familiar tune of Dayenu is what our brother Richard sang when he eulogized our father over 20 years ago.
I am also reminded that Passover is not only when God’s Angel of Death passed over the houses of the Jews in the slaying of the first born of Egypt, favoring the Jewish slaves, but it is also the celebration of the passage of the Jewish people from serfdom and slavery to the self-definition of individuality and freedom as individuals and a nation. We force ourselves to eat matzoh – the bread of affliction, the bread of the poor. Indeed matzoh falls far short of bread as anyone who has ever tasted it can attest. Yet the rules of Passover include that we lean on pillows, relax and recline when we eat this crunchy matzoh – eating in a position that only free men can adapt.
I wondered how do the two worlds of the bread of affliction and reclining as freemen work together? The answer Rabbi Soleveitchik offers is that it is only the person who is capable of denuding him or herself from illusions and all pretenses who is truly free. For example, the person who is capable of accepting poverty - symbolized by the poor matzoh – yet remains an upstanding and forthright person – and retains an inner happiness - is the true freewoman.
After all, it seems fairly easy to feel and act free and with generosity when surrounded by riches and wealth. But when there is little – or nothing to spare – but you can do so freely anyhow, is when you are truly free of want.
Mom was a true freewoman. She freed herself from the poverty from which she sprung, but never lost her core values. Poor or rich, she loved to sing and act, and with my father, to dance as well. She cherished her siblings all her life, as she did her own Mother. Hers was the home to which our many cousins, Aunts and Uncles came to for holidays – both on Dad’s and Mom’s sides. Mom remained a proud supporter of the state of Israel all her life and of Jews everywhere. Mom held onto her Jewish and family values no matter what. And she retained her sense of humor and humility through it all.
I would like to thank each of you for coming here today. I know it may not be easy to disrupt your life to come here to give tribute to a woman who lived so very long.
So, I would like to give you each something to take with you on the way forward in your lives as a last gift from Mom.
While she didn’t leave behind a work of art to remember her by, what she left behind was her example and personal lessons to us. As I look out at you, I am hoping that you will also want to share Mom’s lessons with your children and grandchildren so that her spirit stays here for at least another 100 years.
So, to help us remember what she stood for, here are few of Mom’s lessons that come to mind. Let me know if you also heard these from Mom and if you have any others to share:
How to Handle Money:
Don’t overpay. Don’t let the Government cheat you or they will do it repeatedly. Same rule with the Grocer.
Always get a receipt. Then save them. A long, long time. You never know when you might need to return
Stocks are risky and they are for gamblers (like your father). Invest only in Treasury bonds.
Mom’s Practical Tips:
Fresh flowers are a waste of money. They die. Buy silk flowers.
Don’t mind the other guy, its fine to drive 20 MPH on the Freeway if that is what you feel comfortable doing.
If you are the daughter and I am the mother, better you should cry than I.
Don’t leave the kitchen dirty. Or untidy. Ever.
Washing machines at home are overrated. Use the laundromat.
Dishwashers at home are a nuisance. And if are so unfortunate as to have one in your home, better use it to store Tupperware.
When you leave the house, leave the radio on to scare away the robbers. Electronic protective systems are a ridiculous waste of money.
Buy on sale. Always get a deal.
About Marriage:
The best husbands are the generous kind.
Keep romance alive no matter how long you are married.
Your husband comes first.
About life:
Take pride in your:
-New York accent
-Religion
-Children’s accomplishments
-Jewelry.
Don’t give up.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
If you love or if you hate, then do it with all your heart.
Live your life as you want to. As you were meant to.
Don’t regret anything.
Don’t ever look backwards, live the moment.
Be content with what you have.
Oy vey, Mom. We knew, with our brains, it had to happen, that no body lasts forever and it was time for you to move away from us. Can we really complain to have enjoyed your company and love for so long?
But I never ever really believed it deep in my heart. I saw you slipping away from us. Despite it all. But even so, letting go of you is so very, very hard to do for me.
So please stay with us in our thoughts. I would like to transfer your songs and humour, your sense of fun and love over to the next generation and to the generations to come. I pray I am up to the task. And I hug you with all my heart, with the special love that we shared for each other, and deeply mourn its loss.
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Sara Sussman was a force to be reckoned with. Her son, my late husband,
Richard, used to say, “that train is coming down the track and we all best
get out of the way.”
She possessed a singular determination to get something done in her own
way more than anyone else I have ever known.
When Richard and I packed up her house and moved her to a retirement
community near us in Munster, Indiana, we quickly learned that while we
could take the girl out of New York, we would never succeed in taking
New York out of the girl.
The menu offerings for dinner at Hartsfield, her new home, always
included at least three entree choices. Drawing on her experience with
those vacations in the Catskills, she would happily order at least 2 of the 3
every night to the astonishment of the waiters.
The variety of local talent brought into Hartsfield for daily entertainment,
the accordion players, keyboard accompanists, ventriloquists and 2 piece
dance bands never, according to Sara, measured up to any of the
performances she enjoyed at Lincoln Center with Walter.
And right up until the end, she poured over the Sunday New York Times
like it was still her hometown paper. It took her a few days to get through
that thick tome with all its magazines and supplements, but she kept at it
and when she finally finished, she wanted to discuss.
She loved to give advice to the lovelorn, especially when they were also
her grandchildren.
More than once when I visited her at Hartsfield in assisted living, I would
find one of the staff chatting with her, a 20 something daughter in tow,
eager to receive the benefit of her broad experience. She would send them
on their way, receiving as payment the bragging rights for
how well she had set them straight.She loved to be the hero of her own
stories.
She loved to read, never minding when a books content sometimes fell
beyond full comprehension. She read Sapiens 3 times until she was
satisfied that she got it.
And near the end of her life, when she would close her eyes to concentrate
on forming words, you could see that determination to hold up her end of
the conversation. She never, ever, ever gave up.
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Dearest grandma,
I put together a list of the ten most valuable and meaningful lesions I will take from you, an almost 100-year-old wise, optimistic, and truly caring person I had the privilege of calling grandma.
1. Add music to your life – song, dance, theater, piano playing, ballet performances, and overall music are a key essence for a happy life. Music will fill your heart, allow you to dance though any difficulty and when there is nothing left to say – poems are the best words one can use.
2. Demand a hot bath at the end of a long day – you can tour the world, visit the highest mountains, the deepest valleys, the most extraordinary cultures, but at the end of each adventurous day you should always make sure you have a hot bath and a clean hotel room to rest your body. Only then may you continue to your next destination.
3. Plan dinner in advance – Living with you for a year, I learned, very quickly, that the very first question to be discussed, even before you brush your teeth is what should be served for dinner. Trying to avoid what seemed, at 7 AM, an irrelevant discussion would always result in the same response – If you don’t plan your dinner, meals on wheels will be the menu. If you prefer something else, dinner must be planned.
4. Don’t step on other people’s toes – A person’s toes (and especially your precious toes) are to be treated with care. Soaked daily in lukewarm water and brought every now and then to a medically and supervised toenail trim. As my siblings and I learned from a very young age – they are certainly not to be stepped on. But there is more than this literal lesson– it is a symbol of your approach in life, to live and let live, avoid stepping in other people’s territory and keeping a secure distance from other people’s personal lives.
5. Don’t dwell on the past – look forward. Never backwards. Life has its ups and downs but “it is what it is”. Accept the present and look and hope for the future. The past is part of you but there is nothing you can do to change it, so don’t bother trying.
6. Learn how to cook one dish – and stick with it – one should not waste hours in the kitchen. A single specialty dish is all your need to know to be considered a fine host. If you manage to truly professionalize the dish - your recipe will pass from generation to generation. Be assured that we are all acquainted and tasted your special dish. It is delicious.
7. Remember to have fun – These are probably the first words your told me on the day I got married and the last words you told me when we spoke just a few weeks ago. Remember to enjoy your life and have fun with your loved ones, that is the most important thing to do. I am planning on trying to do my best.
8. Save your tax and payment records for at least 7 years – As the overly organized professional secretary you were, the method of categorizing, alphabeting and monthly dividing well-kept envelopes all tax, payments and overall records are truly admirable. Learning to be even half as organized would probably suffice.
9. Be a pride Jew at heart – The Jewish rituals your observed demonstrated the true Jewish believer you were. Saying “Krishma” at night; lighting the Chanukah candles in the sink (“we do not want to burn the house, do we?”); hearing the shofar on high holidays; always having the “Kedma” grape juice at home, and for many years hosting your family for seder night, are all part of a deep presence of your true Jewish belief and pride.
10. Believe in true Love – last but not least, true love is what life is all about. Find your lifelong partner, stick with him, cherish the love your share, keep and nourish it daily. You believed you shard true love with grandpa and forever wished we experienced the same. But not only a believer. Love was a main topic of conversation - advice, stories and guidance were provided at any given time.
Grandma, there are so many more lessons your taught me over the years – don’t give advice to those who did not ask for it, be a good listener but don’t be afraid to speak what is on your mind, read books, understand current politics, be close to your siblings, protect your loved ones, be kind and add spice to life.
You provided and gave me so much over the years and I am truly thankful for the time I spent with you.
I love and will miss you dearly.
Your granddaughter, Noa.
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I remember my first solo visit to Grandma, or more correctly, my solo visit with my sister who was then 10 years old. I was seven.
We took a plane all alone to New York City, where we were met by Grandma and Grandpa and their big maroon car. They took us to their Queens home, for close to 3 weeks of fun.
And by fun, I mean joining in on their daily errands for 3 weeks. And boy, were there errands to run. Who knew how time-consuming daily tasks around the neighborhood could be? And how fulfilling??
From Sunday laundry day, that involved at least 4 consecutive visits to the corner laundromat to wash, dry and fold different colored clothes and then another return for a sock that dropped somewhere along the way, to going to the MAIL (oh, the endless mail…), running over to the bank or visiting the local library, to exchange a book and take out an old-time video to watch that evening on the brown couch in the study – there really was little time for anything else!
Grandma was always proud of how every need she could conceive, could be met within 4 blocks of her home. “I live in the best location”, she’d brag.
In general, Grandma was proud of the life and achievements – of the man she was married to for over 50 years, of the brilliant idea of putting peppermint gum into the raisin bran box to prevent ants from entering, of the heaps of romantic love magazines from the 50s lying in her packed basement.
Grandma was proud of who she was, and I grow up, I realize just how proud she should be. Though not one to elaborate about the past, yet from the bits I heard from my mother, I know her youth was no picnic. And, although she came out of it with wonderful tips such as “always date at least 3 guys at once, so you can compare…” there were many obstacles to overcome, most of which I assume I don’t even know about. It is therefore clear that what she achieved, was rightfully hers. And the incredible, loving, diverse family gathered in her honor today, that grandma led on her own for over 20 years, is one of the greater achievements.
Intuition, also, is a word to describe how I understand grandma’s way in life. All major life decisions – where to live, how to raise her children, how to store plastics in the dishwasher instead of using it for, well, washing, or buy a dozen fresh bagels once a week only to freeze them in quarters and defrost every morning.
As I raise my own little boy, I hope to find the confidence in my own voice, like grandma showed me. I am thankful to her for this lesson, as well as for teaching me that there is always room for second, and third, breakfast.
I love you, Grandma Sara.
Talia
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My sister Sara brought light and joy to our families for almost a century. When she was, only 12 years old she helped me see my first glimpse of light by assisting the doctor who delivered me at home. Throughout my childhood, she told me bedtime stories and sang sweet lullabies. During my adolescence, she guided me through many challenges and pitfalls.
When I was 10 years old, I saw Sara playing a Jewish mother in a tragic play called “Hanna and her Seven Sons.". In the story, each of her seven sons is executed for refusing to bow down to a godless, heartless king. When she learns that her last son is put to death, she collapses on the stage. This scene brought down the house and the curtain. I was thrilled and proud to see my sister win such applause, but I suddenly realized that I would have to share her lovely talents with other people.
My next rivals for Sara’s bounties were young men who asked her for “dates”. When I was upset about being left home, she took me along to play tennis and bicycle-riding in a park. I don't think most sisters do that.
After Sara married Walter, their home became an “Open House” for their extended families. She welcomed us and nourished us any time we dropped in.
Saturday evenings she led discussions in their living room on philosophical questions such as “Is humility a good thing?"
(A boxer who called himself “the greatest” was not present.)
On Passover Sara and Walter treated us to traditional, meaningful seders. Their children, Diane, Dickie and Lynn added beauty and intelligence to the seder table.
Over the years, Sara became Godmother to many young people who needed a warm heart or helping hand.
Our Mother recognized Sara’s goodness and wished her a good long life. We are all grateful that our Mother's wish has been granted.
Earl Warman
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