Eleonora R. Realmuto

Eleonora Realmuto was born on Jan. 20, 1939, the third of three sisters born to Italian immigrants. She grew up in the Bronx and as the “baby” of the family she wanted to emulate her two big sisters.

In a book that my cousin Linda compiled for her mother’s 80th birthday—she was my mother’s sister Josie—she asked family members to write about some of their favorite memories. Here is some of what my mom shared:

“We lived in the Bronx and one of the most vivid memories was a block party at the end of WW2. Tables were set up, refreshments were served, with everyone on the block jubilantly hugging each other in celebrations. This party went on until nightime, so I truly felt like a grown-up sharing in all the festivities!”

“Time passed with my sister Josie falling in love with Pat and marrying him 1 month before she turned 17. Lucky me, I now had a big brother and became a loving aunt to their children Mario, Paul and Linda. As I got older, I was thrilled to be trusted enough to become their babysitter. My fondest memories were watching how much my sister loved and cared for her husband and family, just as my parents had cared for us. When I babysat, my sister was also very strict when she left instructions that I was not to play with them, making sure they got to bed on time. Was she kidding?? I had a ball and lots of fun!”

“Christmas was a magical time, as we walked together up Tremont Ave. searching for the most spectacular tree at the best price! I’m sure Mario, Paul and Linda will not forget how it was decorated, especially those electric candle-looking lights that make bubbles!”

Sharing her fondest memories with all of you here today signifies how much family meant to her and how she carried on the legacy of her parents in prioritizing family above all else. She got married at 22 and by 27 had three children! While we didn’t have a lot, we always had what we needed. And she made sure each of us was treated special on our birthdays by making our favorite dinner and baking a cake. My favorite dinner was chicken with the orange sauce or, as most people call it, chicken cacciatore. Joey liked spaghetti and meatballs and a whipped cream cake so that’s what he got. And Phil loved his buttercream cakes!

She always stressed the importance of education and she led by example. She earned her Bachelor’s degree in Sociology at Hunter College, going part-time at night when we were young. And she didn’t miss a beat taking care of her family. How did she manage to do all that? And make it look easy no less. I was so proud of her. She even took me with her one night to sit in on a class. Afterwards we went to a nearby Baskin-Robbins to get ice cream. As far as my mother was concerned, ice cream was one of the major food groups. I have no doubt she went there after class on many other occasions!

She always saw the good in other people and always knew the right thing to say. I swear, when I was about 24, I thought “How does she do that?” It was like she had super powers. She was encouraging but gave us enough reign to make mistakes and learn from them. And she was there to help us pick up the pieces if we faltered.

She loved singing and joined the church choir for a while. She loved photography and bought equipment so she could develop pictures at home. And she loved gardening. When my parents bought their house in 1978, she would go to various garden centers and get plants to bring her vision to life.

She also had a great appreciation for the Asian culture and shared that with her first-born son Joey. They would go to Chinatown every year to see the parade then go out to eat. Did I mention she loved to eat? And Chinese food was one of her favorites. We would take her to the buffet and she would pile two plates high with food and finish it all, then get some dessert and, of course, ice cream.

She joined her son Phil on excursions to car shows or sometimes he would just call her up and pick her up to go for a ride. They also took a trip to Disneyworld together.

She loved animals, all creatures great and small (except bugs). I can’t tell you how many cats we rescued and took to North Shore Animal League over the years. Somehow they knew to come to her doorstep. Of course, there were some that she took in. I think she would have taken them all in if she could have but our father wouldn’t have been too happy. My brother Phil even brought home a dog one day that had been abandoned outside a store. Yes, we took him in and named him Teddy. I even had hamsters as a young girl and would put them in the bathtub when I had to clean their cage. I would often hear my mother talking to them when she was in the bathroom.

I would be remiss if I did not mention her infectious laugh. I can remember when her nephew, our cousin Chris, would come and visit on Saturday nights and we’d put Saturday Night Live on. She would crack up at the skits, which in turn would make the rest of us crack up even more.

It’s true when they say that you never fully appreciate your parents until you become one yourself. When I found out I was expecting, I broke the news to my mom on her birthday that year. She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye as if to say “really?”, like I was joking. I said yes, the baby is due in July. She couldn’t have been more happy. I think it was the best birthday present she ever received.

And what a great grandma she was. It was heartwarming to see the relationship between her and my daughter Caitlin blossom over the years. Caitlin called her “amma” because she couldn’t pronounce grandma. As she entered her toddler years, my mother’s favorite nickname for her was “big shot”. She would always tell her “you’re a big shot.” In fact, one time in the car the song “Big Shot” by Billy Joel came on the radio and I glanced back and saw Caitlin in her car seat with a big smile on her face. I think she thought that song was about her! 😊

Caitlin would spend a lot of time on the phone talking with “amma”. One time she just kept talking in the kitchen, twirling about, as the phone cord wrapped around her little body. They used to read together too. Before Caitlin even knew how to read, she picked up a book that we had read together so many times she had it memorized. As she read to “amma”, “Once upon a time” came out as “once abatta ti”. My mother’s infectious laugh took over once again as she marveled over their storytime.

When Caitlin was older, they watched Victor Borge together and mom laughed so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes.

It is these memories and so many more that I will hold close to my heart in the coming days, weeks, months, years. As many of you know, my mother was gradually taken away from us by the plight of dementia. As the years went on, she seemed more at peace. Even at the worst stages of the disease, you could still see her personality shine through. We just had to look a little harder.

My mother was always a very strong, smart, independent woman. She even spoke a few different languages. This is how I want her to be remembered. And if she were still here I think she’d use her wisdom to remind people that tomorrow is not promised to any of us and we need to be kinder and more patient to each other.

My mom always loved angels. Well, now heaven has another angel. Rest in peace Mommy. You will be in our hearts forever.

A visitation for Eleonora will be held Wednesday, January 17, 2024 from 4:00 PM to 9:00 PM at Frederick Funeral Home, 192-15 Northern Boulevard, Flushing, NY 11358. A funeral mass will occur Thursday, January 18, 2024 from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM at Holy Family R.C. Church, 175-20 74th Ave, Flushing, NY 11366. An interment will occur Thursday, January 18, 2024 from 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM at Pinelawn Memorial Park, 2030 Wellwood Avenue, Farmingdale, NY 11735.

In lieu of flowers please make a donation to any animal rescue charity of your choice in loving memory of Eleonora.