Anna Barker

Barker, Anna (nee Tymchyshyn) – Passed away suddenly at the Sault Area Hospital on Thursday, July 7, 2016, at the age of 86. Beloved wife of the late Ralph William Barker. Loving and devoted mother of Tymothy (Bonnie), Ralph (Christine), and Anastasia (Hanna). Cherished Baba & Gramma to Lynnea & Brandon Barker, Taylor & Emily Barker, and Salem, Alison & Simon Bortcosh. Loving daughter of the late Michael and the late Pauline Tymchyshyn (nee Tokarski). Dear sister of the late Mary White, and sister-in-law to Carole Parton (late Bill), and late Beverly Barcis (Paul). Fondly remembered by many nieces, nephews, family and friends. Friends and family may call at the Arthur Funeral Home & Cremation Centre on Wednesday, July 13, 2016 from 11:00am – 1:00pm for visitation, followed by a funeral service at 1:30pm. Rev. Larry Burton officiating. Interment Greenwood Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations to the Alzheimer’s Society would be appreciated by the family. Special thanks to the staff at Extendicare Mapleview for their support and care for Mom over the last few years.

Anna Barker (nee Tymchyshyn):

Our Mother’s Final Story

Funeral: July 13, 2016 (passed away July 7, 2016)

Today we are gathered to pay our respects and celebrate the life of Anna Barker.

The last few years of Anna’s life have been difficult, and have not necessarily been quality living. So, today, I’d like you to imagine that you’re watching a movie. You know, the kind that starts with the end. The kind that shows you a glimpse of the final outcome, but takes you back to the start in order to understand. Like the movie Titanic, with the aged lady “Rose” talking in the present, and then it takes you back to the start and fills in the vivid picture of a beautiful young woman, her life, and her voyage along the way.

For Mom and for us, the end of the movie has been challenging and wasn’t the end that we would have selected had we written the movie. But we didn’t write the movie, and we were all simply actors.

For the last few years Mom battled the disease of dementia. There’s a reason that they call Alzheimer’s Disease, which is a form of dementia, the long goodbye. The Long Goodbye was the title of a book written by the daughter of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan. In the book, she describes the process of losing her father to Alzheimer’s as saying goodbye in stages. She wrote “Alzheimer’s disease snips away at the threads, a slow unraveling, a steady retreat; as a witness all you can do is watch, cry, and whisper a soft stream of goodbyes”.

That is the end of the movie that we have watched, suffering with Mom over the last few years, painfully watching the slow evaporation of her remaining mental and physical abilities. For all of us that loved her, perhaps the most difficult aspect of the ordeal has been our inability to tell how much anguish Mom experienced, and yearning for her to be able to tell us if it hurt.

Today though, we’re here to celebrate Mom’s life. We’re here to see in our minds the start of the movie, when the Titanic’s Rose was young, vibrant, beautiful, and full of life. So let’s begin. Sit back, grab your popcorn, and listen to the movie that was Anna’s life.

Anna was born on September 30, 1929, to Michael and Pauline Tymchyshyn. Her parents are a classic story of Canadiana. Two Ukrainian immigrants, fresh off the boat with nothing but a suitcase full of clothes, hopes, and dreams. They had next to nothing, except character, fortitude, the ability to work hard, and the dream of a better life. Those values were quickly passed to Anna, and her sister Mary who joined the family 3-1/2 years after Anna.

Early on, the Tymchyshyns lived a typical immigrant life at their home on Northland Road, here in Sault Ste. Marie. There was love, family, participation in the local Ukrainian community, church, hard work, and a garden. A huge garden. Rows and rows of vegetables, flowers, fruit, and other produce. Ukrainian was spoken at home, English at school, and Anna was extremely fluent in both written and verbal Ukrainian and English. So fluent that later in life, on one of her world travels, Russian authorities challenged that she must have been a defector from the Soviet Union, as it wasn’t possible for someone so fluent to have been born in Canada.

As Anna entered her teenage years, things again followed what was a typical immigrant story. The immigrant story of ensuring that the children had the opportunity to do ‘better’, to do ‘more’, and the challenge to lead a better life than her parents had been offered.

Anna took up that challenge, embarking on a long, successful life of caring, giving, and hard work. As I describe her story there will be themes – that of family, teaching, giving, travelling, character, courage, and principle.

Early on, as a young woman, Mom soon began to venture from the well worn path that women of the day were supposed to follow. She played basketball at high school, curled, and participated in school clubs; things that today are typical, but at the time would have been pushing the boundary.

Anna then went on to university to attend teacher’s college. Mom was a well read and educated woman, and soon began her career as a teacher. And she loved to teach. It was perhaps her proudest skill, and she was a fantastic teacher. Anna taught primary grades, at several local schools, including S.F.Howe, Clergue, and Alex Muir. She prided herself on the fact that she could take a class of 30+ grade 1 students of varying abilities, and end the year with every single student being able to read and write. In Mom’s mind, there was nobody that couldn’t be taught to read and write, or do math, and everyone deserved the opportunity to learn. Many times over the years, former students would approach her in public venues and thank her for how she encouraged them and gave them the basics that would serve them well for the rest of their lives. As recently as this week, one of the condolences received for Mom was from a former student who described Mom as one of her favorite teachers.

This trait of giving to others would reveal itself in many ways over her life. Interestingly, sorting through papers from her house recently, I found a very old yellowed and weathered page; it contains a series of quotes from a variety of authors, handwritten by Mom. When she wrote it she must have been reflecting on life and her need to help others – one of the quotes on it, from Edwin Markham went as follows:

There is a destiny that makes us brothers,

None goes his way alone,

All that we send into the lives of others

Comes back into our own.

As Anna continued on with this stage, and other stages, of her life, she lived this philosophy of giving to others routinely. Teaching continued to be a huge component of her life, but she also helped others through other means. Mom was an early union advocate, representing local teachers in the Ontario Teachers Federation and fighting for their causes, when unions were not yet entrenched. She was also an active member of the Rebekkah Lodge, an order of the Odd Fellows lodge. The philosophy of the Rebekkah’s is to live peaceably and do good unto all, and to believe in friendship, love, and truth – things that Anna believed in and exemplified throughout her life.

At points throughout her life, Anna was not only involved in the teachers’ union and the Rebekkah lodge, but she also was a member of the 49th Regiment’s Ladies Auxilliary, and a camp counsellor at Camp Wakonda. All these were activities where she gave of herself, to better others.

Mom was also religious and had a strong faith in God. She was a life long member in her church, starting at All People’s United church and moving to John Wesley United church when they amalgamated. Mom also served as a Board director and active member on committees at both churches.

Mom was also active in a variety of athletics and other activities over her life. In addition to her high school basketball, and curling, she also cross country skied, was an active member of the Northern Heights Tennis Club, fished, and walked. As recently as two years ago, Mom would walk from her house to downtown and back. Mom also routinely played bridge, a very intellectual game, with a number of different card groups, and she loved to garden. Her love of gardening came from her parents, and our house was always surrounded by beautiful flower gardens and the backyard was full of vegetables and fruits.

Anna also loved to travel. In her early years, as a single woman, she owned her own car and travelled frequently. This was again, not necessarily common at that time, but Mom ventured out and explored the world, both independently and with others. Over the years, she travelled throughout most of Canada, a large part of the United States, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, and Europe. That seems like a fairly routine list today, but at the time it was quite remarkable for a young woman, born to immigrants.

As we’ve seen so far in our movie, Anna was a vibrant, active, and courageous woman. However, she was also a beautiful young woman, who had visions of a family.

In 1957, Anna met Ralph William Barker, who would become the only love of her life. Their courtship was relatively short, and in August of 1958 they married. Anna and Ralph had a long, loving marriage, remaining married for just shy of 50 years until Dad passed away.

Mom and Dad had a zest for life, and enjoyed lots of things together. Travelling, sharing each others clubs and activities, the pipe band, camp, and parties. They both loved to go to parties, and they loved to dance, particularly the polka. We kids all have engrained memories of them doing the polka, flinging quickly across the ballroom floors whenever they had a chance. Mom would never turn down the chance to get up and polka with someone.

Soon after though, a family began to arrive. Tymothy arrived in August of 1961, Ralph in 1963, and Anastasia in 1965. Children changed everything, and family meant everything.

Once Tym arrived, Mom changed her life direction, and began to follow what was then the traditional path for women, which meant staying at home. She never worked at a paying job again after that, although she probably wanted to. She continued to be active with things, but not as much as she probably wanted. She had made a decision that her children and her family were what mattered. She gave unconditionally to ensure that we all had what we needed, and that we were given opportunities to be successful. She and Dad continued to pass down what they had been taught – they taught us about love, family, hard work, and character. Mom & Dad were successful in life, in a number of ways, and we never wanted. Yet, neither of them ever mentioned money. Ever. We were taught to appreciate what we had, to work hard for it, and to give to others. But we never talked about social status or wealth. These were not important things to Mom or Dad, but family was. Family was everything.

We had large extended families, and Mom knew all of them. Not only did she take time to go to all of the activities that we three kids participated in, but she also took time to go to family celebrations, graduations, and other events for many nieces and nephews. She thought highly of them and spoke often about all of them.

Mom also loved her children’s spouses, and embraced them as they married into the family. First Christine, then Hanna, and then Bonnie. She loved them like her own kids.

Mom’s love for family was so extensive that, after her parents’ deaths, she felt compelled to understand where they came from and to ensure that a connection with the remaining family members in Europe was carried on. As a result, Mom reignited some of the adventurous and courageous side within her from earlier days, and began to plan her travel to Ukraine. Again, today this would seem relatively simple, but at that time, in 1975, it was extremely rare. Ukraine sat within the ‘iron curtain’ of the eastern bloc countries, and Mom spent several years working to get travel visas that would let her and sister Mary travel to meet their relatives. Eventually, they succeeded and travelled to Poland and Russia in the heat of the cold war. A second trip including taking Dad and us kids. The middle of Ukraine, cold war, communist eastern bloc country, KGB in the restaurant watching us, and Mom being shuffled out the back door under cloak and dagger to go and meet family. But she went and met them. She gave them the clothes and money she had brought in for them. She wrote letters to them for years and years. Family meant everything.

As grandkids came along, Mom would travel to see them in Toronto, California, Pancake Bay, or wherever they were. She loved them all like her own kids. Seven grandchildren sit here today, and she loved them all. Some of them have not had the chance to know the young, vibrant woman from the start of our movie, and have only seen her in her later years, but she would want you all to know that she loved you from the bottom of her heart. Anytime I visited, I would tell her that I loved her as I left. She has had no words available to her for two years, and yet every time I said that she would reply “I love you too, and I love all your family.” How did she get those words out? Those are the only words she’s spoken in two years. Family meant everything.

As we cleaned out Mom’s house, it was amazing the things that we came across that were part of her life. Things that we kids didn’t necessarily know about, or remember that she had done. She had told us those things, I’m sure, but we either forgot them or didn’t even listen. After all, she was just our Mom, and it wasn’t about her, it was always about us, which was fine with her. But as I’ve reflected on all the things she did, just as we learned about Rose in the Titanic, I remembered that she wasn’t just a mother. I’ve described a number of her adventures today, but I’m sure I missed a bunch. She was a beautiful, vibrant, active woman. She was the best mother that anyone could ask for. She loved life. She lived life. She would always want that we live life.

In fact, here is a final quote that Mom had on the sheet that I found. It’s from Robert Louis Stevenson, and Mom would want the grandkids to know that she believed in it:

“When we look into the long avenue of the future and see the good there is for each one of us to do, we realize, after all, what a beautiful thing it is to work, and live, and to be happy.”

It will be our challenge in life to try and live to the standards of character, principle, and giving that Mom and Dad taught us, and to ensure that the next generation of Barkers and Bortcoshes learn the importance of such character. If we can live to half the standard that Mom did, we will be great citizens of this world, which is what she would want most.

Mom’s love of family, and willingness to give, has helped carry us through many difficult times in each of our lives and given us the successful lives that we lead. So, today, it is our turn to give to our mother and carry her, for one last time. As we bury her and say goodbye, we will ask God to lift her character to our heavy hearts, to carry on her honour, and we pray that we will do her proud.

And so, as we return to the end of the movie, to see the final part, we picture Rose in the Titanic telling the final pieces of her story. For me, that picture comes from this last Thursday afternoon, the day that Mom passed. As I sat with her in her room, I thought of the pictures and videos that I have of her from before the dementia touched her. Before her appearance and mobility left, and before her voice left her unable to talk. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch those videos or pictures over the last couple of years, but I did last week in my mind as I sat with her. There she was – vibrant, strong, beautiful, smiling, and laughing with me. She loved to laugh.

I told her that she was the best mother that we could ever have had, and I thanked her for being my mother. She couldn’t answer back. She just looked at me. But I knew that she heard. I saw it in her eyes. And we said goodbye.

Your family loves you Mom. Forever.