Debra Rae Fulwiler

Thank you for whatever role you played in my mom’s life. I know that each and every one of you held a special place in her heart. Each of you got to see a different side of her or walked with her during various stages of her life- whether it was for a moment, a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I was lucky enough to be bestowed with the task of being her daughter…let me tell you it wasn’t always easy, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I will never forget how she was always there for me, giving me all that she could, even if it meant she went without. She will be remembered for her ability to love, her great sense of humor, her stubbornness, her sentimentality, and for the way she met people where they were at and walked with them on their journey. If she could help you, she would or at least point you in the right direction or get you contact information for what you needed.

My mom overcame many challenges throughout her lifetime and was not always a physically well person. She was, however, a fighter. There were many different times she almost died, whether it was when she had shingles when I was two or one of the many surgeries & hospital stays that occurred. We often joked she needed a frequent visitor’s punch card for how many times she was in and out of medical facilities; and thought for sure she had earned at least one free stay. However, she took what she was given and always tried to better herself. Since moving to Monroe, she really committed herself to being as healthy as possible (except when it came to chocolate of course). She became healthier and tried to be as physically active has her body would allow her to be. She often felt frustrated because her spirit and motivation was there, but her body kept “breaking down” on her. She was always trying to find the next best way to get some exercise in her whether it was getting up to go swimming at the Y at 4am or using her Qubii stationary bike pedal under her desk. She was constantly taking healthy cooking classes online as well.

She enjoyed watching movies, reading, and playing games. Her favorite games involved anything that allowed her to show off her extensive vocabulary…if it had “scrabble” or “words” in the title, she was playing it. It was through her playing of these games online that she connected with many people around the world. She has friends in Australia, the UK, and all over the US. She was able to connect with others in a way she wasn’t always able to in her “real” life. She often told me about the lives of some of her friends & the advice they often solicited from her. She was able to help a lot of people from relationship issues all the way to helping sort out medical billing, and more. She was their biggest cheerleader when these friends accomplished something or when they made it through to the other side of their difficulties. It seemed as if she was always on the phone with someone, never too busy to lend a listening ear.

My mom was a huge lover of music. She actually has a file on her computer with a spreadsheet of every CD she purchased and carried around a printout with her so when she went to the store to buy a new one, she could check to see if she already had it or not. Often times, we would walk past her bedroom and her music would be turned up, full blast, and she’d be singing at the top of her lungs. She had quite the eclectic taste in music…everything from Classical to Mow town… Kelly Clarkson to Maroon 5…Christian music to Top 40. She was, however, very adamant, that she did not care for rap or heavy metal. Matt and I often commented how we felt she was actually more of a teenager than a person in her twilight years. I can still hear her singing those songs, and I hope that never goes away.

She also loved kids! She enjoyed volunteering from time to time in my classroom and watching me teach. She always told me that she felt I really found my calling as an educator and how proud she was of me. Growing up, she was often a “bonus mom” to many of my friends…offering rides after school, giving people a place to stay, making sure everyone was fed, and driving us wherever we needed to go in her Astro van. I had some epic sleep overs, pre-dance primping parties, and premiere chauffer service to all the best neighborhoods for trick-or-treating on Halloween Night. At one point in time, she also volunteered in the NICU at a local hospital rocking babies. One of her greatest joys was palling around with my youngest niece, Paige. Paige would come over for playdates with my mom…often watching movies, going to the park, playing card games, and reading books together. My mom would also take her to church with her to pray and run errands around town, just like she did when I was little. Sometimes she would accidentally call her “Bethie” from time to time….to which Paige always answered, “I’m Pagie…not Aunt Bethie!” I’m so glad my mom got to have that very special relationship with Paige.

My mom was also a lover of animals. She would drive to the park to read and sit out and look at the water. While there, she’d feed the crows, squirrels, and seagulls from her car window. She was constantly watching and listening eagle-cams from around the world. Because she was deaf in one ear, that also meant that we too, were listening to the eagle cams from wherever we were in the house. She spoiled her “grand-fur babies”…often buying our dog, Bianca, endless bags of treats and what seemed like a new toy every other week. Each time I would tell her that she didn’t need any more, to which she remarked, “oh yes she does, she told me.” I never knew she was a dog whisperer, but I do know that I have a huge toybox of dog toys that will keep our dog busy for years to come. She had a great relationship with our cats as well, often chatting with them as she made her way through the house…don’t worry, she spoiled them too.

My mom was also adventurous…She was always willing to go on a drive…in fact, she drove cross country many times throughout her lifetime. In 2015, she and I travelled all the way to Maine and back; an experience I will always treasure. The last time she went cross country was last summer. She was gone on her adventure for two months. She stopped at many Catholic shrines & historical places along the way, and she loved every bit of that trip. Traveling was something that invigorated my mom. After coming back from her last trip, she was more happy, alive, and healthy than I had seen her in a long time. I’m so glad she got that opportunity to travel. Her travel advice to me was always to make sure to see everything you want to see while you are there, because you never know if you will get to go back that way again. The only two states she never made it to was Alaska and Florida. We were even working on a short road trip for this upcoming summer through the Southwest to Texas and back.

To say my mom was sentimental would be an understatement. She appreciated knowing family history, holding onto family heirlooms/antiques, stories, and memories. The memories of visiting her grandma, Velma, were stories she always talked about and were some of her happiest moments from life. She learned how to sew, can various sundries, and cook from her. She’d also talk about the family gatherings & Sunday dinners with aunts, uncles, & cousins at her grandparent’s home in Enumclaw. She enjoyed visiting cousins in Twisp and told me once where she was playing in the river and fell over and thought she was going to drown. She began to panic and call for help when some boys, who were standing on the bridge, kept yelling at her to just stand up. It turned out, she was only in about 6 inches of water…but scary to a little kid, I’m sure. She had lifelong friends from childhood, Chris, Ellen, & Carol that meant the world to her. She would often tell me stories about growing up with them and playing in the neighborhood as kids and later into their teenage years. They were never too far from her mind, even while she was in the hospital before passing away. Kerry was another friend from her teenage/young adulthood years and she told me many stories of the great times they had together, including their trip to Hawaii. In her adult years, she met our family friend, Jan, who had a son a year younger than I was. One of the best memories from my childhood was when the four of us were in a pool and us kids got onto our mom’s backs. Then they proceeded to race each other and run around, while Evan and I held on for dear life! Of course, she had endless stories she told about me and kept almost every picture, letter, and project I made throughout my school years. Always the proud mama.

She had the most amazing sense of humor…in almost anything, she found humor…and even through our sadness right now, I’m sure she would be asking that we remember her humor in this moment. She had endless zingers and quips to respond to you with…and once in awhile you would get her back so good, she wouldn’t have a response, other than to get upset at you for being “bested”. Just recently my mom spent an hour trying to figure out how to set my Eco-device alarm to go off at 2am by playing an annoying song. We foiled her plan because Matt had an appointment to set the alarm for and it asked us if we wanted to cancel the 2am alarm. We quickly realized my mom was the one behind this. Truly, I was impressed that she figured out to do this. We were laughing so hard from our perspective bedrooms that night. Mom was so upset it took her that long to set it up, only to be disappointed that the payoff she had hoped for would not happen. Even when she was at Providence, she kept her humor about her. When I arrived at the hospital to visit my mom, and the nurses/doctors were laughing because of something she had said…even in her pain and discomfort, she was still letting her great personality shine through.

Finally, I want to talk about her faith. My mom’s faith truly was a great example to all who knew her. It is one of the biggest things she has passed on to me, and for that I am eternally grateful. She always made sure that going to Mass, giving back, helping where I could, & praying regularly was always a priority & essential part of my upbringing. Her faith is what sustained her through the many trials in her life and throughout all the moments of joy. She was always praying, was part of a Bible study group, pre-pandemic we would often go with her to her parish’s Generations of Faith classes…where once a month her community would get together, share a meal, participate in an activity before going to listen to Fr. Bloom speak, followed by time for adoration. A couple of summers ago, mom and I also helped to organize Fr. Bloom’s office- something that was very important for my mom to complete. If she could, she would always help those in need, whether it was to offer to buy them a meal or give them a couple of bucks as she drove by. There wasn’t anyone she wasn’t willing to share with, even if she was down to her last dollar. Acts of service, Spiritual works of Mercy was something she instilled in me from a very young age. Growing up, we would volunteer weekly at the local foodbank/soup kitchen and visit those at the senior center a few times a week. It wasn’t until I was older, I realized that it wasn’t normal to have a plethora of “grandparents”. I only hope that I can pass that example of faith, kindness, and care of all on as beautifully as she did to all those around her.

These and the millions of memories and stories I’ve been told by mom and about my mom are what I choose to keep with me. She was many things to people…not just my mom; that was just one of the crowns she wore. She was also a daughter, a sister, aunt, cousin, at one time a wife, friend, and a confidant. Life was not always easy for her, but I do not think she would want us to remember the hard times, but to cling onto the happy memories; those times we can take the most comfort in because we feel her most while thinking of them.

Thank you!