Bette Rae Collom

Bette’s favorite poet, E. E. Cummings once wrote that poetry is about “process” rather than “product” & for anyone who knew her —Bette Rae Collom — was a deep believer in the fact that just about everything is “process”! And that there was little use of things remaining static. She held this as her approach to life, to music, to politics, even to notions of herself. That things should be in flow, flux, in movement; this was good & exactly as it should be as far as Bette was concerned.

Bette Rae Gibson was born in Owosso, Michigan on August 1st, 1937 to Edgar Hampton Gibson & Elizabeth (Bertha) Fields. Bette was born the youngest sister of her late brother Bud, her late sisters Ruth, Dorothea Joeh & Ann & is survived by a youngest brother, Robert Gibson, who resides in California.

Bette Rae Collom died in her sleep on September 27, 2023, at the age of 86. She fell asleep at home listening to her favorite jazz group, The Dave Brubeck Quartet.

Bette was an English teacher at Massapequa High School & began teaching there in 1970. Teaching was a deep passion in her life; she loved teaching young people & it was at Massapequa High School where she found her most lasting & loving friendships, both students and peers. Deepest gratitude to Ann McPartlin, Mary Lambert, Lila & Ray Schmitt, Pete Senese, Shirley Lenker, Arline Martin, Mary Meyers, Linda Frank, Elyn Coyle, Billie Kaiser, Chrissy Bagitakos, Kathy Cantanno, Ronnie & the late Walter Schleimann, the late Ruth Emler & the late Bob Rizzi— and so many more of Bette's friends, too numerous to mention here. It is impossible to list them all.

Bette was also a Kripalu-trained Yoga teacher upon retirement from Massapequa & received her teaching certificate & formed new friendships in this new adventure. Bette was devoted to each of these vocations & excelled at both; teaching yoga classes right into her late 70s!

Bette shared with many her life philosophy that was inclusive of all of the experiences of others. She practiced a form of spirituality that was based in patience, kindness, generosity & an incredible ability to see the many different perspectives in any given situation. She remained always curious, positive and open; this was not merely a personality quirk or trait - it was indeed her practice of being. She knew that it was often difficult & nearly impossible to remain neutral or objective & that it took care & attention to be open to others. This was always her goal; to allow space for the other to be exactly who they are. There was hardly a moment in an encounter with her that was not heart-felt & generous in some manner - either with her time, her attention, her assistance or her support. She was painstakingly reliable as well as a woman of her word. Bette would find a positive spin or a reason to smile in almost every instance & she was a positive influence & mentor to many. Bette was always quick with the wittiest pun, she loved language and her funny jokes reflected this, let’s admit it - she was a funny lady! And she always chose laughter & celebration over doldrums!

She was an avid reader, deep lover of poetry & prose —her favorite kind of prose being short stories. She was a reader across all genre’s, too - from her favorite horror fiction writer—Stephen King—to her favorite novel to teach—Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451. She also read everything in between: from —as mentioned—e.e. cummings to the Bhagavad Gita & from Nora Roberts to Rumi or the Koran. She always encouraged an open mind & humility towards things unknown or unknowable & was always learning new things & striving to expand her mind. Her humility was one of the deepest marks of her personality & she was often one of the smartest people in the room!

Bette closely followed current events & politics as well - always needing the NY Times in the house & remaining abreast of most global current events. She was the inaugural recipient of the SUNY at Farmingdale Award for Motivational Effectiveness—The FAME Award, in 1993 & this award reflected her influence on students & colleagues alike. It was around this time that she built the radio station in MHS that was a popular teaching tool as well & place for students to gather & grow. She had campaigned for this project for years & she succeeded! She was devoted to teaching and public speaking and always said that she’d missed her calling as a radio announcer or actress.

Bette was also dedicated to an active life style; walking along the Jones Beach boardwalk for many years (where she met Tony) & enjoying swimming and soaking up the sun!

While it was difficult & isolating during these last few years —especially during Covid— with the inability to see friends & family & the necessity of taking care of her beloved partner the late Tony Menninger (who died in NY on August 1, 2023), Bette persevered. She had a bad fall & fractured her neck - which separated her from Tony - and necessitated her move up to Rhode Island, to live with her daughter, Samantha.

Before her accident & for years & years before Covid, Bette was involved in many activities in “The City”. She loved The Opera & the ballet, museums like the MET and music. She attended countless shows, plays & events with her dear friends & she enjoyed all sorts of entertainment, movies & concerts.

Bette had boundless & generous love for her family & friends. Yet she learned to be a mentor from one who mentored her well. The ex-wife of her brother, Bud, was the late Ellen Gibson. Bette became especially close with Ellen who was a key mentor in her life when Bette went to Michigan State University for a teaching degree with two very young sons to take care of. Ellen helped Bette get her BA degree before also getting an MA & going on to pursue the PhD. Much later in life Bette became the guardian of Ellen & traveled every 90 days to Michigan to make sure she was well cared for. Bette is survived by Bud’s three daughter’s Carol Ann Lyon, Mary Alice Hewitt & Janet Sue White.

While visiting Ellen in Michigan, Bette would visit her beloved niece, the late Judy Katheryn Shaver & Bette’s great-niece (Judy’s daughter) Stephanie Brown & her husband Doug. Bette also loved dearly their daughters, Gabbie, Alexandria & Maddie who brought much joy to Bette & Tony on their visits (& though she never got to meet them, she loved the pictures of her great-great nephews Cain & Levi).

In 1969, Bette followed her then new husband, Jeff Collom, from Michigan State University (where they met) to Long Island, New York. In Amityville, they began a new life with two young sons and their soon-to-be-born daughter. Bette is survived by her ex-husband Jeff, who resides in Florida.

Bette is survived by a nephew Doug Anderson & his wife Diane & a nephew John Anderson (both sons of her sister, Joeh); they are half brothers to the late Judy Shaver, the late Donald Syrek & the late Walter Syrek (children of her sister Ruth). Bette is survived also by children of Robert Gibson: her nephew, Robert Gibson Jr., & his wife Kim (who visited Bette & Tony from Australia), her nephew Liam & his wife Jenny & their children, Ella & Parker, as well as her niece, Melinda & her husband Jason & their daughter, Penny.

Bette is also survived by her beloved son, Jeffrey A. Blackburn & his wife Linda, who reside in Texas, and Bette’s beloved granddaughters, Danielle & Alexandra. She absolutely adored Alex’s son, Finley—her great-grandson. Bette is survived by her daughter, Samantha Dorian & her partner Jeff Delasanta, who reside in Rhode Island & his daughters, Ava & Lana.

To conclude this brief statement about Bette Rae Collom it is important to include three heart-aches of her life: the loss of her own Mother, who died when Bette was the tender age of nine, the loss of her first son, Donald Michael Blackburn, who died on January 11, 1995, & the loss of her longest friendship, her niece Sally Lee Barailloux, who died on March 15, 2022 (they had only a few month between them in age as Sally was the daughter of Bette’s older sister, Ann).

Bette believed that she would be happily reunited with those whom she had sorely missed & she often referred to the angels that surrounded her throughout her life. It is our hope that those angels are with her now & always as we remember her as the remarkable human being she indeed was: generous, kind, full of life, love & laughter.

In the near future, please consider contributing to the Bette Rae Collom Memorial Education Fund designed to be given to a graduating senior at Massapequa High School who is planning on majoring in Public Speaking or Communication. Please contact Samantha on the 14th of October for this information.

The Family is also grateful for the care, attention, & love shown by Bette’s private aides, who met her with humor & patience & loved her right back! Deep thanks also go to the entire team of Hope Hospice, Rhode Island for their care, assistance & expertise.