Mildred Safar

Milly Safar embodied community and vitality like few others throughout her very, very, full life. She was strong, loving, generous, fun, and deeply committed to justice and kindness. She loved to share stories, tell (dirty) jokes, attend parties, and spend time with family and dear friends. She was dignified and caring as an educator, union member, wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, friend, sister, and in every role she inhabited.

She was pre-deceased by her first husband Zvi Asten (Asatanowicz) (d. 1964), and her beloved second husband, Howard Safar (d. 1983). She was also pre-deceased by her dear granddaughter Iris Black (d. 2018). She leaves behind a huge and extended family, including daughter Debbi Black, son-in-law Andy Black, granddaughter Nina Mehta (Jason), and great granddaughter Leela Mehta Coiro. She was a second mother and incredibly close with Howard’s children, Janet Waldman (Paul) and Jonathan Safar (Sandy). She was grandmother to Daniel Melgar (Emily), David Waldman (Dana), Zully Burk, Wayne Waldman, and Dean Waldman, and great grandmother (GG) to their children Danny, Aidan Melgar, and Noelle Melgar, Hannah and Brady Waldman, Jack and Carly Waldman, Eddie Espinal, and Hunter Waldman.

She was deeply connected with her sisters who predeceased her, Ethel Morris (Weiss) and Judy Koral, and to their families, including Richard Weiss, Alfred Koral, Lynne Koral, Steven Koral, Peter Koral, and their children, Dimas, Matthew, and Christina. She was close with Zvi’s family, especially her pre-deceased sister-in-law Malka Inbal and her children, Ofer Inbal and Anat Berlin and their families, including Adi, Roi, Barak and Shir, and also her brother-in-law Simcha Asaf, especially Yaron Asatanowicz and family. She stayed connected to Zvi’s cousins who had emigrated to the United States from Poland and to the many generations part of this family branch, lovingly referred to as the Freeman Family. She also maintained affection with Howard’s family, including even the family of his deceased 2nd wife, Sarah Feldman. Milly had countless friends, including Blossom Perlick, Helen Hoffman, Paula Edgar, Adele Olson, Lily Gallagher, and many more who were like family, joining for holidays, dinners, and political conversation, and who stayed in each other’s orbits through life.

Milly Safar was born Mildred Lillian Brodsky, July 29, 1923 in Brooklyn, NY. She was raised with her dear sisters Ethel and Judy– the Brodsky sisters– daughters of Jeanne Bloom and Louis Brodsky. Her childhood, when she was called Mindy, or Mindala, was peppered with memories of occasionally living with other relatives, holidays at her grandfather Simon Bloom’s home on the Lower East Side, and skipping school to go to the movies during a particularly tumultuous period in her family’s life. She found refuge in politics, especially in fighting for racial and class justice with the Communist Party in the 1940’s-1960’s. After graduating from New Utrecht High School in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn in 1940, she joined the Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps to fight against fascism. She was stationed in California and the South, and, upon her return to New York City, enrolled at NYU and studied psychology. It was during this time that her roommate met a group of Merchant Marines on Coney Island and brought them back to have a party at their apartment in Chelsea, Manhattan. Milly met Zvi, one of the men in the group, they fell in love, and decided to marry. Shortly after, Zvi returned to the ship and eventually Milly joined him and his family in Haifa, Israel. During this time, Milly learned Hebrew and taught English at a Kibbutz, finding meaningful work and connections, as she always did.

Milly and Zvi returned to Brooklyn, and had their daughter, Debra. At home, she loved listening to Woody Guthrie, the Weavers, and Harry Belafonte, along with her old Benny Goodman records. Milly worked in children’s labor protection and they spent summers at Camp Unity, a worker’s summer camp and one of the first multiracial camps in the United States. After Zvi died in 1964 from a long and protracted illness, Milly continued to work to support the family, including her mother Jeanne, who occasionally lived with them, and studied for her Master’s degree to become a school counselor. She met her second husband, Howard, while delivering paperwork to his office of youth mental health. While hesitant at first, since they were both recently widowed, they were clearly a loving match, and she spent her happiest days married to him. Milly’s career was happily diverted towards working as a New York City public school teacher in Brooklyn and then in Staten Island, where she and Howard eventually moved. She loved teaching, being part of the Teacher’s union, being married to Howard, and seeing her family grow. She and Howard dressed up for dinners, concerts, and parties– she loved to dance– and they enjoyed traveling and summers upstate in the Catskills and in the Adirondacks with family and friends.

When Howard died in 1983, Milly never shied from sharing her feelings of love and grief, and she carried him in her heart as she continued to live with vibrancy and grace and with a fierce independence. She maintained her devotion to family, hosted holidays, made healing chicken soup, devoured mystery novels, traveled extensively around the world, and continued to spend summers in the Adirondacks with her granddaughter, Nina, near her sister Judy and Al’s bungalow on Schroon Lake. Milly retired from classroom teaching in 1993 and continued to work with the UFT for some years after. In 1997, she decided to join friends and family – Mildred Kaplan from her grief group and Mildred Levenson, one of Zvi’s cousins and a dear relation– who had moved to New Jersey, and encouraged other friends to join her community. She was the president of the Single’s club at Concordia and hosted weekly political conversations, where she met new lifelong friends. In 2018, at age 96, she begrudgingly, but lovingly, moved to an assisted living facility to be closer to her daughter, Debbi. Her last years were spent with the same zest for life, even as she endured more grief with the continued loss of friends and family from her generation, and the tragic death of her granddaughter Iris. Even as she went from walker to wheelchair in her final months, she continued to join activities and events, delighted in visits from her great-granddaughter, Leela, depended on her 8pm nightly phone calls with her daughter Janet, and stayed connected to current events and politics, and to the many people she loved fiercely throughout her life.

Milly will be missed deeply even as her heart and spirit continue to live through her many meaningful relationships. May her memory be a blessing and be eternal.

A funeral service for Mildred will be held Sunday, December 15, 2024 at 11:00 AM at Bernheim-Apter-Kreitzman Suburban Funeral Chapel, 68 Old Short Hills Road, Livingston, NJ 07039. Following the funeral service will be a burial at United Hebrew Cemetery, 122 Arthur Kill Rd, New York, NY 10306.

To honor Milly, please feel free to donate to some of her favorite groups, Trevorproject.org, the local animal shelter of your choice, or St. Hubert's or Best Friends. She cared about animals, dignity, and justice for all, including LGBTQ+ rights.