Elaine Schwartz Kahn

Elaine Kahn (née Schwartz) was born on March 3,1926 in Muncie, Indiana. She died on December, 19 in Chevy Chase, Maryland, two-and-a-half months shy of her 98th birthday. From the time Elaine was in her 80s, she would shrug off tasks she didn’t want to do or advice she didn’t want to heed, by saying, “I am too old and too marvelous to (do whatever)”. She was half right, She was marvelous, but she never acted old, and truth be told she never shrugged off tasks that would make anyone else happier or better off. From the time she was a child, she lived a life that enriched the lives of those who knew her. Her life was one that made her a treasure to and treasured by friends and family. Elaine’s caring began early. When she was still a child her father suffered a stroke which left him without full control of the muscles on his left side. Beginning when she was a child and continuing when she was a teenager, tending to her father’s needs and keeping him company were part of Elaine’s life. Although she recalled unpleasant tasks when discussing her caring, like emptying bed pans, Elaine’s recollection of that period contained no hint of resentment or bitterness. Looking back at Elaine’s life, it is easy to conclude, and indeed is a family joke, that Elaine would not join any organization that would not make her its President. At Indiana University which she entered at age 17, she served as President of both her sorority and the Indiana campus Hillel. When she later moved to the D.C. area, she became President of the District of Columbia’s Woman’s Bar Association and later was President of the Business and Professional Women’s Foundation, an organization devoted to research aimed at improving conditions for working women. She also served for years as a Public Member of the Foreign Service Selection Board, an opportunity and a contribution she greatly valued. Elaine did not, however, seek organizational office. Rather organizations she joined sought her out for needed leadership, They recognized in Elaine the kind of intelligence, attention to detail and sense of responsibility that make for ideal leaders. It also helps if everyone likes you, and it is hard to find anyone who ever had a bad word to say about Elaine. Add to this Elaine’s reluctance to turn down requests for help, and you have a confluence of characteristics that leads to four organizational presidencies. Elaine married Melville Kahn in 1947. They divorced in 1954 but not before they spent a glorious, life-informing 14 months in Geneva, Switzerland while Mel studied for an advanced degree, and not before they had a child, Lisa Ann, who from the moment of her birth was the apple of her mother’s eye. But being the well cared for apple of an eye does not mean that one is always the best of company. With tongue only partly in cheek, Elaine often explained her decision to attend the George Washington University Law School when Lisa turned two as driven by her need to enjoy some adult company and conversation. Yet true to her nature, Elaine chose to go to night school so that she could care for Lisa by day. In attending law school in the 1950s, Elaine was a pioneer. When she began night school at GW, she was one of only two women in her class. By the year’s end, she was the only woman still enrolled. After graduation Elaine worked at the NLRB, but she left after a few years because she wanted to try being a “real lawyer.” For her real lawyering meant doing mainly court-appointed criminal defense work, as well as handling juvenile justice, mental health, workers compensation and family law cases, as well as probate matters and other legal problems that ordinary people regularly must deal with. Leaving comfortable federal employment for work that aided ordinary people, often including the least privileged members of society, seems typical Elaine. The law was not, however, the “calling” for Elaine that it is for some lawyers. Elaine’s calling was people. She had a broad friendship network. Well into her 80s, until she outlived her closest friends, Elaine would converse with some friends for hours each day. She played bridge with them, joined them in book clubs, took cruises with them, and otherwise enjoyed the richness that genuine friendships provide. Even more central to Elaine’s life than her dear friends were her close family. She adored her older brother Martin Schwartz. Although they were separated in age by nine years, it is hard to imagine a sibling pair who were prouder of each other and who more enjoyed each other’s company than Martin and Elaine. Together they united and enriched the lives of an extended family. Elaine was a favorite aunt to Marty’s children, Judy Ball, Susan Prigozen Obravac, Debby Schwartz, and Joan Todd. She in turn treasured her nieces, was concerned for their well-being, took pride in their accomplishments, and enjoyed their company. As the years passed and people grew older and married, she similarly valued the accomplishments and company of their spouses and of her niece's children and grandchildren, Jeffrey and Jonathan Ball, Hillary Ledwell, Marnie Lowden, Jason Prigozen, and Daniel and Lauren Todd, and the spouses they brought into the family. She had similar relations of mutual caring and love with two younger cousins, Ellen Weiss and Etta Sandler, their spouses and their children, Max Weiss and Zak Sandler. Martin Schwartz and Susan Obravac predeceased Elaine; the others named above survive her. Elaine’s most special and treasured relationship was with her daughter, Lisa Ann Kahn. They had a closeness that is perhaps unique to girls raised by single mothers. It embodied mutual affection so deeply rooted that it need not be expressed in words, and there was enough love coming from Elaine that when Ricky Lempert joined the family by marrying Lisa 21 years ago, he was embraced as a son. A special element of Elaine’s relationship with Lisa was that the closeness between them did not interfere with the sometimes fierce independence of either. The caring was reciprocal. Just as Elaine cared for Lisa when Lisa was growing up, Lisa cared for Elaine when Elaine grew older. Moreover, each cared in ways that respected the autonomy of the other, even when the other was a two-year old girl or a 90 year old woman who had difficulty walking. In the last 10 days of Elaine’s life, as Lisa was leaving her mother’s house for a walk, unbidden and for no discernible reason, Lisa’s I-Pad started playing Ringo Starr’s Walk With You, a song that Lisa did not know, and one which her mother probably never heard. The chorus to that song reads: When I walk with you When I talk with you Everything will be fine. The words recall long walks Lisa took for exercise during the last several years of Elaine’s life. While walking, she would call her mother, and for half an hour or more they would talk about most everything, from the trivial or silly to the political or profound. In her last days when Elaine could no longer walk and could barely talk, it is easy to believe that she had somehow found a way to send a message through an I-pad. This message complemented what she had said to Lisa perhaps a week earlier - that her reason to go on living was so that she could care for her daughter. It is tempting to believe that Elaine’s willingness to let go, was prompted by the realization that she would in a way always be with Lisa when Lisa went walking, and that everything would be fine During those same last days when Elaine could seldom put more than a few words together, several times one night she said to Ricky as he was leaving her side a word and a phrase. The word was “family.” The phrase was “We care for everyone.” These last words are at the heart of the story of Elaine’s life. (If you would like to honor Elaine with a charitable contribution in her name, two charities to which she contributed were Doctors Without Borders and the Indiana University Foundation.) A funeral service for Elaine will be held Thursday, December 21, 2023 from 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM at National Funeral Home, 7482 Lee Highway, Falls Church, VA 22042. A graveside service will occur Thursday, December 21, 2023 from 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM at National Memorial Park, 7482 Lee Highway, Falls Church, VA 22042. A reception will occur Thursday, December 21, 2023 from 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM, 7482 Lee Highway, Falls Church, VA 22042.