Kay was born in Birmingham, Alabama, on November 13, 1946, to James and Thelma “Polly” (Coppage) Middlebrooks. She was joined by her younger brother, David, in 1949. When Kay and David were young, their father was tragically killed in a car accident. Their mother, Polly, was a remarkably determined and courageous woman. Polly worked tirelessly to raise them as a single mother, teaching Kay and David the importance of perseverance and true Southern grit. Kay was heavily influenced by her mother’s strength and independence.
In childhood, Kay was very much a tomboy. She loved to run through the country in her bare feet, looking for insects and reptiles to collect. She often joked that as a child she hated being told to “act like a lady,” being forced to wear tights and frilly dresses while the boys were free to run around and get covered in dirt. She did not understand why boys were held to different standards, and she rebelled from the very beginning.
Kay excelled academically, earning a National Merit Scholarship to Birmingham-Southern College to complete a Bachelor of Science in biology. Kay then went on to earn a Master of Science in microbiology and immunology from the University of Alabama Birmingham. Following the completion of her graduate studies, Kay taught at Lawson State Community College, a historically black college. Kay spoke often of her experiences with sexism and racism in academia. She spoke openly of the injustices she observed and had several examples of times when she sacrificed her own professional advancement because she spoke up and advocated for the fair treatment of herself and others. Kay was very proud to be a vocal, strong-willed, an educated woman of the 1960s in the deep South. She was much like her mother: fierce, strong, and ready to fight tooth and nail for what she loved.
While attending graduate school at the University of Alabama Birmingham, Kay met and fell in love with a medical student in one of her classes, George Eugene Dailey III. George was instantly enamored. Kay appreciated finding an intelligent man who respected her mind as much as her beauty. They shared an immense love for science and jazz. They married on June 20, 1970.
Upon completion of medical school, George and Kay moved to California. George pursued a residency in endocrinology while Kay worked in a laboratory at the Scripps Research Institute. They welcomed their first son, Shane Randle Dailey, on May 12, 1975. From that point on, Kay devoted herself utterly and completely to her children. Following his residency, George joined the United States Navy, prompting them to relocate several times and traveling throughout Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, and Virginia. While living in Virginia, they welcomed their second son, Ian Alexander Dailey, on March 23, 1978.
In February of 1980, Kay and George moved their boys back to California so that they could establish roots. While George began practicing medicine at Scripps, Kay was actively involved in her sons’ education. She frequently volunteered in their classes. While doing so, Kay observed injustices within the educational system. She noted inadequacies in the identification and treatment of children with special needs, particularly learning disabilities. She saw how parents were easily railroaded by the educational system due to a lack of awareness about their rights. To address this, Kay co-founded the advocacy group Parents of Students in Special Education (POSSE). POSSE generated substantial changes in her boys’ school district at a time when early intervention for children was in its infancy.
As Shane and Ian grew up, Kay pursued her greatest love outside of family: tap dance. George built Kay a home dance studio so that she could practice every day. She developed a close-knit group of friends that shared her love for dance, and they ultimately formed a dance troupe that performed regularly. Kay shared the joys and pains of motherhood as well as the thrill of performance with this treasured group of women. They forever held a special place in her heart.
Kay’s personality and values are ever-present in her children. Like their mom, they value education, justice, and kindness. Like their mom, they hold a unique combination of tenderness and gumption. Shane and Ian grew to be remarkable men. Kay beamed with joy and pride at the mention of them. In 2011, Shane married Rose Schafer. Kay instantly treated Rose like the daughter she had never had, offering boundless love and guidance.
Throughout her life, Kay loved traveling the world with George. They truly traveled the entire globe. She was filled with anecdotes from their decades of travel. Some of our favorite memories of Kay are of her talking about her travels: eating phenomenal food in New Orleans, joking about the arrogance of the French that she met in Quebec, and exploring the wildlife of the Galapagos Islands.
Over the last 10 years, Kay began withdrawing from her friends and family somewhat. She became self-conscious of her memory impairments and developed a fear of getting lost outside the home. Sensing that her days of traveling were ending, the entire family took a trip to Hawaii in 2014. Kay said it was the best trip she had ever taken because all her kids were happy, healthy, and present. In hindsight, Kay seemed to know that her illness was progressing before anyone in the family detected it. She asked Rose to make sure the boys always stayed close and to “help be the glue of the family.”
By 2019, Kay’s dementia was profound. While Kay’s illness robbed her of some of her abilities, it never took away her spark or her kindness. Somehow her personality was able to shine through despite the disease process. To the very end, Kay always responded to her favorite things: her children, dark chocolate, and music. Here are some of our favorite anecdotes from Kay’s final days with us:
* When family would say “it’s good to see you,” Kay always replied, “it’s good to be seen.”
* Once while Shane was visiting, Rose asked Kay “Do you know who this is?” Kay studied his face and replied, “I’m not sure, but I really like him.”
* Even when she could not remember much about herself, Kay knew the words to “Love and Happiness” by Al Green and she would tap her feet when we played it for her.
* On her 75th birthday, Ian brought Kay a dark chocolate cake. We gave her an enormous piece – nearly as big as her head. She was typically a very small and dainty eater, but she loved that cake so much that we had to stop her from eating it all for fear that it would make her sick. Her face and hands were covered in frosting.
Kay was pre-deceased by her parents (James and Polly) and her beloved nephew, Bryan. Kay is survived by her devoted husband, Dr. George Eugene Dailey III, her children (Shane, Ian, and Rose), her baby brother, David Middlebrooks, and his family (wife Betsy and sons Allen and Ethan), as well as countless cousins, friends, admirers. Kay’s physical presence may be gone, but the impact of her love, intellect, and advocacy are never ending.
While we surely will miss her, we strongly believe that Kay would not want any of us to dwell in our sorrow. Instead, we believe she would want us to celebrate the beauty and impermanence of life with a
few of her favorites: wine, BBQ, jazz, and chocolate. In this spirit, we will be holding a Celebration of Life on Saturday June 11, 2022 at 12:00pm in Area # 1 of the San Dieguito County Park.
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