I went to college with Jay.  As you know, he was an A student. He was always willing to help me.  I just found out from the Clarkson magazine that he passed. Jay was one of God's good people. My condolences. 
Nick Venier

Part 4 - 

I got divorced and met my second wife Nancy and Jay met Lynn, the love of his life and the foundation for his beautiful family, while taking a ferry ride in Puget Sound.  I was so privileged to be the Best Man in Jay’s wedding to Lynn in Jay’s tiny hometown of Layton, New Jersey, a touching event shared with Jay and Lynn’s families.

I am sad to report that my relationship with Jay entered a period of eclipse later in life.  We both became focused on our families and careers, but that does not tell the whole story.    Our friendship was profound, a big element of our lives.  But it was also bound in context, the luxury of having much time and space together.   Without that, we headed in our different directions.   I can say for me, that our relationship back in the day was so strong and so important that I could just not take much satisfaction in something less intense and close.   I believe Jay felt the same way and, in that sense, we reached our separate peace.

In my life, I loved this man; he was important to me.   He was bright, kind, straight-up, positive and loving.

Jay has passed; may his spirit fly while at the same time continuing to reside with us.

To celebrate Jay, we look for a little bit of joy in every day and, as we find it, we think of him and our loved ones.


Part 3 - 

Divine intervention, the Gods of Fortune smiling, Lady Luck landing, bringing it home at Indy; we had been blessed with a great moment of joy!  It just seemed from that moment that we were golden.  The rest of the road trip rolled on in the same fashion, and we were fast friends, sharing unexpected adventures and tremendous opportunities for joyful laughter.

Jay and I rode this wave of friendship for the next four years we spent together in the JD/MBA program.  The numerous stories are so fun and humorous and the memories so grand that it would take way too many pages to even touch the surface to recount them.   Suffice to say, we road tripped, camped, fished, rafted, wine-coolered, John Fahey’ed and even went to school (much more so on the MBA side) enough to learn some good stuff.

After graduation, Jay planned to plant his flag in the Bay Area, and I wanted to settle in Seattle.   It almost goes without saying; Jay took a job in Seattle and I took a job in the Bay Area.   Of course, we stayed in contact and we had many new adventures like the motorcycle trip to Banff and Lake Louise.

Part 2 - 

Jay and I shared a deep attraction to and appreciation of the outdoors.   We were both hunters, and I a fisherman.  Since I had been an undergraduate at Stanford, I had travelled and camped extensively throughout California.  In the springtime of our first year at Law School and with my wife committed to a full time job, we decided that the two of us would embark upon a camping/fishing trip in the Sierras.  Jay had this old monster Chevy Caprice (which I later bought from him for $125) and off we went.   

The first night we made camp, pitched the tent, prepared some dehydrated food, the whole camping thing.   Jay showed off the fruits of his Master’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering, producing the “go-fire,” a device with a glass pipette attached to plastic tubing that could be used to concentrate oxygen on the embers of a campfire and re-ignite smoldering remnants of the fire or even start a fire in the rain.  It was ingenious; my son and I still have ours today.

We were still getting to know each other, to understand those things we shared and to come to terms with the many ways we were different.  The trip was off to a good start but the easel was still pretty blank.  At some point Jay got up to relieve himself in the woods, a normal guy thing.  After he sat back down at the campfire, Jay realized that he had brushed off his contact lens while back in the woods.  Suddenly our whole trip was hanging in the balance; Jay did not see (pun intended) how he could continue without the contact and he did not have a spare.    I opined that before we dealt with this completely dark setback, we should at least look for the contact.  With his advanced math background, Jay stated the obvious, the chances of finding a contact lens in the woods at night was infinitesimal.  I lit the Coleman lantern, had Jay re-trace his steps, stopped when he said to stop at some inconspicuous spot in the woods, held up the lantern and reached down and picked up Jay’s lens.


Part 1 - 

Jay and I were best friends; a friendship that was deep and abiding, at least from an existential sense if not a temporal one.  We were quite different, but somehow the differences in our background, worldview and experiences did not put us apart.   In fact, the ability to become comfortable about our differences and to accept the compromises necessary to sustain that comfort strengthened our bond and cemented our relationship.

Jay and I met in Civil Procedure class at the Stanford Law School.  We were randomly sitting next to one another, and I was called upon to answer a question by the professor.  Since I was barely paying attention in what I felt to be a terribly boring class, I misinterpreted the question. Upon humiliating myself with what most of the students thought was a laughable response, Jay turned to me and said he would have answered the question the very same way.   Jay was a kind soul and knew I needed a hand, a hand that reached out many times over the succeeding years.  It was a start.

The Stanford Law School was not a very warm place.   Law students are competitive and generally not very collaborative.  Yet when I saw Jay passing in the hallways, there was always a smile and soon some engaging conversations in the coffee shop or out in the Quad.   As time progressed, Jay was joining my wife and I for dinner, listening to music and getting to know each other, sharing stories about where we had come from and thinking about where we might be going.

I lived in my father’s house and had the privilege of being Jay’s next door neighbor for about 4 years. My father grew up in New Jersey not too far from Jay and it was certainly a different era. A time when your neighbors made sure they knew each other and were there to suppprt each other and showed kindness. Jay showed me exactly what the era felt like. The minute I moved next door to Jay he made sure that I felt welcome. He always extended an invitation to come over and visit with him and Lynn. He and Lynn were there for me on many accounts when I was having trouble and provided advice . Jay even came over to help me during a small fire and other troubles I had in the absence of my father being home. He was like an Uncle that I wished I always had and his kindness and comfort meant so very much to me. I DEEPLY regret not spending more time with him... My thoughts and sympathy to Lynn and his family. 

Because of Covid, I had not seen Jay in over a year, so I particularly treasure the long conversation that we had in late December.  I always had a paper and pen with me when we talked, ready to jot down some particularly illuminating observation.  But because it was the holiday season, we talked a lot about family and plans for the upcoming year. It was always an enjoyable conversation with Jay.  He  was a compassionate , humane and brilliant person with an engaging personality - his passing is a terrible loss for all.

Jim and I send our deepest sympathies to Jay's family and friends.
Margi and Jim Allison

Jay was so well regarded by those who knew him as a young man, through high school and onward to college at Clarkson College of Technology in Potsdam New York.  I will always remember his shy smile and his devotion to family and friends. May he rest forever, in peace, enveloped in the arms of his creator—- he will be missed 

JoAnn, I am so sorry to hear of Jay's passing. Can never forget skating on your family's pond and all the fun we had growing up.

Jay was an absolute quality gentleman. He was a client of mine and, in my 40 years of commercial real estate, I would say he was my best. Super bright, honest to a tee, a man who asked all the right questions as he sought to learn as much as we had to offer regarding a certain property opportunity. Jay taught me so much about business and, for that matter, life. I am so thankful to have known him. I will miss him and remember him with great fondness.

We have been grieving up here in Seattle and please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. I first met Jay as a summer intern at Sebco in the summer of 1997. Even though I was still fairly young, it was easy to ascertain that he was special, possessing a brilliant mind and serving as an impressive fountain of knowledge on a variety of subjects. 

One favorite memory I have with Jay is when we were driving to a property in South Lake Union and I asked him what he enjoyed most about his position. With almost child-like enthusiasm, he responded that it felt like he was playing the board game Monopoly, but with many more facets and moving parts!   
 
I will miss emailing with Jay about interest rates and the tax code. I will miss his laugh. Most importantly I will never forget Jay, nor the advice and wisdom he provided to me over the years. May he rest in peace. 

I have so many memories with Uncle Jay but one of my favorites was getting to eat inside the Space Needle! I think I remember someone telling me that he was left at the airport one time because my dad thought Uncle Gerry was picking him up and Uncle Gerry thought my dad was picking him up. 

Aunt Lynn, Michael, and Lauren my thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m here if you need anything at all.

OBITUARY

Mr. Jay Frederick Ayers

23 June, 1948 – 7 February, 2021

Bluebonnet Hills Funeral Home & Memorial Park

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