Kay Ellen Nelson

March 25, 1945-August 2, 2015

Eulogy

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." Philippians 1:3

As family and friends of Kay, we come together today to celebrate her life. We cannot do this without acknowledging the tremendous inspiration Kay has been to all of us during the last three years. She fought through 35 chemotherapy treatments, 1 radiation embolization, 1 back surgery, 3 hip/leg surgeries, and all of the attendant side effects, as well as many other hospital procedures, with incredible faith, grace, dignity, and that beautiful smile on her face. That is all behind her, and Kay now has an even bigger smile as she is with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Kay knew and taught that life was a series of many choices. Some big, some small, but all have positive or negative consequences or trade-offs. As we recount her life and share a few memories, let’s also focus on a few key choices.

Kay chose Faith. Her faith was formed at an early age. It started with her family and developed as she attended church and school at Immanuel Lutheran in Columbus, Nebraska. That faith became a growing, important treasure to her. Some of her most cherished, lifelong friendships were formed at Immanuel. Not only was she an outstanding student there, she played on all the sports teams offered.

Family. Her early years at home were spent growing up on the Meyer and Asche farms north of Columbus. Holidays and special occasions usually found her mom, Ethel, dad, Milton, and entire Asche/Meyer family gathered at Granny Meyer's house. She would tell you that she was assigned the worst of the chores, as her brother, Jim, was always in town playing baseball or some other sport. Jim would probably have a different opinion on the matter. She learned to drive a tractor when she was ten. By age twelve, her way to get even with Jim was to "borrow" his car, pick up close friends, and drive around the countryside in Platte County. All went well until the girls got the car stuck in the mud at Lake Babcock. This story is a favorite re-told by both family and friends still to this day.

Kay chose to be a good student and be active. She moved to Columbus with her family and attended junior high and high school in town, where she continued her straight "A" record. She was especially active in choir, drama, dance, and cheerleading and as cheerleader captain her senior year.

She chose to prioritize making and keeping friends. She obviously had many friends, but she had a special group of nine Columbus High School girlfriends who were and remained so dear to her and to each other. All but one were able to meet up in Vail last fall for a wonderful reunion. Kay would always bring together her close friends from different parts of her life. You knew it was really about having her good friends becoming good friends. This was just so Kay.

Kay and John chose one another, and a 50+-year love story was born. Kay and John met in high school. Much as he tried, and he tried hard, Kay wouldn't go out with him much in high school. But for some reason we will never know, she agreed to travel from Omaha to Lawrence, Kansas during her first year of college to attend a Phi Gam party at University of Kansas with John. The trip cost twelve dollars, round-trip to Kansas City, on the train. For the next three years, Kay would take the train, or John would hitch-hike to Omaha, every month or so. They married August 13, 1966. This relationship is one both they and their family treasured and benefitted from enormously as they were beautiful role models as a couple.

Just before marrying in August 1966, Kay graduated from Nebraska Methodist College of Nursing after achieving the highest scores in Nebraska history on her state board exams. Again, that choice of hard work and dedication paid off. She practiced nursing for thirteen years. She especially enjoyed her position as a health advisor for a family practice group. In the meantime, Scott and Susan were born, and Kay retired to become a full-time mother and homemaker.

Obviously, Kay's ultimate love and priority was her family. Kay was a wonderful mom, involved in all of the many things moms do at home, church, and school. Scott, Ann, Jenna, and Garrett; Sue, Lee, Alex and Sophie, her beloved children, their spouses whom she fully embraced, and her grandchildren were a constant source of joy. Whether in personal trips or gatherings, phone, email, text, or Instagram, she was so interested in their activities and marveled at their growth and accomplishments. The same can be said about her brother Jim’s family, the Lewis family, the Meier family, her nieces, her nephews, her goddaughters, as well as all her cousins and their families.

Kay loved to travel, first with her family in the US, then, later to many magnificent places around the world. There were many highlights, but two worth mentioning might include the following: after a car trip that covered most of the mountain ranges of the west, 6 year-old Sue said, " once you've seen one mountain, you've seen them all," and much later while on a cruise with good friends, spending two days in a major typhoon with 35-foot seas, still on a ship off the coast of China. The most special travel of all occurred at whatever place her precious grandchildren could be along.

John's career took the Nelson family from Omaha, to Minneapolis, Des Moines, and then in 1991, to Denver. In retirement, they also enjoyed six months each winter in Scottsdale. At each new stop, Kay quickly made a new house a home and made many new friends. John would tell you that if it were not for Kay, he probably wouldn't have any friends at all. Kay chose to make home wherever the family was. She made a home by ensuring there was a network or a “village” for everyone in the family in each new city. Some of her favorite networks included: a new church in each city; the Stanford Street Navy in Omaha; Lake Riley and high school activities in Eden Prairie; tennis and golf in Des Moines, Castle Pines, Singletree, and Cherry Hills; and her dear friends, the "Street Walkers" in Colorado and several communities in Arizona for which she was so fond.

Here is a final example of Kay fighting for her choices until the very end. On the Wednesday before she died, John witnessed an exchange between her and a night nurse at the care center. The nurse asked her whether she wanted to stay sitting in the wheelchair or to get back into bed. Kay, quite excitedly under the circumstances of her last week, replied, “I want more choices!” You see, although incapable of standing on her own at this point, in her mind, she wanted more than to be able to either sit in the wheelchair or lie in the bed.

A few more memories of and with Kay:

• Kay played many roles. Kay was a volunteer, choir member, Sunday school teacher, tennis player, Church Council member, Street Walker, golfer, and more.

• Her love of animals, particularly dogs, was surely formed on the farm. Dusty and Rocky were special family companions and beneficiaries of her love of walking.

• Spending a lot of quality, family time on the family boat. Water skiing, chilling,...learning the value of a cooler packed with snacks and drinks. Oh, and this won't surprise you one bit. She was very good on water skis, two skis or one, and never once got her hair wet!

• Hiking and skiing in the mountains. She learned to downhill ski in her 30s. She enjoyed it, but she mainly chose to do it so the family would have another activity they could do together. Her family’s homes and time in the mountains held a very dear spot in her heart.

• You did not sleep in late. Never. Scott swears he was woken up in high school to the sound of the vacuum running at 8am every Saturday. Scott also swears he vacuumed just two days before as part of his chores.

• She loved to shop. She also knew that shopping was good for mental health or medicine, which she liked to dispense liberally. Her favorite shopping companions were no doubt, Sue, Ann, Jenna, and Sophie. One prime example: Kay alleviated major stress of Sue’s before the Bar Exam by kidnapping her from studying the day before the exam. Seek out Sue, Ann, Jenna or Sophie at the reception for many other fond shopping memories, or share yours with them!

• You might have noticed; Kay liked cars. She was aware of every new thing coming on the market. Anything over 15,000 miles was high mileage to her! So, the only question about Heaven is what she will be driving there. A funny related note: John and Kay lost a very close friend recently. This good friend use to tease her a great deal about her new car habit. They are undoubtedly laughing right now together. As much as anything because he will need to be making a new purchase of his own in Heaven given Kay certainly has a new car. (We apologize for this one inside joke. Ask John or any of Kay’s friends from Castle Pines. They get it.)

• Kay had a sixth sense. This was a detriment to being her son or daughter. She knew EVERYTHING. One example, while Kay and John were living in Iowa, after being gone for the weekend, she noticed a little dirt on the floor and a rug askew and inquired with their good friends next door. Yes, Sue threw a rather large toga party while they were gone. Kay always knew! You can ask Scott or Sue about other evidence of such a sixth sense at the reception.

• You ALWAYS have buttered popcorn at movies, regardless of what you might have just eaten. Scott confirms this is genetic.

An abridged list of many lessons from Kay:

• Don’t sweat studying in college. Four hours a day Mondays-Thursdays. 5 hours on Saturdays or Sundays. Easy.

• She also taught the value of taking breaks. Watching As the World Turns everyday after lunch provided rest for at least three generations in Ethel, Kay, and Sue.

• The value of prune juice and wine. OK, Scott and Sue have learned the wine lesson well and have forgotten the prune juice bit, truth be told.

• Kay, as well as John, inspired Scott and Sue and their families as role models – as a married couple, as parents, as humans in so many ways. We regret only that we could have benefitted from 20-30 more years of her sage advice and love. John, this means the burden of more phone calls and texts just for you to field from your kids and grandkids.

• Biggest lesson learned from Kay: the value of Faith, Family and Friends. You can’t forget this lesson as the phrase Faith, Family and Friends is what she wanted and is engraved on her headstone. Her investment in her faith, family and friends appeared every day as family members, friends, and pastors visited, called, sent notes and gifts, and generally supported her and John through the most difficult time of their lives.

Back to that 50+ -year love story…John has said that even with the difficulties of the last three years, he considers himself by far the luckiest man alive. Many of you have heard John say over and over that he got his "trophy" wife in 1966. Their family, their friends and the two of them benefited so much from their loving partnership. Many of us saw their devotion to one another in different ways over these past three years. All of us owe John a debt of gratitude for taking such good care of Kay during her fight with cancer and in her last months. Both Sue and Scott and many of you saw it first-hand. We also heard it from numerous medical staff and care-givers who called him “one of the most faithful, caring spouses they’d ever seen.” Thank you, John.

Conclusion

There is no question that our Kay's death leaves a huge hole. A loss. A heartache. However, we are happy that her suffering has ended. Even though we are very sad that she is not with us any longer, how can we be anything but joyful that she achieved what she had been working toward and preparing for her entire life? Her many choices of prioritizing her faith, marriage, family and friends led her to a full, blessed life and her new life with Jesus Christ.

Kay, we'll love you forever, we'll like you for always, as long as we’re living, our Wife, Mom, Grandma, and Friend you'll be.