By Martin Taubman
I just learned the Hebrew words pronounced “ay shes, cha yil” which means “woman of valor” that perfectly describes my loving wife of 55 years. For this, Joan never received any medals nor accolades nor did she desire them. However, she does deserve acknowledgement of her numerous handicaps, and tribute and recognition of her fierce spirit, courage and bravery in conquering her disabilities.
Joan was born in Albany with severe asthma and fought a devastating battle with asthma all her life. I can think of nothing more terrifying than fighting for breath. This is how Joan came into this world and how she went out.
Cousin Phyllis, as a child, remembers visiting her aunt but Joan was upstairs because she couldn’t breathe.
At 15, the first real treatment for asthma—prednisone, just discovered --was given to Joan and she was one of the first people to receive this steroid.
Then her early talent in art was developed at Brandeis where she graduated with an art major and was awarded the Hans Hoffman Scholarship to study art at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. In the fourth year of our marriage in Buffalo we had a child that went full term but was stillborn. This devastated Joan. A year later Ben was born and Joan declared it was the happiest day of her life. She corrected my PhD thesis while she was in the hospital bed, having given birth to him. She was devoted to Ben.
Joel who has special needs was born 4 years later after miscarriages. The developmental concept at the time was called “early intervention” which entailed extreme devotion to Joel by Joan. As a result, many of his milestones were reached close to on time. Because of Joan’s extensive involvement with Joel, she largely gave up her art career. She ran the house and children with precision despite her bouts of asthma.
Joan participated in the inception of a program which was taught in all Newton Elementary Schools called “Understanding Handicaps”. She was involved in a class action suit against the state to support living expenses for special needs adults and they won the suit.
She worked tirelessly for the causes of special needs. Joan spearheaded a drive for us to take in a foster child. Lilly arrived in 1980 at 8 years of age. There were increasing challenges. Joan continued to fight and have courage to find solutions for Lilly.
One of the happiest days for Joan was when we brought Ben to college. We were so proud of him. But after leaving Ben, Joan fell and slashed both her knees. She spent the rest of the day in the hospital unbeknownst to Ben. This began a lifelong battle with leg wounds and difficulty healing due to the prednisone.
Joan continued to run the house perfectly. Then after Joel graduated high school Joan fought to get Joel into a supported employment program (SEP) at Boston College where he has now worked for 26 years. She served on the BC SEP Advisory Committee for approximately 20 years advocating for the employees. Despite her physical limitations, Joan still fought for her children- Ben, Joel, and Lilly- to have a good life.
About 2 years ago, Joan developed a terrible lung disease (COPD). She fought daily with the mounting pain at every breath to survive and be at Joel’s recent birthday party on July 19th.
Joan my lifelong partner and love, indeed, was a woman of marked courage and bravery, a woman of great worth. Truly a woman of valor who will always be cherished.
Eulogy By: BenTaubman for Joan
In talking about my mom, she had this tremendous spirit and a dedicated loyalty for those she loved. She passionately supported the family. I can think of an example of this in that education was very important to my mom. She was there as a rock for my dad through the difficulties of a tough dental school program. She worked diligently to enable Joel to advance as far as possible through the educational system, where he graduated high school. When Lilly was brought into the family, my mom supported her to do better in school as well as encouraged her involvement in extracurricular activities.
My mom also really encouraged me to try different experiences such as pottery class, piano lessons, and ice skating lessons. She was always there for me as I was growing up, consistently making time to help with any homework. As a personal story, I can remember in 6th grade when I worked hard on a report, the teacher deducted a grade because it wasn’t stapled properly. Despite my embarrassment, my mom came to my defense and the grade was changed. To her, it was a badge of honor to come to the defense of anyone in the family that she saw as being wronged.
My mom was determined to contribute to the well-being of each individual family member. Even as she battled many health challenges, she always was the first to emphasize the importance of quality time through family gatherings with holidays, birthdays, and vacations.
One of my best vacation memories was when my parents took me on a cross country trip at the age of 6. We drove all the way from Newton to San Francisco and back, including a special trip to Yellowstone National Park, which stands out for its abundance of wildlife, geysers, and hot springs. My mom had me keep a journal to write some words and draw pictures of the places we visited. This was a very special memento of the trip.
She had a great appreciation for nature that she passed on to me.
Some 40 years later for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, my mom planned another trip to Yellowstone for the family. She really helped to recapture the memories of the first trip we made to Yellowstone so many years before, and turn them into new special quality experiences that we could all share.
Lilly, who is in Florida, recently talked to me about my mom’s middle name Petra. Petra means rock. And that’s what my mom was - a solid, steady, stabilizing force for all of us in the family. I love her deeply and I will miss her dearly.
Joel’s Tribute To His Mother
July 30th, 2020
My mother is very important to me.
I have known my mother from when I was born for 46 years.
My mother does art.
She drew a picture of me.
My mom did everything for me.
She taught me to eat with a spoon and fork.
She taught me to read real books.
She taught me right from wrong.
I play checkers together with mom.
I love her so much and I miss her.
I have sad pains to lose my mother and the love stays in my heart.
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