Dorothy (Dot) was born on July 30, 1920. She surprised her parents as her oldest sister was already 16. She had two sisters and a brother, and a mother from the “old country” who never learned to read or write. Her dad was a butcher/grocer and worked long hours. She was born and raised in Malden, Massachusetts and belonged to a very tight ethnic community. She grew up with many cousins, aunts, and uncles nearby.
Mom remembers that during the Depression, her grandmother would catch pigeons in the attic to make pigeon soup. Her mother had an amazing green thumb both indoors and out; every seed she put in the ground flourished. She grew peaches and cherries and had a beautiful Concord grape arbor. She kept a large vegetable garden, nourished by kitchen scraps she dug into the soil. She was also an amazing cook, making everything from cookies, apple strudel, patsah, and gefilte fish from scratch. Learning to cook from her was hard as she never used measuring utensils, just her eyes and nose! Maybe because of that, Mom never enjoyed cooking or baking.
Mom’s father smoked and eventually died of emphysema. As a child, Mom ate a lot of sugar. The sugar destroyed her teeth. She never smoked, and as kids, we were steered away from sugar for years. She maintained her weight at 128 pounds most of her adult life.
Mom and her siblings were all talented. Her 2 sisters and 1 brother sang, danced, played violin, practiced elocution and were otherwise quite accomplished. At six years old, Mom discovered what she loved: playing the piano, and from then on, she didn't need to be called in from playing outside with the neighborhood kids to practice. She adored the piano and that passion has continued through her life. When Mom was in high school her parents had saved enough to buy her a parlor grand for the living room. She still has this same piano!
After high school, Mom spent a year at the New England Conservatory studying music in a program that included Harvard University tutors in liberal arts subjects such as English, psychology and history. She was able to help care for her father that year too. She then transferred to Skidmore College, where she majored in Music Education and minored in English, at a time when few young women of her background went away to college. She taught music for 2 years in the upstate regional system of Mooers, New York where she covered everything from elementary music classes to high school band. (She got to teach all the instruments). She then went to New York University where she received her Masters degree in Music Education.
Mom was a young music teacher in the Hartford Public School system covering the tough Junior High crowd when she met Al Halpern, who came from her home town of Malden. He was working in Hartford for the Federal Government in the Department of Defense, and also as a journalist for Fairchild Publications. She had a driver’s license and he did not, so she would often drive him back to Malden so they each could visit their families.
They fell in love and married in 1954. They raised 2 daughters, Phyllis and Ellen, in Windsor, Connecticut. Mom continued being active in music, giving piano lessons to youngsters (including her own daughters, which didn't rub off too well), leading the Windsor Branch of Women's Auxiliary of the Hartford Symphony, organizing and leading the choir at the Beth Am synagogue, and organizing a program of Exploratory Music in which Windsor Public School children took exploratory music lessons with a variety of instruments from which to choose.
Sadly, in the mid ‘70’s, her husband developed Parkinson’s Disease, and slowly became more and more debilitated over 30 years. In 1979, the two of them decided to move back to the Boston area where many family members remained and where good hospital care was more available. Taking care of a sick spouse is very stressful, and Mom gave it a valiant effort. She took him to exercises classes, joined support groups for Parkinson’s patients and their well partners, and managed his medical care. These were difficult years and watching Dad’s decline was hard. Mom became worn down and almost died from the responsibility and labor. Finally, she knew she could no longer do all the care, and Dad went to a nursing facility where she faithfully helped him with daily activities.
In 2001, Mom moved to Lasell Village, and blossomed. She fully invested herself in her new community, making friends and taking courses. She quickly became one of the leaders intent on acquiring a Steinway grand piano for the building. She founded a choral group there called “Voices of Experience.” At first, she was the director and piano accompanist for the group. Anyone who wanted to join needed to sing “happy birthday” on key. She turned down several friends and they never let her forget that! When she was 91, and it became difficult for her to continue, she stepped down as director and continued as a regular member of the chorus. She had done a similar thing when she turned 90 and although she was still a good driver, she gave up both her car and license of her own accord. She was always very good at letting go and knowing when to stop.
Mom has loved living at Lasell Village. Her good friends, her garden, classes and many activities and programs kept her mind active and her body fit. She had a long indoor walk from her apartment to the dining room and classrooms which she did several times every day. She went to the gym a few times each week. Her younger daughter is a massage therapist and gave her a massage every week for years – this is very beneficial to longevity. Then, at 94, she fell and broke her hip.
After hip replacement and rehabilitation, the staff at Lasell House warned that she should no longer live alone. Mom is a very lucky woman, because at that point, we found Mavis! Mom and Mavis, her aide, have been together for nine years. Mavis is like another daughter, and she has become a close family member. Both women have strong personalities, and while they used to argue, they have long stopped that. They have learned from each other, and grown to love each other dearly.
Mom has been in hospice care for the last three years. Sometimes the hospices staff seems baffled by the force of a woman like her. Indeed, she is very slowly fading, though she is still aware of everyone and everything around her. She answers questions, but rarely has the energy to speak these days. She takes little medication and rarely complains. She still loves to eat and to sleep. Thanks to family members we have been able to keep her in the home she still loves with Mavis.
How to get to be 103? Love, connection, passion, learning, keeping active, careful diet, moderation and knowing when it’s time to let go and rest.
By Phyllis and Ellen Halpern
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Hospice of the Good Shepherd160 Wells Avenue, Newton, Massachusetts 02459
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