Refugia Sterling Mendez Hyde died in the early hours of February 20, 2021 at the age of 72 after a courageous eight-year battle with kidney failure. She was the grateful recipient of a liver transplant in 2013 and had fought and won against numerous health issues since 2010, and she fought valiantly this time. But, it was time to rest.
My mother was born in Weatherford, TX to Rafaella and Daniel Mendez. She was the youngest of nine children; born with a tooth. Shakespeare writes in 3 King Henry VI , when referring to Richard III, “teeth hadst thou in thy head when thou wast born to signify thou camest to bite the world”. In England, it is believed that babies born with teeth are guaranteed to conquer the world. God must have known my mother would need a fighting spirit to endure the many hardships her life would be marked with, because she was indeed a fighter. She had the kind of courage one could only attribute to her deep faith in God, and she met challenges head on, usually while reminding herself aloud, “God is with me…”.
Known affectionately as “Ruthie” by her late husband, she is greatly missed by family and friends. She was unofficially renamed ‘Ruth’ by the nuns in her Catholic school while in the first grade. I like to think this was because, even at the age of six, my mother exhibited the steadfast loyalty and devotion of the Ruth in the Old Testament. More likely this was done because Ruth is more American and easier to pronounce than her given name, and this renaming would never happen in today’s world of embracing different cultures. Nevertheless, Ruth is how most people knew her and, it was a fitting name. Like the Biblical Ruth, my mother was fiercely loyal to those she loved and deeply devoted to her family.
She is preceded in death by my father, Dr. Burt E. Hyde. They met while my mother was working as a nurse at an assisted living/rehabilitation facility. My father was an attending physician who would come to round on his patients. She told the story, and he corroborated it with his laughter, that she was the only nurse willing to go on rounds with him due to his demanding nature. He would always jump in and say she was the only nurse who could keep up. She would later go on to work for him in private practice. They fell in love and my mother became his second wife. Both were married previously; she had one son from her first marriage and he had raised one son and four daughters by the time he met my mother. Together, they would have one more daughter. I am their only child. Their relationship was undoubtedly complicated, marked by the kinds of conflict and drama you would expect of any great love story. But despite their human shortcomings, or perhaps because of them, theirs was the kind of love you read about and it endured. She was with him until the end and she loved him until the day she died. I envision them reunited at last, slow dancing to a country western song (as I often saw them do in my childhood, while they thought I was sleeping), swaying gently with her head on his shoulder. His eyes are closed and her right hand is folded within his open left hand; I can hear him say, “I love you Ruthie”.
To Jayson Smith (Michelle Berger): You were her first child, and she loved you the way a mother loves her first-born baby. She wanted to protect you from every hurt in the world and I know it pained her that she could not. Thank you for your care of her these last five years. Thank you for opening your home and for sharing your daughters with her. They were her joy.
To Sydney Smith: You were the baby who made her a granny! She delighted in you and often spoke of how smart you are. You inherited her kind, helpful spirit, sense of leadership, and love of mischief. You brought her happiness and laughter when she was hurting.
To Jordyn Smith: You were her partner in crime, her “precious”. You will always be “my Jordy”. Your granny loved you special, and one of the very last things she said was that she loved you. Your strong, competitive spirit and unwillingness to give up are her legacy to you. As you and your sister grow, try to hold onto your memories of her as best you can. That is how she lives on.
To Julien Burton Freyder: You were named for your grandfather and you look just like him (which she loved). You were her first, and only, grandson and you made her a ‘grr grr’. Your love of Halloween and scary dinosaurs is undoubtedly from her. I’m sure she would have eventually taken your interest in space and astronauts and turned you into a fan of sci-fi. You most likely will not have any memories of your granny, but please know she loved you more than she was ever able to express. Your voice was one of the last she heard, and it made her weep with joy.
To Aurelia Ruth Freyder: You were named for your granny, and oh how she loved you. I see her in your easygoing, curious nature and in the way your beautiful, “mesmerizing”, blue eyes sparkle with pure glee. Even at nine months your tenacious yet gentle spirit are evident and these are gifts from your grandmother. I wish she could have seen you grow.
To Rosa Perez: My mother tried to be a lifeline for you when you needed it most, and then you did the same for her these last years. She loved you like a daughter and was so very proud of all you have overcome and how much you have accomplished. Never give up.
To Janet Hyde, Julie Hyde, Joan Vidrine (Ted), John Hyde, and Jennifer Brown: Thank you for the kindness you showed my mother. Thank you for welcoming her, and for embracing me as your sister. And thank you also for loving our father; I know that blessed her as much as it blessed him.
To Amy McCarty (Mike), Joseph Vidrine, Sarah Ritchie (Sean), Rachel Cush (Kevin), Laura Beth Burton (Chandler), Ethan Vidrine (Paige), Samuel Vidrine, Spencer Brown, and Julia Brown: Remember always, God is with you. Amen.
As for me. I am your only daughter (Tonya) and from the time I was born we have had a special bond. Every bond a mother has with her children is special but since having my own children I can see now how special it really was. You taught me devotion and steadfastness. You taught me to love fiercely and to persevere, and that true love weathers all storms. I am who I am because of you. I never got to tell you that. My only regret is that my husband (Jeffrey) will never know you the way I did. I tell him the stories and he cries and laughs and I know he loves you, but it isn’t the same. My own daughter will never get to hear you sing the birthday song the way only you can. My son will never get to stay up way too late eating too much popcorn and watching movies with you. I tell them how special and wonderful and beautiful they are every day, because you did this for me. Eponine still looks for you, and she hasn’t left ‘Granny’s room’ for more than food and water in over a week. Please say hi to Shirley (I know she’s up there waiting for me) and Billy (are you feeding him pork rinds in heaven?), and Rosa and Daddy. I know they are so happy to have you with them again. We will love you always.
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