Chinese Funeral Etiquette & Superstitions
With a history going back thousands of years, China has a rich heritage. Ancient Chinese traditions are woven into all aspects of life, including the ways in which Chinese families say goodbye to their loved ones. Many Chinese American families observe funeral traditions and superstitions established long ago.
Chinese funeral superstitions
Superstitions fill Chinese culture and drive some Chinese funeral traditions. The Chinese believe that certain acts, objects and numbers bring good luck or bad luck, and they abide superstitions in many areas of life to increase their prosperity or happiness.
Here are a few superstitions related to funerals.
The closing of a casket can trap the soul of a living family member.
Traditional Chinese visitations and funerals feature an open casket. At the end of a service, the casket is closed, but if family or friends are present, they may turn their backs. This is because they believe the souls of those who see a casket being closed will be trapped inside.
At a graveside service, family and guests may turn their backs on the casket as it is lowered into the grave for a similar reason—so as not to risk having their souls trapped with the dead.
A spirit may follow you home.
Often mourners who leave a funeral service won't go straight home. Instead, they'll make a stop or two. Why? They believe a spirit at the funeral home or cemetery could follow them, and they're trying to lose the spirit along the way. Similarly, a family might take a different route home from their typical route so that the spirit of their loved one doesn't follow them home.
Some Chinese families present funeral guests with a bit of red thread to take home and tie to a doorknob to ward off spirits.
Bad luck may befall your family if you attend a funeral at a certain time.
The first day of Chinese New Year begins on the new moon that appears between January 21 and February 20. The seventh month of the lunar calendar is known as Ghost Month, per Chinese tradition.
Some Chinese may avoid funerals or visits to a cemetery during those periods, so as not to attract spirits. If a loved one dies around the Chinese New Year, the family may wait until after the holiday to hold the funeral. Similarly, friends may avoid visiting the family of the deceased during Chinese New Year to prevent bad luck from passing from one family to another.
Newly engaged couples or someone who is pregnant may opt not to attend a funeral in order to avoid inviting misfortune into the marriage or onto the child.
The deceased need money for a comfortable afterlife.
Many Chinese believe that when a loved one dies, they go to a world filled with earthly possessions. To ensure those they love are not empty-handed and left wanting in the afterlife, they may burn joss paper—paper representing money, credit cards, checks, clothes, houses, cars, electronics and more. The belief is that the deceased can use the money to buy what they need to be comfortable and have a positive influence on the fates of those still living.
Families may burn joss paper at funerals and also when visiting the cemetery, especially during Qingming.
Chinese funeral etiquette
If you're unfamiliar with Chinese funeral customs, you may wonder about proper etiquette. After all, funeral traditions can vary from culture to culture, and not everyone knows what's expected at a Chinese funeral.
Colours to wear
White is the traditional Chinese mourning colour—but it's reserved for immediate family members of the deceased. In general, only the parents, children, spouses, grandchildren, brothers and sisters of a loved one wear white to a Chinese funeral. Other family members and friends often wear black, navy or other dark colours.
Avoid prints and bright colours—especially red—with one special exception. When celebrating the life of someone over 80 years old, it's traditional for guests to wear red or pink as a celebration of a long life.
Expressions of grief
A somber quality marks the atmosphere of a Chinese funeral. Family and friends talk and comfort one another, but it's not the time for jokes or funny stories.
Hugging is welcome, and it's appropriate to express condolences and offer loving support.
Condolence money and other gifts
Chinese tradition calls for funeral guests to give the family of a deceased loved one a white envelope filled with condolence money. The amount of the gift varies, but it's typically an odd number starting at $101. Why an odd number? According to Chinese folklore, good things come in pairs, but bad things come alone. The odd amount symbolizes a wish that the death that has occurred is not soon followed by another.
If you’d like to do something else to a family to show you care, consider:
- Sending flowers to the service or a family's home. Good choices include white lilies or yellow chrysanthemums. White roses are also acceptable.
- Gifting incense, candles, joss paper or fruit.
- Making a donation to a charity or nonprofit in honour of the loved one.
Plan a traditional Chinese funeral
If you're seeking to plan a funeral that will honour your family traditions and the wishes of your loved one, Dignity Memorial® professionals can help. We're well-versed in Chinese funeral traditions and can assist you in planning a fitting tribute.
Our funeral homes offer both burial and cremation services. Some allow a family to witness or participate in the cremation of a loved one. Some allow for the burning of incense and joss paper, and all offer families support before, during and after a service.